9 years waiting, now 30

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
2773 posts
Sugar bee

Well, you don’t need a crystal ball to see how this relationship will work out.

He doesn’t want to marry you.  Quit wasting th best years of your  life on this loser, especially if you want kids.

Post # 17
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
jetsetbee2 :  Have you dated anyone else during the past 9 years?  If you had, you’d realize that this is not a healthy situation.  If he’s saying that he doesn’t want kids and you do, then why would you marry him?  Do you want to set yourself up for disappointment when you are legally bound to this guy and he says he doesn’t want kids.

Divorce is expensive and hard.  Deal with this stuff now and decide if he is the one for you.

Post # 18
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

Why would you give up your desire to have children for a man that doesn’t even love you enough to “know” you’re the one for him? He’s cool, or Luke warm at best about you, bee. I’d break it off FOR SURE! But then again having kids is a deal breaker for me. I always knew I wanted children and no man was gonna stand in my way. If he dragged his feet for a decade about knowing you’re the one, he’s gonna drag his feet about kids and IF he decides he wants them, you’ll be too old to conceived by then! It doesn’t sound like you two are right for each other. It doesn’t make one right or wrong; but certainly not a fit together! Don’t wast another second of what’s left of your “youth” on him!

Post # 19
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

So, this doesn’t sound good.

 

At the very least, you aren’t anywhere on the same page. You are e xpecting him to propose NOW, he isn’t sure he wants to marry you. You are acutely aware of your biological clock, he’s not so sure about kids ever. You are a high earner with expectations for a $15000 engagement ring and he is resentful.

Bee, why is this the guy for you? Take away the fact that you’re 30 and he’s who you’re with right now. And take away all the history you have. Take all of that out of the equation. Why do you want to hitch yourself to this guy for the rest of your life? Nothing in this story is screaming marital bliss to me.

Post # 21
Member
6879 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

You haven’t been waiting 9 years. Up until not even a year ago you said you were dating other people! 

I’m in the minority I guess but I understand why he’s hesitant. You 2 have been on and off and on and off. Now you happen to be on for not even very long and suddenly that is supposed to lead to marriage?! You haven’t even had time to build a solid relationship. 

Add to this the fact that you two don’t even agree on basic life goals and you for some reason think a 15k ring is reasonable…i don’t even get why you’re in this relationship, let alone hoping to marry this guy.

You two are not compatible. Time to end it FOR GOOD and move on. 

Post # 22
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

 

Bee, why do you want to marry a man who:

  • isn’t romantic
  • doesn’t want children, when you do
  • he still doesn’t know if your relationship is “meant to be” after 9 years of off and on, and 1 year of living together again

 

He must be a total stallion in bed??

I assume romance is important to you, since you mentioned it. There are lots of men in the world who are romantic, who love to celebrate their partner on her birthday, their anniversary, and all the special occasions throughout the year. There are men who know they want children, and who would be excited to marry you after a smaller courtship.

Break up with your comfort blanket and go find one of them!

Post # 23
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

He doesn’t want to marry you and is stalling. I’m sorry, but you should move on. Also, please don’t listen to the people on here who can just be plain cruel. Everyone makes mistakes and it’s much easier to tell someone else what to do than to go through with it yourself.

Although, I’m not sure why people are freaking out about a $15k ring. That’s reasonable in some areas. She’s successful- leave the ring alone. 

Post # 26
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
jetsetbee2 :  There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting a 15k ring. There isn’t anything wrong with that being a priority. Just like there isn’t anything inherently wrong with not wanting to marry someone or wanting to remain childless. 

That’s what makes it hard. Neither one of you is wrong but you sound horribly wrong for each other.

Post # 28
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You lost me at $15k ring. If that’s not the most materialistic thing I’ve heard lately, then I don’t know what is. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why you haven’t seen a ring yet. The price shouldn’t matter, especially if the person buying the ring can’t afford whatever high expectation you’ve placed on it.

He can do better.

Post # 30
Member
6879 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
jetsetbee2 :  What about ALL THE OTHER THINGS you two seem to disagree on?

The ring price, I’ll admit, I think is ridiculous. Apparently he does too. I’ve never been one to tell someone else what amount I feel is acceptable for them to spend on a gift for me…like if he proposed with a 5k ring would you say no? Legit question. 

But regardless you two differ on a host of issues and life goals and are not compatible. You’d think after 9 years you’d have realized this. You haven’t been back together for very long and are already wanting marriage and the real question is WHY? Just because you’ve been together so long? Take that out of the equation and think if you really should be together at all, let alone married. The answer is no. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors