(Closed) Biphobia

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with you 100%.  I actually don’t even tell anyone anymore because it’s too exhausting to deal with.  Also, I don’t know why people suddenly feel like they can ask me very personal questions once they find out!  I’ve never quite felt accepted by the LGBT community (especially now that I’m engaged to a man), and I’m looked at with suspicion by straight people.  It’s frustrating!

Post # 4
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I actually believe MOST people are bisexual. I don’t think many people are completely straight or gay, I think there’s a little bit of attraction to each gender in most people.

I identify as straight, but i’m not completely straight. I have kissed girls before and I look at women a lot of the time and think they are very pretty, or check out their bodies (if FH gets the mens mags, I will steal them and perv on the girls, while he reads the stories in there).

Labels are stupid, they are only there to make it easier to judge people for being ‘different’, but really we are ALL different. I would probably never go out with a woman, so i’m called straight, but as mentioned above, I am not COMPLETELY straight.

As for those girls who ‘don’t date bis’, you would think they might have been a little more accepting, having probably been discriminated against for the sexual preferences, but would you really want to go out with someone who was prejudiced against you anyway?

I think it’s mainly ignorance, the gender you’re attracted to has no impact on who you are as a person, so maybe people just don’t know any better and assume bisexual women sleep around, or bisexual men just aren’t out of the closet yet. It sucks, but now that it’s becoming more accepted it will change over time.

Post # 5
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I completely agree with you OP. I am not bisexual, or bicurious, I am very much straight, but I still think that yes people can be bisexual, and it is not just gay people not coming out of the closet. And of course they can be with just one person and commit to them completely!

 

@Lovemelovemyhorses:  I disagree that most people are bisexual, people can be completely straight, just as they can be completely gay or bisexual.

Post # 6
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t even identify as bi and I’ve noticed the bi phobia. See the currently-active “my prof said something odd today…” thread for my detailed views on why I think this has happened.

I find it’s hypocritcal of the gay community in particular to outcast the bi people and to tell them that their orientation does not exist, that they’re making it up, for whatever reason. Isn’t this the exact treatment from the straight community to them, that they’ve been fighting against? Now they are turning around and doing it to the bi people.

I’m sorry it muddies the water, gay community, but grow up. Reality is complicated.

Post # 7
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Thanks for the post, I know it hurts but a lot of people really don’t know any better. The information they have about bisexuality comes from media and friends and so many and just really ignorant. I experience this during my time as a club officer. Usually a short explanation really helps dispel stereotypes and myths and people are frequently receptive. 

I posted this on that thread… 

“It’s probably already mentioned so I’ll just leave this here: 

Bisexual is not bicurious. I am bisexual. I’ve never dated another woman and I’m not “curious” to sexually explore women. I’ve never had sex with another woman, I’m just attracted to them as I am men. The Fiance mentioned in this post may have never had any sexual relations with other men and why would that matter anyway?

I’m in a loving exclusive relationship with my Fiance and me being attracted to women doesn’t change our relationship. We also have NO desire to envolve any other women in our relationship.  This isn’t to dismiss people with open relationships, we are extremely jealous people and would both be very hurt if we had an open relationship. 

A common misconception of bisexuality is that it’s synonymous with perversion and sex with everyone. This is not the case. It is mearly attraction to more than one sex/gender.  

Just wanted to clear some things up. I used to be a representive of an LGBTQIAOP club in college so feel free to ask any questions.

Edit: I also want to dispel the myth that there are few “true” bisexual men. This is simply not true and is a current misconception that is predominant in even the LGBT community. We are not always so knowledgible of others’ sexuality. I myself am not an expert, however I spent years studying sex and gender at my university so I believe I can either answer your questions or direct you to a source that can.

 

Post # 8
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Jacqui90:  

Yes, people can be completely straight or gay, but I don’t believe MOST people are. I think there is a sliding scale, it’s not as black and white as many people make it out to be. I think there is some element of attraction to the same sex in a lot of people. This Is why I don’t think ‘gay’, ‘straight’ and ‘bi’ are accurate representations of sexual preference, lumping people into one of 3 categories COULD be accurate, but when people think of bisexuals, they generally think of someone who dates men and women. In my view, bisexuals can be people who are mostly attracted to the same or opposite sex, but still fantasize, look at, kiss or have a crush on the sex that they aren’t mainly attracted to. The kinsley scale is a prerty good notion imo.

Post # 9
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree that it’s a continuum, and that sexuality is fluid.  I dated women in college, and at the end of high school I was pretty much ready to proclaim my homosexuality…and then I met a guy who I fell for.  That was my pattern in college — date a few girls, date a guy — and then I dated guys for a while, and then started dating my fiance.  I know a lot of women like this, who dated both men and women while they were in college and “settled” on one or the other as they got older.  I think the potential for a homosexual relationship exists within many of us (just as the potential for a heterosexual relationship exists within many of us), and I think that is why some people are so violently anti-homosexuals — they are terrified because they can see themselves with another man or woman.

Post # 10
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

I identify as bisexual and I’m lucky enough to have parents who understand the sexuality continuum, but I had quite a lot of flack from both the straight and gay communities over the year for having the nerve to flit between dating men and dating women.

Here’s hoping we can start moving towards a little more acceptance that you can be a. bisexual and b. bisexual and monogamous.

Post # 11
Member
10572 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think some of the problem may be that I think very few people are attracted completely equally to both males and females.  How far off does someone need to be before they are no longer considered bi?

Personally, I just accept what someone tells me, unless they are obviously more at the opposite end of a spectrum than what they say; like a gay man saying he is straight.

Post # 12
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Wow, some of the ignorance in that thread is astounding.

I identified as lesbian throughout high school and most of college, and then I happened to fall for a guy. It threw me for a huge loop. I got so much crap from my gay friends (“You can go from straight to bi, but not gay to bi. That’s backwards and it doesn’t work that way.” “I would never date someone who’s bi, that’s twice as many people they can cheat on you with.”) I’m dating a man (almost five years now) and I’ve never had the desire to leave him for ANYONE. I don’t “crave vaginas.”

I’ve been conditioned not to think of myself as a “true” bisexual because I’m still 90% attracted to women. I jokingly used the term “lesbian making an exception” until a professor put it more eloquently — “queer with heterosexual privileges.”

I told my SO before we even started dating in case it was going to be a problem for him (wouldn’t want him to be “horrified”)…

Post # 14
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Bebealways:  You are not alone in this. I’ve dealt with it for quite a while. I can’t even count how many people (usually men) have told me I’m ‘not really bi’ because I’ve never had sex with a girl. Ummmm, did you have to have sex with a girl to know you were straight? Maybe some people do, I guess, but I’d be willing to guess that’s rare. I’ve known this about myself for a very long time and being condescended to like that is infuriating. 

I particularly remember one college lecture where we were discussing human sexuality and my professor asked the classroom, how they felt about bisexuals, and one of the people he called on was a good friend of mine who was gay and a prominent member of our LGBTQ campus organization. I was sitting right next to him and he was one of very few people who actually knew I was bi. 

His response to the professor? “I don’t have a problem with bi people; I just think they’re so GREEDY.” 

SMH. 

Post # 15
Member
5569 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Bebealways:  +1 to all of this. Don’t even get me started.

Post # 16
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think a lot of the ignorance about bisexual individuals is cyclical. Many people believe that bisexuals are one step away from being “fully”  gay or “fully” straight. That it is some type of in-between stage for confused people. People will cite evidence of having a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend who was bi, but then ended up “picking a side.”

The problem with this argument is that it perpetuates itself. People don’t get a chance to see, and interact, with people who are bisexual because bisexual people may end up hiding the fact that they are attracted to another sex in order to be accepted by the straight or gay community.

There are studies that show that female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality, but people confuse that with men not being able to be bisexual. Plus, it seems likely to me that men have fluid sexuality as well, it is just more repressed.

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