(Closed) Ashamed

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

It’s easy to become caught up in the planning and making everything perfect.  No one will fault you for that.  It’s obvious that you are a caring person and please don’t beat yourself up over your wish for a nice wedding. 

If you are serious aout contributing to a good cause, commit some time and energy to a local charity after your wedding is over.  Many people have their own charitable causes and I’m not comfortable with someone requesting a donation to a charity in lieu of a wedding gift.  I’m a Future Mother-In-Law and my view of a wedding gift is to help the couple start their life together with either items of comfort or necessity. Just my thoughts. 

I think everyone feels guilty at some time in their life for being a little selfish–that’s human nature.  You are certainly not alone.  Best wishes.

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes I felt that way – we had generous contributions from our parents and enough money ourselves, and were able to afford a pretty nice wedding. There wasn’t much we skimped on. It did feel incredibly indulgent and middle class at time! On the other hand, we have worked hard to earn that money (as have our parents). Who is to say what we should or shouldn’t spend it on? We are good people who try to do good things every day and I didn’t see that having the wedding we wanted changed that about us. In particular, us *not* having a wedding wasn’t going to solve world hunger. I’m not sure if this justification would work for you, but it’s how I came to peace with it in my own mind! If you can’t come to peace with your plans it might be time to re-evaluate though – you won’t be able to enjoy the planning or the day if you are racked with guilt!

Post # 5
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I can totally relate. It makes me sad sometimes when I realize how much money I’m spending. I try not to get too bummed though. As mountain.bride has said we’ve all worked very hard for money we’re spending on the wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

We had a charitable donation thing – two conservation place since we’re both biologists – and then no registry.  We still ended up getting lots of gifts, mainly cash, but a lot of people did donate to an organization instead.  We like the 10% tithing, which we don’t always give to a church, some but not all, but haven’t always gotten there either so it felt like a good way to do what we felt like we should be doing anyways. 

Post # 7
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

The important thing here is that you realize your mistakes and you are trying to correct them. You tend to get caught up in the me, me, me until we see how well we have it. I’m glad that you decideds to make changes and not become a beezilla.Laughing

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