Post # 1
It’s been 9mo since my wedding and I STILL resent every second of it. I really wish I could just get over it already because I know it’s not good for me or my relationship but I just can’t. Honestly we did have a good wedding (just a few minor bumps) but the bottom line is, it was never the wedding I wanted!! I wanted a small wedding by the beach and it was anything but that . I honestly would have been happier eloping than what I had. I never look back and have positive thoughts. My husband saw how much I struggled with every aspect of planning, almost had a mental breakdown from the beginning, but in the end it didn’t matter. I did it all for him bcz he wanted the big wedding with people whose names we didn’t even know 🙄 I pretty much begged to just cancel it all and go away and get married but he pretty much rolled his eyes and said yeah ok and walked away. He didn’t help plan it either. I knew if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done & I don’t like to half ass stuff so I powered through and did it all. I really wasn’t excited about any of it. It doesn’t help that our photographer was a total Biotch the day of wedding and our photos came out subpar at best. I was so disappointed with the outcome of them and I expressed that to her and she pretty much tried to blame it on me saying we didn’t have enough time. So many issues with her. I can’t even look back at my pics and be happy- I cringe everytime I see them! Maybe it’s my fault for not being more selfish when I should have. But it was either me give in to what my husband wanted or me have to fight for the wedding I wanted and feel like I have him (& his mom)resent me forever. To me it was a lose lose so I just gave in. I thought by now I would have gotten over it. I try to tell myself that we’ll just renew our vows in 10 years and do it how I want then but i know it won’t be the same. Has anyone felt the same way or am I just crazy?? I hate getting into arguments about it & I literally want to just erase my wedding day from my mind. 😕
Post # 2
Oh honey. I’m sorry it wasn’t everything you dreamed of. I regret a lot from my wedding. Like you, I wanted a beautiful beach wedding. I had everything planned out to go to Jamaica and be married at sunset. Unfortunately because of my in laws, this wasn’t a plan that worked for them. It was obviously important for my husband to have his parents there, so we had a wedding in our hometown, which still turned out beautiful.
You just got to focus on the positives!
If it means that much to you, maybe for your one year anniversary go to a beach, take your dress and him take a tie and shit and do a “vow renewal” type deal.
Im sure your wedding was absolutely gorgeous and perfect. We are our own worst critics and dwell on the negatives. Keep your head up, focus on the good parts of the wedding, and maybe plan for a future beautiful memory.
Post # 3
I resented my first wedding and the honeymoon for a long time but what helped me was hearing how much fun ppl had and how nice it was for everyone to see each other cuz lets face it, we do big weddings to please others by including everyone so hearing that people really enjoyed themselves helped me resolved my own negative outlook on it. Maybe join up with the girls and bring it up? Just a shot in the dark idea
Post # 4
Ugh I know. There are SO many things in life that are more important than this. I’m currently trying to fill my life with more positive experiences and memories so hopefully I can put my actual wedding day far behind me. It’s just hard constantly seeing people I know getting married and seeing their beautiful photos all over when I’m trying to forget mine. it makes me remember the negatives from mine and how it still bothers me.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
Try not to dwell on this.
Post # 6
You need to take more ownership in it. YOU put together this wedding, even though it wasn’t necessarily what you wanted, you made the sacrifces and put together what everyone else thinks was a pretty wonderful event. You need to be proud of that, and of all the things you learned along the way. Itls time to google the Desiderata, read it several times and then take it to heart! Especially the part about comparing.
Post # 7
Oh man. That’s hard! First thing: I read these boards a lot and you’re far far from the only bride in your situation! I’d almost say it’s more common than not. So don’t feel alone!
Second, whenever I go through something I regret I always see that I should have listened to my heart and not what other people tell me (or Pinterest!) I make way less mistakes and have less regrets than I used to when I was younger.
Even though it kinda sucks that it happened for your wedding you have so many experiences ahead of you and they’ll probably go better than they would have because you’ll listen to yourself more. Hahaha and you can tell your husband to shove it next time he tells you he wants something but is contributing zero work towards it 😉
Post # 8
Are things good with you and your husband? Does he continue to push his agenda over yours?
Post # 9
I only ever hear people say how much they love their wedding day so Its good to know I’m not the only one that feels this way!
jw2b : yes it is partly my fault because I seem to always do the things that other people want & put what I want last. I don’t speak up enough and that has always been a struggle of mine. I have made a commitment to myself this year to do the things that I want & make the most of life & I must say I have been pretty successful with that thus far. It’s just ashame I didn’t make that commitment before my wedding!
littlecats : I think with all of the social media today it makes it a lot easier to compare everything in life. It’s hard to avoid seeing other peoples beautiful wedding pictures and instantly think about my wedding & how I hate my pics. My photographer played a huge part in how I feel too. I think if I at least had nice pics i could at least look At them and smile. Now I just want to hide my album far far away lol
UK-bee : yes, other than this reoccurring argument everything is pretty good. There are times when I do feel like he doesn’t consider me in decisions he makes or I feel like he should take more initiative when it comes to making our love lives priority. I am always the one planning the fun things or bringing home little surprises for him etc. I feel like he puts his family over me at times and when I say how I feel of course he doesn’t agree. However I must say there are way more positive qualities that trump anything. I married him for a reason & im not one of those people that expect perfection.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front
kenz29 : I’m sorry that your memories are not happy ones. I was curious why you and your husband have reoccurring arguments over it though? :+(
Post # 11
Your husband sounds like he kind of sucks.
Post # 12
I’m not impressed with the way your husband treats your feelings and desires, bee.
Rolls his eyes at you?
Yes, I can see why he wouldn’t want to hear about a wedding that happened 9 months ago, but given that the pattern of behavior re the wedding choice – his choice to bulldoze you for his family- keeps repeating, well, he’s got some work to do to be a proper husband.
Post # 13
I am sorry bee, I know it must suck to feel this way. But I have to be honest: there’s nothing you can do about it now, so you need to try to let it go. It is not healthy to be dwelling on this so much a year after the fact.
I do agree with pp that your husband’s pattern of disregarding your feelings and wishes is really unacceptable. I wonder if that’s the underlying issue you’re upset about, but rather than confronting that head on, you’re focusing all your emotions on the disappointment of the wedding? It’s really uncool that he completely ignored your wishes for your wedding and then made you plan the wedding you didn’t want all by yourself! I dunno the more I think about that, and his subsequent prioritizing of his family over you, the more fired up on your account I am getting!
You say you struggle with always wanting to please others and not standing up for yourself. I wonder if changing that pattern would be the way to help you get past your wedding disappointment. I feel like if you could change that pattern you would feel empowered and liberated.
I feel like maybe a come to jesus talk with your husband is in order, where you just straight up tell him that things are changing going forward, that you’re not going to sit back and watch while he puts his family ahead of you and you’re not going to keep quiet when he makes a decision that you don’t agree with. From now on you will be standing up for yourself!
Post # 14
While I am very new to this BB, this is a subject I do know about. None of your feelings are really about your wedding, this is really between you andyour now husband. Your wants and needs weren’t taken into consideration and then you were expected to be the flatter doormat to appease everyone else. No wonder you are resentful and angry.
Your Husband wants to just rugsweep it because what is the big deal right? You’re overreacting, just let it go, its in the past, why are you so angry about this? Sound about right?
There is an old saying, “Start as if you mean to go on.”
No that you have had a really good taste of what putting your wants, needs and desires last, remember this feeling and do better next time (this is said with true compassion). Maybe its time to find a really good therapist who can teach you the skills you need to articulate and stand firm in your wants and needs andhelp you understand why you think yours are the least important. This is NOT saying you are crazy, or “need help” or have something wrong with you, it is really problem of someone told you to build a house but didn’t give you any instructions or tools…you need those tools.
I will say that someone watching their partner go through hell to plan what is supposed to be the happiest day of their lives and not lift a finger to plan the other partners wedding of his dreams, is a super sh**y thing to do andhe needs to learn that this is not acceptable.
Post # 15
bottom line- I need to learn how to just get over this wedding thing & I truly am really trying to. It certainly wasn’t the wedding of my dreams & maybe I do keep dwelling on it bcz I wasted a year and a half of my life stressing out planning the thing so most of my memories aren’t positive ones. It certainly frustrates me thinking about all of the times I broke down and my husband didn’t do much. If I could do it again I would have put the whole thing on hold until I was ready to actually have a wedding. i don’t question our marriage though. He really is my other half. Besides, it’s not all of his fault – Like I said I need to learn how to speak up and please myself sometimes instead of others. My husband is horrible at communication and I try to explain to him how I feel about things esp when I feel like he puts others over our relationship, but sometimes he stikl just doesn’t see it. He really did watch me go through hell though with the wedding planning, and you’re right, maybe that is why I resent it so much!