9mo later & still resent my wedding

posted 3 months ago in Recaps
Post # 2
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Oh honey. I’m sorry it wasn’t everything you dreamed of. I regret a lot from my wedding. Like you, I wanted a beautiful beach wedding. I had everything planned out to go to Jamaica and be married at sunset. Unfortunately because of my in laws, this wasn’t a plan that worked for them. It was obviously important for my husband to have his parents there, so we had a wedding in our hometown, which still turned out beautiful. 

You just got to focus on the positives! 

If it means that much to you, maybe for your one year anniversary go to a beach, take your dress and him take a tie and shit and do a “vow renewal” type deal. 

Im sure your wedding was absolutely gorgeous and perfect. We are our own worst critics and dwell on the negatives. Keep your head up, focus on the good parts of the wedding, and maybe plan for a future beautiful memory. 

Post # 3
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

I resented my first wedding and the honeymoon for a long time but what helped me was hearing how much fun ppl had and how nice it was for everyone to see each other cuz lets face it, we do big weddings to please others by including everyone so hearing that people really enjoyed themselves helped me resolved my own negative outlook on it. Maybe join up with the girls and bring it up? Just a shot in the dark idea

Post # 5
Member
2388 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

Try not to dwell on this. 

Post # 6
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You need to take more ownership in it.  YOU put together this wedding, even though it wasn’t necessarily what you wanted, you made the sacrifces and put together what everyone else thinks was a pretty wonderful event.  You need to be proud of that, and of all the things you learned along the way.  Itls time to google the Desiderata, read it several times and then take it to heart!  Especially the part about comparing.  

Post # 7
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Oh man. That’s hard!  First thing: I read these boards a lot and you’re far far from the only bride in your situation! I’d almost say it’s more common than not. So don’t feel alone!

Second, whenever I go through something I regret I always see that I should have listened to my heart and not what other people tell me (or Pinterest!) I make way less mistakes and have less regrets than I used to when I was younger. 

Even though it kinda sucks that it happened for your wedding you have so many experiences ahead of you and they’ll probably go better than they would have because you’ll listen to yourself more. Hahaha and you can tell your husband to shove it next time he tells you he wants something but is contributing zero work towards it 😉

 

Post # 8
Member
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

Are things good with you and your husband?  Does he continue to push his agenda over yours?

Post # 10
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

kenz29 :  I’m sorry that your memories are not happy ones.  I was curious why you and your husband have reoccurring arguments over it though? :+(

Post # 11
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

Your husband sounds like he kind of sucks.

Post # 12
Member
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not impressed with the way your husband treats your feelings and desires, bee. 

Rolls his eyes at you? 

Yes, I can see why he wouldn’t want to hear about a wedding that happened 9 months ago, but given that the pattern of behavior re the wedding choice – his choice to bulldoze you for his family- keeps repeating, well, he’s got some work to do to be a proper husband.

Post # 13
Member
3013 posts
Sugar bee

I am sorry bee, I know it must suck to feel this way. But I have to be honest: there’s nothing you can do about it now, so you need to try to let it go. It is not healthy to be dwelling on this so much a year after the fact. 

I do agree with pp that your husband’s pattern of disregarding your feelings and wishes is really unacceptable. I wonder if that’s the underlying issue you’re upset about, but rather than confronting that head on, you’re focusing all your emotions on the disappointment of the wedding? It’s really uncool that he completely ignored your wishes for your wedding and then made you plan the wedding you didn’t want all by yourself! I dunno the more I think about that, and his subsequent prioritizing of his family over you, the more fired up on your account I am getting!

You say you struggle with always wanting to please others and not standing up for yourself. I wonder if changing that pattern would be the way to help you get past your wedding disappointment. I feel like if you could change that pattern you would feel empowered and liberated. 

I feel like maybe a come to jesus talk with your husband is in order, where you just straight up tell him that things are changing going forward, that you’re not going to sit back and watch while he puts his family ahead of you and you’re not going to keep quiet when he makes a decision that you don’t agree with. From now on you will be standing up for yourself! 

Post # 14
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2018

While I am very new to this BB, this is a subject I do know about.  None of your feelings are really about your wedding, this is really between you andyour now husband.  Your wants and needs weren’t taken into consideration and then you were expected to be the flatter doormat to appease everyone else.  No wonder you are resentful and angry.

Your Husband wants to just rugsweep it because what is the big deal right?  You’re overreacting, just let it go, its in the past, why are you so angry about this?  Sound about right?

There is an old saying, “Start as if you mean to go on.”

No that you have had a really good taste of what putting your wants, needs and desires last, remember this feeling and do better next time (this is said with true compassion).  Maybe its time to find a really good therapist who can teach you the skills you need to articulate and stand firm in your wants and needs andhelp you understand why you think yours are the least important.  This is NOT saying you are crazy, or “need help” or have something wrong with you, it is really problem of someone told you to build a house but didn’t give you any instructions or tools…you need those tools.

I will say that someone watching their partner go through hell to plan what is supposed to be the happiest day of their lives and not lift a finger to plan the other partners wedding of his dreams, is a super sh**y thing to do andhe needs to learn that this is not acceptable.

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