(Closed) 9 Years of Waiting + Outside Forces Causing Delay

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 76
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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RobbieAndJuliahaha :  mr transparent honesty is my new favorite term right now. 

Post # 77
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

This post is surreal, I wish you the best everything but I wish primarily you would leave.

Everyone here is saying something similar and I agree. Imagine your life 10 years from now with this man and his child and the mother of his child – think if you four will be a happy family.

 

Post # 78
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You are the other woman. 

You are the SECRET other woman. 

That would be enough to make me walk away. And I was in a similar position (no children) when I was in my mID twenties. 

I was the once long time girlfriend, turned ex, turned secret girlfriend because he couldn’t hurt his rebound. but he was going to “totally will tell her soon but can’t right now cause she’s crazy”. I was the “soulmate” and the “one” but I was also the secret and I stayed a secret for too damn long. I wanted to be with someone  and have it not be so damn difficult, and get married. Or at least someone who wasn’t hiding me. I left. And there were a lot of painful years and horrible dates that followed. But now I’m marrying someone awesome who wouldn’t ever think of hiding me. Just because you were once the main chick doesn’t mean you still are. 

Demand to him to be HONEST AND TRANSPARENT about your relationship. It’s crazy that you would even have to ask him to do this. 

Post # 79
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to try not to repeat what PPs have said because I think you realize what it looks like from an outside observer. I just want you to consider why you guys broke up so many times previously. You’ve said that your intuition is to trust him, but the continuous break-ups say something different. You should also think about what makes this time so different from every other time you’ve broken up and gotten back together. If the reasons are similar to what you’ve told yourself the other times, then maybe this time is not as different as you think it is (except, of course, now there’s a baby involved). It might also be beneficial for you to discuss with your partner why he always goes back to his ex when you guys break up (if you haven’t already). Has he said it’s 100% over and he won’t go back to her again if you guys break up again? Do you believe that to be true? Are the reasons he’s given different from any reasons he’s given you before?

Also, it’s important to note that you guys have been together off and on for 9 years and not actually together for 9 years. I hope you realize that his ex can say the same exact thing. 

I think the best option is to go to couples counseling and discuss these issues in a safe, non-threatening place. In counseling, you can also discuss your thoughts about marriage and waiting for a proposal.

Post # 80
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Chile, I know relationships are hard and love is blind and all but…

Post # 81
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

To be blunt: this guy is 100% still fucking his other girlfriend (the one he lives with). You’re the secret side piece and his family sound like they’re either humouring you or hoping that he breaks it off with her. Either way, you and he are not exclusive. Cut him loose and leave him to be with his family.

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