Post # 1
So my youngest daughter is in 3rd grade. She has been having issues with another little girl in her class. It all started when my daughter went to school after staying overnight at the little girl’s house and telling a few other little girls the party was boring. After that, the girl started being mean towards my daughter and calling names. My daughter did the same. I have had numerous discussions with her regarding this. Then last week I hear from my daughter that this girl called her the C u next tuesday word, b****, m-f er and a few other choice names. I spoke with the teacher because apparently another girl in class heard this and told the teacher as well. The teacher didn’t seem to know anything about the names. I called the girl’s mother and explained to her what I had heard and she insisted that her daughter didn’t know what those names meant. I said it didn’t matter if she knew what they meant or not, they were still said. I never even heard of those words at that age! This little girl also sent a text message to my daughter apologizing for the mean things she said and asked if she still wanted to be friends. My daughter did not respond. The next day she gets another text from the girl saying to stay out of her life. I texted the girl from my daughters phone stating that she needs to stop contacting her and that I would be discussing the issue with her mother.
So fast forward to yesterday. I pick my daughter up from school and she seemed really upset. I asked her what happened and she said this little girl wrote a note to another girl saying she wanted to kill my daughter. I am beyond mad. I emailed the teacher and told her the situation. She is aware of it and had already gone to the vice principal. I also called the girl’s mother and she said she hears one story from me and another from her daughter and that maybe we all need to sit down and talk about it. She also told me that her daughter has issues with getting along with other girls. NO SH**!
(my 3rd grader has a phone only so I can contact her when she is at her dad’s)
Not sure what I can do. I am tempted to have her moved to a different room but this is happening at recess and at lunch.
Post # 3
Yikes! I am so so sorry. That is really upsetting and I cant believe little girls that age are acting like that! I think sitting down with the other girls mom would be a good idea. Then maybe sitting down with your daughters as well. That other girl needs to know what is appropriate and what is not. Saying you want to kill someone crosses a line and she needs to learn that. I hope your daughter isnt scared to go to school 🙁
Post # 4
The thing is, the school has an Anti-Bullying policy in place. I would think this crosses the line. You see on the news all the time about kids killing kids at school and I am so fearful of what could happen now.
Post # 5
Oh man how horrible! I’m so sorry you and your daughter have to go through this! I would also say sitting down with the mother (and with your daughters) and going through this might be a wise idea. Honestly it sounds like the little girl has some bad stuff going on, I say this because of her flip-floppy attitude, words, and attacks. It seems odd to me that a 8-9 year old girl would act this way, maybe there is something going on at home. Where does a child freakin’ learn to send a death threat!? Whatever the case may be, this is NOT ok.
Being that the school has this policy, maybe all four of you should go to the office together? Keep us posted!
Post # 6
It’s relieving that the mother has agreed to sit down and discuss it; and someone should look into where the other girl is learning this behavior from. Some school districts have anti-bullying mediation and “reform programs” – I’d see if that’s available in your district.
I would also advise your daughter not to give out her cell phone number, especially since she is so young. If the phone really is just so that you can contact her while she is at her father’s, it’s evident your daughter doesn’t feel the same way about its use. You never know who could get ahold of one of her friend’s phones that has her phone number programmed into it, and the consequences of her phone number getting out could be far worse than just text message threats.
Post # 7
I would request to have a meeting with the teacher, the princepal and the girl’s mother if that’s possible. I’m not sure if that’s fesible, but it can’t hurt to ask.
Post # 8
I’m just shocked that 8 year olds write things like I’m going to kill her. WTF?! I’m so sorry you and your daughter have to go through this, but at least your daughter isn’tt afraid to tell you these things, and let it escalate. Wise girl.
Post # 9
I also recommend a sit down with everyone and then add the girls in. We had an issue at the school I was working in between two boys. We’d hear one side but then the other family would counter with similar claims (both sides saying their own child couldn’t be at fault). Once everyone sat down together it became VERY apparent who the trouble maker was. Once the two boys were brought in and questions were directed at them it was obvious who had been lying and who had been telling the truth. Subsequently we had to remove one of the boys from the class.
Post # 10
I am so sorry, this is awful to deal with. I have to say that my friends with daughters went through this way more often. Girls are really mean, especially verbally and that’s what’s what so hard to deal with. I cannot believe the words that came out of that girl’s mouth though. At that age too. Wow. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help your daughter and hopefully the other parent and the school will cooperate too.
I’ll tell you what I did to handle that situation with my son when he was in fourth grade. He has Asperger’s and is different socially than most other kids. I was always worried that he would be bullied because of his personality but it turned out that he had many friends who were very protective of him. One boy though just started bullying him, out of the blue, it seemed. I tried talking to the teacher a few times and nothing was resolved and it was breaking my heart because my child was basically defenseless against this kid because of his Asperger’s (which is another post). So, one day I was dropping my son off at school and I saw the bully hanging out with his friends. I walked over to him and I didn’t yell or threaten, but I said something along the lines of, “I know you’re bullying N and it stops today. Now. Don’t look at him, don’t talk to him.”
Now, I know I scared him and it was inappropriate to go outside the channel of school authority and parent solutions so I’m not suggesting this as a solution, but I was incredibly lucky because it could have been disasterous. But it did work because I never had another problem with that kid again. Now, if someone said they were going to kill my child, I might have gone medieval. You seem to be handling this situation with way more grace than I did. I totally feel your pain, one mom to another and I hope this gets resolved quickly. Good luck 🙂
Post # 11
I know my daughter is in no way innocent in this situation. I know she has called this little girl names, mean, weird and things like that. I had a very long talk with my daughter last night about what it means to be a friend and I told her that she is doing the exact same thing to this other girl by talking about her behind her back and calling names. I did tell her though that the names this girl called her are not ok and she should never allow anyone to talk to her that way. I also told her that it was not ok for the note threatening to kill to be written.
I will say that it took a lot of willpower not to go to this girl’s house last night and rip her and her mom a new one.