- mrs ranunculus
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
When picking our attendants, Fiance only had 2 friends he wanted to ask. Since I had 3 girls I *had* to ask, I encouraged Fiance to ask the husband of one of my BM’s (my best friend) to be a groomsman. Before we moved, we hung out with them regularly as couples, so even though Fiance and this guy weren’t super close, it made sense to me for him to be a Groomsmen. Fiance agreed, the Groomsmen accepted and the bridal party was set.
Well, fast forward a year from asking him and now my bestie Bridesmaid or Best Man and her Groomsmen husband have decided to separate. They’ve been having problems for a while now. I’ve been supporting my best friend emotionally as she’s made this very difficult deciison and as a result have gotten to hear a lot of the details of her side of the story. It’s not horrible, but he has definitely been acting like a manipulative a-hole and has been engaging in behavior that is, at the very least emotional cheating (and possibly may include actual cheating since she’s got some pretty suspicious evidence piling up). He’s been saying some pretty horrible stuff to her as well that has pretty much changed how I am going to look at this guy forever.
Fiance and I were aware that they were having problems, and as a result had had a couple discussions about what might happen if they end up getting divorced. We both agreed that if they decided to end their marriage that we would ask the husband to no longer be a groomsman. Because Fiance isn’t really more than friendly acquaintances with this guy, he didn’t seem to mind, and didn’t really want him to do it anymore either.
I felt a bit more strongly about wanting him not to do it. What can I say, this may be my bridezilla moment, but he was just such a jerk off to my best friend. I don’t want him to be there…and also just think it would be SO awkward and not how I want to remember things. I mean, my best friend is hopefully going to be a part of my life forever…I don’t want to look back and remember her jerk of an ex in our wedding photos. Is that ridiculous?
Fiance is planning to get in touch with the Groomsmen in a week or so and have the discussion with him. I am so thankful that Fiance is going to talk to him, because I know it’s horrible but I’d be horrified to do it. I apologized to Fiance for encouraging him to ask the guy in the first place. I’ve told him that it’s completely up to him if he wants to ask someone else to be a Groomsmen, and I won’t meddle in who he chooses.
I feel horrible about this whole situation (I feel responsible for starting it by having Fiance ask him in the first place), but I feel like this is the best option…
What would you do if you were in my shoes, fellow bees?