(Closed) 89 days to go -married BM and GM decided they are divorcing…what would you do?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would have done the same thing.  You don’t want your Boyfriend or Best Friend to have to walk down the aisle next to her ex-husband.

Post # 4
3942 posts
Honey bee

Given the fact that your Fiance wasn’t very close to this guy from the start, I would have done the same thing as you. It’s a sucky situation for everyone though 🙁

Post # 5
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

yeah I’d probably ditch him – if you don’t think you’ll be friends with him after the wedding, no use making the day SUPER awkward for your friend and having him in the photos forever.

Post # 6
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sucks and is horribly awkward, but I’d do the same thing that you are.

Post # 7
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Unless this groomsman is a complete idiot, he knows that the bond between you and your bridemaid friend is far stronger then his is to your fiance. Hopefully with this insight he will not be offended that your fiance retracts his involvement in your big day. He hopefully is also intelligent enought to know that three months is not close to being long enough to soften the raw and painful emotions that will still be present between him and your friend. Not to even mention the emotions you would have seeing him standing beside your husband to be on a day supposed to be about love. This is a tough situation, and although uninviting him from the wedding entirely may be too extreme, definately asking him to step down from his wedding party duties is the right thing to do. IMO

Post # 8
221 posts
Helper bee

Hey we are date twins!
I agree, you did the right thing. It sounds like you have a clear relationship with your bridesmaid where as he is only casual friends with your Fiance. If he has any class he will offer to step down when he figures out that your Fiance is attempting to speak with him about the situation.

I wouldn’t worry about having anyone else step in to be his replacement. I think the idea of HAVING to have equal sides is quite silly. Unexpected things happen all the time, don’t let this add any pressure to your wedding plans. I had two, yes two, BM’s back out in the past couple of weeks to our destination wedding because one will be very pregnant and the other didn’t want to go alone (the only person she would know at the wedding would be the pregnant BM)! It is always tough when wedding plans don’t happen exactly as imagined but in reality, the person that you really want to be there, your best friend, will be there and that is all that matters!

Good luck!

Post # 9
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He definitely needs to go!  Believe me, I speak from experience.  At my first wedding, the officiant (ex-H’s best friend) and one of my bridesmaids were in a very long term relationship.  They broke up weeks before the wedding, and I stupidly let her stay in the wedding party.  The amount of yelling, crying, drinking that she did at the reception was not pretty.  Avoid the drama llama; besides, I’m sure he’ll understand and not want to be around her anyways.

Post # 11
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

I would hope he’d bow out when your Fiance went to talk to him! But either way, I think it will be fine. Especially because you guys are not SUPER close.

Post # 12
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

You’re handling it the right way. And don’t worry about getting someone else. They’ll be 2 on my side, 3 on his, and it’s fine. I’ve been to a number of wedding where the BM/GM ratio is off, and it’s no problem.

Post # 13
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

yeh, i agree with most of the other posts, if him and your Bridesmaid or Best Man ex werent close friends, it doesnt make sense for him to be up there with you both on your day with your Bridesmaid or Best Man feeling awkward with it, I dont particularly think it would come as much of a shock to him either when you Fiance speaks to him about it.

Good luck with it though!

Post # 14
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t have asked him in the first place – bridal parties are about your best friends in the world standing up with you, not about even numbers. I think you did the right thing by asking him to step down.

Post # 15
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I’m sure the Groomsmen will gladly bow out. I mean, why would he want to be there?! I think you did the right thing.

Post # 16
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Im going through the same thing but my wedding isnt for 8 months! My bf and her husband who is also our groomsmen are going through a really nasty divorce, we havent even spoken with him since the beginning of the year since then.  We havent officially dropped him from the wedding but I think he will just assume hes not in the wedding anymore since my Fiance has tried to reach out to him and he doesnt even respond! Sometimes stuff just happens that we cant control and have to let people go, its definitely not something you want to look back from years from now and regret having him in the wedding when he wasnt close friends with anyone to begin with. 

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