Post # 16
He owes you a trip in 4 years, 3 months, to where H and I DID elope in Jamaica 🙂 It’s done, you’re married, try to let it go as best as you can. You can have a simple, beach, vow renewal and get what YOU wanted, and just have a great relaxed time to celebrate 5 years married 🙂
Sure, you see wonderful photos and people talk about how happy they were – most people are not going to admit they had anything that made them sad unless it was really, really a big deal to them. Keep reading this board and you will find some train wrecks of a wedding – but it’s over.
Know something? People are looking at YOUR photos and thinking the same thing – look how pretty it was, how wonderful it was, how happy they are.
Learning to talk frankly to each other without making a fight out of things is a hard, lifelong effort. Good thing you’ve got time to work on it 🙂 Resentment sucks the life out of love – it’s best to let it go as soon as you can, and focus on what he DOES do for you, how he DOES help you.
I hope you’re able to feel better and not worry so much about it in the future.
Post # 17
I like where you’re heads at! Maybe take some new pictures and create some new memories 🙃 Like I had mentioned- was extremely disappointed with my photos & that’s a huge reason why I don’t even want to think about my wedding. My expectations for them were definitely high & my photographer really let me down. Maybe one day I’ll look back and finally realize that they aren’t so bad but for now I’m ready to archive them. I can guarantee if I was Atleast in love with my photos I wouldn’t be hating on my wedding so much. Kinda hard to reminisce & think good thoughts when every pic you see you hate
Post # 18
Maybe you could get another photoshoot done? Your first anniversary isn’t far away! And your husband definitely owes you a trip where you don’t have to plan any of it. We’ll have to take your word for it that’s he’s lovely because he did not behave well in this.
Post # 19
Your post really resonated with me. I felt like I was probably one of the few brides in the world that didn’t want a big wedding. I thought wow wouldn’t it be lucky for the guy to not have to go through with a big wedding like most girls want? Lo and behold I get what I felt like the ONE guy in the world that wanted a big wedding! Well this is how I felt when I found out that he wanted a big wedding, I always wanted to elope because to me I felt weddings were a big waste of money and I never wanted to be the center of attention.
Both he and my mom wanted a big wedding. My mom just wanted to invite friends and family and show off which was super annoying and she didn’t want to help at all. DH though, is not as organized as me but he was hand and hand going to all vendor appointments and what not. He wanted a big wedding but not as big as my mom did and the guest list got crazy big. Luckily he was on the same page as me as trying to get through this wedding as cheaply as possible without looking or actually being cheap.
We have a fabulous time planning the wedding!! I’m sorry you didn’t get that.
Even though the wedding was not what I wanted, I felt the wedding brought DH and I closer and really made me feel I made the right choice with him.
At one point we thought we cut too many corners and it was going to be a terrible train wreck of a wedding but amazingly everything just worked out well! Like the stars aligned and blessed our wedding. Everything just turned out really well.
Again even though it’s not the wedding I wanted it was still a great time and I have very fond memories of it.
I know your DH didn’t help you but didn’t you feel happy walking down the aisle and seeing your DH? Just think about all the little moments you had in the wedding that made you happy. Aka reflect on the good times and not the bad. Maybe that will help?
Honestly I was even happier when the wedding was over and we were finally married. Being married is what important. The wedding was just a day.
Post # 20
what if you and your DH did a weekend getaway for your 1 year anniversary on the beach? Hire a good photographer, where a white dress and have a nice intimate photo session on the beach. Just the two of you. Get your hair and makeup done too! Take it a step further and do a boudoir photo session as a surprise for him!
Im sorry you didn’t have the wedding you wanted. My Dad passed away very suddenly 2 months before my wedding. I hate looking at all of the formal family portraits, me walking down the aisle alone.. my Uncle (Dad’s brother) did the father daughter dance with me. While the photos came out lovely, it’s still painful to see.
Nothing will ever go as planned. All you can do is make the best of your own situation.
Post # 21
This! Who says you have to wait until you 10th anniversary for a do over. Have an amazing anniversary vacation somewhere tropical (a lot of all-inclusive places throw in a free wedding if you book 5 nights) and have a do-over. 🙂
Post # 22
Check out cheapcaribbean.com! Lots of great deals :o)
Post # 23
I just wanted to say you are definitely not alone!
My wedding was about a month and a half ago and I have such conflicted feelings about it. And I hope it makes you feel better that mine actually was a destination elopement, with just our 2 childhood best friends.
Even though it was small I obsessed about trip planning and details like the dress, hair, shoes, flowers, etc. The ceremony itself was so sweet and had so many happy tears and all my trip plans worked out but (long story short) my flowers for the wedding were a huge fail (delivered practically dead and completely different flowers/colors than what I ordered) and my hair looked horrendous and I didn’t realize till seeing the photos afterwards (was frizzy and greasy because of all the product the stylist put in). Both of these vendors had GORGEOUS instagram accounts that I had to use to choose them since we were traveling from abroad. Now every pic makes me feel sick with regret, like I wasted so much time and money and effort on something that didn’t go to plan. I honestly find the photos embarrassing. And then I realize how petty and stupid it is to be upset about those elements of an otherwise special day and feel worse lol. Sigh.
I also am now dreading other people’s weddings because of the disappointed feelings over mine. And, I too, was the only planner, which probably explains why my husband is completely happy with how it went while I dwell on the “things that went wrong”.
I’m sure we will both get over it, but just sucks at the moment. Sending you hugs and I hope you DO go to Jamaica and take some new beautiful photos with happy memories ASAP 🙂
Post # 24
yes! At least we both understand each other! I feel so dumb complaining about it too because it is petty but I think at least for us women it’s such a significant part of our life & that is why it’s easy to get upset about it. I would feel really silly taking new wedding photos but a vow renewal I think I would definitely do! It would never be my wedding, but it might be enough for me to be satisfied. I hate attention & having that big wedding with people I didn’t even know was horrible. The wedding just wasn’t ME. I’m a simple, quiet girl who never wanted the big to do of a wedding but unfortunately that’s what I ended up with. I’m def with you with dreading others weddings. I already went to 2 weddings since and I’m in a 3rd next month. I just want nothing to do with weddings right now!
I think the only things that were fun for us were the food & cake tastings! Every thing else I would have loved to skip over. The sad part is I thought the wedding planning distanced my husband and I. There were times I didn’t even want to be in the same room as him & just wished we could go back to before we were engaged. We never ever fought before, but during the planning it was all the time. I may have been the one picking the fights most of the time but it was bcz I was constantly stressed. I think the only thing that helped us was taking a month or two at a time and doing nothing wedding related.
Post # 25
Wow this is so how I feel. Ignoring your gut. How many times have I done that and regretted it. I eloped 9 months ago and it’s the biggest regret of my life. I wanted a small wedding at a park but my husband freaked out because he wanted to elope because the problem is his mother is a psycho and she would have ruined any kind of wedding. His parents had a horrible divorce too and his dad who is amazing (poor thing) if he would have brought his girlfriend of twenty years his mom would have freaked and made a huge scene so we eloped because of her. So I planned an amazing elopement and honeymoon on paper and it was lonely and anticlimactic and I missed my parents and it still cost a lot of money and now I’m left with anger and my mother in law is still the worst person ever and I hate her even more. Honestly I wish I would have stood up and said this is what I want, I make the rules and if you don’t like it you’re out because now I just grit my teeth and smile. The only thing is my husband was very happy on our wedding day so I guess I did it for him but it was hard and it’s hard now.
We should promise we will never ignore our gut again.
Post # 26
this is us too. Wish we could have just stayed engaged forever