(Closed) 9.5 years and waiting

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh sweetie, I feel for you and am sorry you’re going through this. I don’t think you should leave and not have a heart to heart with him. In everyones life there is going to always be some obsticle that will prevent them from doing something whether it’s marriage or a baby, school or work or building a house. If they truly want it they will not let the obsticle get in the way. You’re not asking to plan a wedding in the middle of schooling or building the house which I could see being stressful. You just want the promise of marriage.

After you talk to him and he still isn’t ready to commit then I’d understand if you wanted to break up with him. It will be painful but if he’s not ready for marriage and you are, you’re not on the same page and deserve to be with someone who is.

I wish you the best no matter what and we’re all here for you.

Post # 4
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sorry.. i feel like an idiot now since I just wrote a post complaining about waiting for 4 years!  Do you feel the way you do because you are worried about what other people think or do you truly in your heart want to take that next step?  I think you need to be open and talk to him about what you want and how you feel.  Tell him how important it is for you to take that next step.  Don’t get me wrong, you have come ALONG way in your relationship since buying a house is a step couples don’t manage to make until after marriage.  Once you two sort out the marriage issue all you really need to do is work on the child situation because it sounds as if you are well equipped with housing (on your 4th or 5th at the moment! well done!!) 

 

So yeah.. talk to him about it and if he doesn’t compromise and your need for marriage overpowers your love for your SO.. maybe it will be time to consider other alternatives 🙁

Post # 5
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

so sorry to hear what you are going through. Waiting sucks

Post # 6
Member
3274 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way.  You should definitely talk to him: put everything on the table.  Repeat that you said you wanted to be married but you’re not, that there’s little left of 2011, even though he promised you a ring.  Tell him it is make or break.  I’m not usually a fan of ultimatums but this has gone on too long and its clearly making you miserable.

BIG HUG!

Post # 7
Member
975 posts
Busy bee

Sorry to hear you’re having such a rough time. You guys need to talk about it. I know you’ve said about it in the past but you can’t expect him to know you’re seriously so upset you might leave him if you only talk about it every so often and he doesn’t know you’re crying in secret. Talk to him truthfully about all of this, what you just told us, and then give him the chance to prove to you that he does want to make that commitment. It’s only fair, I believe, to give him this chance if you are seriously considering an ultimatum (of which I am never a fan). Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I am so sorry to hear this. I have nothing further to say than ones already mentioned. Whatever happens, I believe it’s for the better.

Post # 9
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

You’ve given him a decade to be sure about you. I think you just need to tell him you’ve waited long enough, you told him before and you weren’t kidding. You have been WAY more patient that I would have been and I think you really love him, but he needs to respect your wishes and dreams, too. Life is crazy, things get in the way, but someone once told me “you make time for what’s important.” He needs to make time now for you, regardless of the house, school, or other stressful things in your life. There will always be an excuse not to do something if you really look for one, but life is about balancing those things. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, and I don’t blame you at all. I think, as others have said, have one more heart to heart with him before calling it quits, but do be resolved and ready to walk if he can’t do it.

A little story of a similar situation: My aunt was with a boyfriend for 5 years, got to the point where you are, he wouldn’t propose and she walked solely for that reason. He called and called and begged her to come back and each time she’d ask him if he was ready to get married. He’d say no and she’d tell him her mind had not changed. A few months later she met my uncle and 4 months after that they were engaged. They’ve been married for 22 years. Some people just aren’t ready when we are, it doesn’t make them bad people, just maybe not the people for us. What would be really sad would be to spend too much time with a potential Mr. Wrong, and not be available when Mr. Right comes along.

I will end that extremely long response with a big BEST OF LUCK! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ahhh that is a sucky position to be in. A friend of mine just got engaged to her boyfriend of 9 years and about 6 months before that she had officially given up on it ever happening and was quite sad about it.

Given that you are struggling with the emotions you are having on this, maybe you should talk to a counsellor? First to talk about how you are crying each day, and then to help you come up with a strategy to talk about this with him. Given he is resisting your emotional response to it, perhaps he needs to see that his not proposing is feeling to you like he has rejected you.

I would say dont leave until you have had a really clear and frank discussion on this.

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