Post # 1
So as many Facebook engagements as there are, lately I’ve been noticing a lot of breakups too. These are couple who I always thought were perfect for each other and was super shocked when I found out they’re taking a break, officially breaking up, or reconsidering where they want to be in life. That’s 3 distinct scenarios my friends have been through.
On the one hand, it makes me proud of how strong my relationship with SO is. I like to think we have great communication, and any time this sort of thing happens to our friends we talk about it and kind of reflect on our own relationship in terms of how we’re not like that or how we’d handle their situaitons differently.
On the other hand, it gets me really down. As I mentioned, I know all 3 of these couples. One of them was engaged (together 5+ years), the others constantly talked about getting married (4+ years), and in the third the guy was about to start looking at rings (2+ years). So when I found out about all of these, each time it’s been a little chip off what I thought I knew about relationships.
All this makes me wonder, how long do you have to be together for it to work out? It seems that whether you’re together 2, 4, or 5 years before you get married, no one is safe from breaking up. Would 10 years make a difference? Or does it have nothing to do with time?
It used to be that the longer you were together, the better foundation you had. But even people who have been married for years and years can still break up. So what makes couples stay together?
This is just me thinking out loud. I was just curious if anyone had any other opinions on this.
Thanks for reading =]
ETA: Humbug on the spacing!
Post # 3
@Kat_Kit2000: Honestly, I don’t know. I hope I’ve learned with my past breakups, but in the end, I don’t really know. I feel like I’m good with my SO because I feel like we’re both willing to work on what ever needs work to keep us strong as a couple, but in the end I don’t really have any answers.
Post # 4
@Kat_Kit2000: I think it has nothing to do with time.
I have seen this too with my one good friend. It was sad because even though we all loved her now ex he was just doing absolutely nothing with his life. She is a highly successful accountant and he was content to live with his parents. In the end as much as they cared for one another they were incompatible.
I do have to agree that it can be scary and sad to see couples break up especially ones that you truly believed would end up being together forever.
I like to believe that my SO and I have what it takes to be together forever but in the end there is really no way to know what will happen. I always am a little wary of couples that make statements like “We’ll never break up” because I feel like in many cases (not all) these people are going to ignore the little issues that are usually what sink a relationship.
I think it is super healthy that you and your SO sit down and talk when you see these sorts of things. It shows that you are determined to work for the success of your relationship.
Post # 5
@Kat_Kit2000: I hear you. I have a friend who’s been with her husband 15 years, and they dated 7 years before they got married (I’m on a similar path). She told me a few months ago that she is separating from him. I was SHOCKED! I always thought having a longer time dating would make for a better foundation, so I am confident in my 6 years with my SO, but this rattled me.
My parents divorced after about 20 years. Another couple of friends broke up after 7.5 years (although they were struggling the last 2)
You honestly just never know. SO and I reflect about our relationship as well. I know that with my parents there was a lack of communication. With the married couple and the 7.5 year couple, 1 of them had only had sex with the other partner, and it caused issues (not saying that it will with everyone).
SO and I agreed that we would never go down without a fight. I never want to lose him. I’ve had a couple people on here say the “you need to find a guy who’s gonna propose to you without making you wait,” and my reaction to that is: if I am willing to walk away because we are on different timelines, it would be easy for me to walk away if there is another thing we don’t agree on in the future. What if I want to have kids at 30, and he wants to have kids at 32? Do I divorce him because he’s making me wait? I see so many people giving up relationships so quickly, and it’s sad.
Post # 6
@Kat_Kit2000: No amount of time together determines if you will last or not. Some people just aren’t meant to be together forever. I was with my first husband for 10 years before we married, we split 8 months later, because I just wasn’t happy.. My husband now, we dated a year and married, and are together 7 years now and going strong. So, it just depends on the couple, not the amount of time together.. What is meant to be, will be..
Also, I believe marriage and relationships take alot of work. Sometimes, one person isn’t willing to work at it as much as they should, and that is why they split.
Post # 7
In the time that my SO and I have been together, we have seen two sets of friends meet, get married, AND start divorce proceedings. My SO says that seeing friends breakup changed the way he thought about marriage.
What really hurts when seeing friends breakup is when you find out WHY. One of my SO’s friends is basically on the verge of cheating on his wife. I don’t want to get involved, but it’s really changed how we interact with him. At the same time, I’m really happy that my guy is NOT cool with the shenanigans his friends are pulling on their wives, so we just take their examples as what not to do.