9mo later & still resent my wedding

posted 3 months ago in Recaps
Post # 16
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

He owes you a trip in 4 years, 3 months, to where H and I DID elope in Jamaica 🙂  It’s done, you’re married, try to let it go as best as you can.  You can have a simple, beach, vow renewal and get what YOU wanted, and just have a great relaxed time to celebrate 5 years married 🙂

Sure, you see wonderful photos and people talk about how happy they were – most people are not going to admit they had anything that made them sad unless it was really, really a big deal to them.  Keep reading this board and you will find some train wrecks of a wedding – but it’s over.  

Know something?  People are looking at YOUR photos and thinking the same thing – look how pretty it was, how wonderful it was, how happy they are.  

Learning to talk frankly to each other without making a fight out of things is a hard, lifelong effort.  Good thing you’ve got time to work on it 🙂  Resentment sucks the life out of love – it’s best to let it go as soon as you can, and focus on what he DOES do for you, how he DOES help you.  

I hope you’re able to feel better and not worry so much about it in the future.  

Post # 18
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Maybe you could get another photoshoot done? Your first anniversary isn’t far away! And your husband definitely owes you a trip where you don’t have to plan any of it. We’ll have to take your word for it that’s he’s lovely because he did not behave well in this. 

Post # 19
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

Your post really resonated with me.  I felt like I was probably one of the few brides in the world that didn’t want a big wedding.  I thought wow wouldn’t it be lucky for the guy to not have to go through with a big wedding like most girls want?  Lo and behold I get what I felt like the ONE guy in the world that wanted a big wedding!  Well this is how I felt when I found out that he wanted a big wedding, I always wanted to elope because to me I felt weddings were a big waste of money and I never wanted to be the center of attention.

Both he and my mom wanted a big wedding.  My mom just wanted to invite friends and family and show off which was super annoying and she didn’t want to help at all.  DH though, is not as organized as me but he was hand and hand going to all vendor appointments and what not.  He wanted a big wedding but not as big as my mom did and the guest list got crazy big.  Luckily he was on the same page as me as trying to get through this wedding as cheaply as possible without looking or actually being cheap.

We have a fabulous time planning the wedding!!  I’m sorry you didn’t get that.

Even though the wedding was not what I wanted, I felt the wedding brought DH and I closer and really made me feel I made the right choice with him.

At one point we thought we cut too many corners and it was going to be a terrible train wreck of a wedding but amazingly everything just worked out well!  Like the stars aligned and blessed our wedding.  Everything just turned out really well.

Again even though it’s not the wedding I wanted it was still a great time and I have very fond memories of it.

I know your DH didn’t help you but didn’t you feel happy walking down the aisle and seeing your DH?  Just think about all the little moments you had in the wedding that made you happy.  Aka reflect on the good times and not the bad.  Maybe that will help?

Honestly I was even happier when the wedding was over and we were finally married.  Being married is what important.  The wedding was just a day.

Post # 20
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

kenz29 :  what if you and your DH did a weekend getaway for your 1 year anniversary on the beach? Hire a good photographer, where a white dress and have a nice intimate photo session on the beach. Just the two of you. Get your hair and makeup done too! Take it a step further and do a boudoir photo session as a surprise for him! 

Im sorry you didn’t have the wedding you wanted. My Dad passed away very suddenly 2 months before my wedding. I hate looking at all of the formal family portraits, me walking down the aisle alone.. my Uncle (Dad’s brother) did the father daughter dance with me. While the photos came out lovely, it’s still painful to see. 

Nothing will ever go as planned. All you can do is make the best of your own situation. 

Post # 21
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee

anthonyswife :  This! Who says you have to wait until you 10th anniversary for a do over. Have an amazing anniversary vacation somewhere tropical (a lot of all-inclusive places throw in a free wedding if you book 5 nights) and have a do-over. 🙂

Post # 22
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Check out cheapcaribbean.com! Lots of great deals :o)

Post # 23
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I just wanted to say you are definitely not alone!

My wedding was about a month and a half ago and I have such conflicted feelings about it. And I hope it makes you feel better that mine actually was a destination elopement, with just our 2 childhood best friends.

Even though it was small I obsessed about trip planning and details like the dress, hair, shoes, flowers, etc. The ceremony itself was so sweet and had so many happy tears and all my trip plans worked out but (long story short) my flowers for the wedding were a huge fail (delivered practically dead and completely different flowers/colors than what I ordered) and my hair looked horrendous and I didn’t realize till seeing the photos afterwards (was frizzy and greasy because of all the product the stylist put in). Both of these vendors had GORGEOUS instagram accounts that I had to use to choose them since we were traveling from abroad. Now every pic makes me feel sick with regret, like I wasted so much time and money and effort on something that didn’t go to plan. I honestly find the photos embarrassing. And then I realize how petty and stupid it is to be upset about those elements of an otherwise special day and feel worse lol. Sigh.

I also am now dreading other people’s weddings because of the disappointed feelings over mine. And, I too, was the only planner, which probably explains why my husband is completely happy with how it went while I dwell on the “things that went wrong”.

I’m sure we will both get over it, but just sucks at the moment. Sending you hugs and I hope you DO go to Jamaica and take some new beautiful photos with happy memories ASAP 🙂

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