(Closed) 9 years and counting…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Tell him that if he doesn’t propose by May, you’re done.

I get that he’s busy and needs to study and has to find a work yadda yadda, but I think you’ve endured enough.

You can have a long(ish) engagement so he doesn’t have to worry about planning anything before November.

Post # 4
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

9 years is a LONG time, but how old are both of you?

Post # 5
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

9 YEARS!?!?!  That is not just waiting, what you’ve got on your hands is a bonafide, four alarm, medical emergency on your hands…you tell that man of yours that you’ve got a fever, and the only cure known for it is diamonds…

Post # 6
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


That’s rough. I guess a courthouse wedding and a three day honeymoon in between graduation and when he starts studying is out? (Because after nine years, nobody can accuse you of rushing things. 🙂

Post # 7
340 posts
Helper bee

Geez I really really feel sorry for you. That sucks so bad. I would be so upset. I think you need to talk to him about getting engaged before he starts studying for the bar, that way you can plan the wedding and have something to do while he is MIA. That just isn’t fair to you to have been faithfully devoted to him that whole time without a promise of something in the future. I think you need to explain to him how you are feeling.

Post # 8
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

try giving him a timeline. get him to agree on a ‘someday soon’ maybe agree to become engaged before June. if he wants to propose before he gradutes thats great if not, he has 1 month to pop the question. but make sure he knows that the wedding wouldnt be that month. agree on maybe a year long enegagement? so wedding in may/june ’14? it’ll give you plenty of time to plan, and hopefully he’ll have a job by then. But if he doesnt agree… move on? 

Post # 9
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You guys need to commit to a firm timeline, and you need to make sure you are communicating your needs/vision for the future to him, making sure that he understands that what you want is just as important as what he wants.

Post # 10
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Hugs! I feel for you…

I think you have a few options, but it all depends on what you both want.  For example, you can get engaed and married right away if a big/expensive ceremony is not important to either of you.  If the ceremony/celebration is important to one or both of you and will be costly then you have the option of getting engaged as soon as you can and then having a year or two engagement to save for the wedding if that’s something you need to do.  Keeping in mind that if you both agree your engagement doesnt need to be extravagant, it can be no ring, it can be a less expensive ring to be upgraded later on, etc. At this point after 9 years, given your situation its the intent and commitment that counts!

Either way, you need to get the ball rolling with a firm but nice talk with him to establish an agreed upon timeline so that you can at least be put at ease with something to look forward to (a proposal based on your timeline).  I most certainly agree you have more than waited long enough. Good luck and let us know how it turns out…

Post # 11
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Make him watch My Cousin Vinny 🙂  Seriously, I’m not sure how he equates waiting for bar results as being unable to propose.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say planning a wedding would take his mind off waiting for the results.  And studying for the bar only starts hard in July.  It’s a bit…half-hearted in June (and non-existent in May). 

While in law school, one female friend was engaged 2L spring, married after graduation.  Another was engaged end of 2L summer, married over 3L winter break.  A third (male) came in engaged (engaged over the summer I believe), married 1L summer.  I forget when a fourth was engaged, but also married after graduation (to another law student – although they met in college).  It only stops you if you want to be stopped…

Post # 12
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

9 years. You have more patience than me.

I am not a fan of ultimatums, but in this case, if being married is important to you, it might just be time for one.

Post # 13
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I waited 6 so I kinda know where your coming from. But wow 9!… I would have a real talk with him and give him a date that you will walk!

I understand that things are in the way right now but I think it’s possible to at least get engaged now and wait a year or two for a wedding! At that point I would opt for Vegas if that’s what it takes!

Good luck!

Post # 14
206 posts
Helper bee

I’ve heard alot about guys going through grad/professonal programs not wanting to get married in school. Then waiting for a job is another big factor in the “waiting”. All you can do is ask him why he’s waiting, is it because he wants the job first or some other reason? Ask him if you can get engaged then wait on the wedding.


Post # 15
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

9 years is totally insane! If money is a factor (sounds like it is), you can be engaged without a ring. If one or both of you insists on a ring, then you could always start with a CZ or something and upgrade later. 


Post # 16
299 posts
Helper bee

@Marriage_Mode:  Boy is dragging his feet! He can’t go on with this “soon” talk. Man, how waiting bees hate that word. I haven’t been waiting 9 years and at that point soon better mean 5 minutes from now. I hope this is your HS sweetheart and you guys are still young. Even if that’s the case you should at least have a timeline by now. If marriage is important to you and he can’t give a timeline I would walk. Something isn’t right if he isn’t just as anxious as you at this point. Maybe he doesn’t see himself ever getting married or maybe he has a few issues with the relationship he wants you guys to work out? No matter what it is he should be talking to you about it. Seems really selfish to leave someone hanging that long.

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