- 10 years ago
first four years : i was 20 years old when we met and didn’t care about marriage, told him it was just a piece of paper and dont care to get married. Was in university getting my first degree, he was done school and working.
four years in: start thinking i kinda wanna get married someday, so I tell him randomly while doing dishes ” so, remember when I said I didn’t care about getting married, well I changed my mind and I might wanna get amrried one day. just thought i’d let you know” and then we didn’t talk about it, but carried on. we just bought a house together, both working and renovating the new house.
six years in: i go back to school for second degree, start flipping houses together…. no proposal
seven years in: bought our four house to flip, he goes back to school also, i’m in school and people start to question why aren’t we married, its been SEVEN years. I didn’t really think about it till then as we are so busy with school and renaovations and working. I dont wanna be “that girl” to say something but i decide to say in a car ride “why haven’t you proposed yet?, and he says seriously?? your in school right now?? i wasn’t gonna start thinking about that till you were done. ( that would mean me being 30 years old). I tell him i wanna get engaged by 29, be engaged for a year and be married by 30. I dont need a ring or a wedding, i dont care about that stuff, that not whats its about. I just wanna say husband, and not boyfriend at this point. I tell him, that this is how i feel, this is what I want, and I wont say it again as I dont wanna be pushy.
29 goes by. no proposal.
january of 2011 ( i will be turning 30 in may of 2011): haven’t said ANYtHING since I was 27, i’m in my last year of school, to end in april: I write him a letter in january telling him i am hurt and starting to wonder if this will ever happen. we discuss the letter and come to an agreement that he will propose in 2011. We are currently building a house, its very stressful, we fight alot and its because I resent no proposal. He says its not a good time, we are building a house
may- birthday no proposal. I mention I am sad about it, he says he’ll take me ring shopping, but we have to finish th ehouse first
june- graduation, 9 year anniversary, no proposal, no ring shopping yet.
oct- we go to hawaii, house is almost done, no proposal. start becoming depressed, and having anxiety. crying secretly everyday…. starting to wonder if I even want him to propose now as I feel like its forced and i’m not happy anymore. Can’t control my emotions, feel like he might actually be waiting because he’s unsure, which is crazy as its been ten years. I start to wonder if I really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to make me happy, its not even about the ring or wedding anymore, or even th eproposal. Its now about disrespect.
Every single day, or at least 3 days a week, I have to explain to someone why we aren’t married. I say oh he’s waiting till i’m done school, till the house is done…. what next.
I’m preparing myself toleave him january 1st, if it doesn’t happen, yet I”m wondering if I shoud tell him how I feel, and that i’m not sure of the relationship anymore……..
yet, I just wanna ride it out, from from th eoutisde I KNOW how it looks to others, and i’m THAT girl! the one I never wanted to be. He now gets angry when I cry about it, ratehr than console me, and I have been bottled up inside and ready to explode. I know that anything I say wil make him frustrated that i’m not waiting till th ehouse is done. I feel like he is choosing the need to finish the house over my need for a promise, which doesn’t make sense. OR he is fucking scared of marriage and wont tell me!