Baby is not warming up to nanny

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

This post give me all the red alerts! I’ve been an infant and toddler nanny for over 7 years now and I just get the sense your nanny is not a great fit. As conflict-avoidant as I am I would let her go as soon as I found a better fit. I honestly cannot even imagine one of my sweet babies crying on the floor. It would break my heart. It is okay to set the expectation that your nanny should not be on her devices while your baby is having awake time. She shouldn’t be on her phone while caring for your little one. I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh, but you and your baby deserve someone who cares more! My standard of care is that my charges are cared for EXACTLY as I would my own baby, and I would never allow my baby to be slouched on the floor in tears while I catch up on social media. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach. The two baby sisters I nanny cry when I LEAVE every day… It is not a good sign that the baby cries WITH the nanny. I would find a replacement… I know it’s easier said than done, but in all my years as a nanny I have known plenty of terrible nannies but also plenty of absolutely amazing nannies with whom I would not hesitate to leave my future babies–They are out there!! Good luck to you!

Post # 3
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I have worked as a nanny for many years. I’m in grad school studying child development. 

FIRE HER! That is absolutely ridiculous! She should not be on her phone, and how dare she allow that little baby to cry all day. I knew from the title of this thread that it would be a case of the nanny doing something very wrong.

This is NOT an issue of your daughter not warning up to her. This is an issue of a woman not taking care of your daughter’s needs.

Fire her now. Hire someone who likes children, who you can trust! Your daughter deserves to be taken care of by someone who will actually take care of her. There are so many wonderful people who could be watching your child. This makes me so sad for you and your daughter.  Go get a nanny who you can trust to take your baby to the park.

Post # 4
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

zanyapple :  Full disclosure: I don’t currently have children – I popped on here because I felt badly for you.

It must be so hard for you and Darling Husband to be aware of this. Kudos to you for managing to stay on the next floor knowing that Dear Daughter is distressed! I agree with leaving the nanny to do their job but your motherly instincts must be torn!

If Dear Daughter and nanny have not bonded, and other people have noticed that nanny isn’t invested (DD will pick up on this too – babies need engagement) then I’d be considering a new nanny. I wouldn’t be convinced it’s just an adjustment phase. I do not however think that that means nanny would ever allow any harm come to Dear Daughter – I’m certain she’d already be out on her ear if you genuinely suspected that! Good luck with whatever you decide.

Post # 5
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

zanyapple :  why haven’t you replaced her? She’s on her phone a lot, your daughter is slumped over alone crying, are you kidding me? Your daughter doesn’t like this woman?! 

Get a new nanny.

watch the nanny cam for the first few weeks and thereafter check it randomly. 

Trust your gut, put your kid first. Who cares if this nanny is a nice person, she’s not a good fit for your kid. I’m honestly not sure what you’re waiting for or what anyone can tell you that will make this okay. 


Post # 6
9858 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

From this post I’m not sure why this woman is still your nanny. At best she’s not a good fit and at worst she isn’t even really trying to do her job properly.

I’ve been a nanny before and worked in a nursery. I was rarely, if ever, on my phone while at work. 

Post # 7
690 posts
Busy bee

Another vote for get rid of the nanny. She’s not doing her job and your daughter’s well being is affected while they are together. I don’t think it’s a case of your dd not warming up to her, it’s a case of her just not being a good fit. 

Post # 8
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

I don’t think she’s the right nanny for you or your daughter.  There can be an adjustment phase, but it doesn’t sound like it’s working for any of you.  She should not be on the phone while watching your daughter if she is only there for 2 days.  You should feel comfortable with a nanny taking your daughter for walks, but you don’t.  It’s not good for you to feel that uncomfortable with a nanny.  

I babysit a lot when I was in high school.  There were times when a child would cry when mom and dad would leave, but they would always settle down after we were alone.  If your daughter won’t settle down for the nanny, she is not doing a very good job to find a way to comfort your daughter. 

Time to find someone else.

Post # 9
103 posts
Blushing bee

I agree get rid of her!!!

Most jobs you can’t be on your phone, so why is she any different?  I can understand checking your phone on her break of if she has an emergency but it’s her job to care for your dauughter and she isn’t taking it seriously.  My child hardley ever cried after 5 months unless I wasn’t giving him my 100% attention.  He definitely doesn’t cry when I’m with him.  It just sounds like a bad fit and she doesn’t like kids.

Post # 11
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Your concerns are valid and I agree with the other commenters that it’s time to find a new nanny.

Post # 13
6436 posts
Bee Keeper

zanyapple :  FIRE the nanny.  and REPLACE HER!!!  Fuck no I wouldn’t let my child cry and cry nor would I want someone doing that either.


ETA: that’s not normal and it’s not an adjustment period.

Post # 14
3235 posts
Sugar bee

zanyapple :  I guess my rebuttal to Darling Husband would be “We’re parents first, employers second.”  Never would an employee’s “feelings,” take precedent over my screaming child for hours on end, in this situation. 

Definitely find a new nanny, and take all of this as a lesson. Find a nanny who actually enjoys your daughter.

Post # 15
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

zanyapple :  To Darling Husband: the nanny isn’t fulfilling her basic job requirements.

I’m pleased you’re short-listing replacements! Dear Daughter and nanny need to bond. You’ll know if you have a grizzly baby but this isn’t that.

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