Post # 1
I have been reading the threads over the past few months. I have noticed a few things. Most of the bees who comment are geniunely kind and try to be helpful, however, I have noticed that some just seem like they have their claws out. I know that everone has their issues and things in their lives that bring this behavior out, but I just thing that we should remember that others may have things going on that they just need support. I’m not here to judge or be judged but everyone has feelings and there is always a way to say things that doesn’t sound quite so judgemental.
We only see what the OP has stated in a small paragraph, yet some are so quick to say dump him, or it’s all your fault or something like that. I have seen people post on here for advice and end up getting replies like If you are asking for advice on the internet then you have major problems in your relationship.
These are observations I’ve made and I’m just curious if anyone else has noticed them.
Post # 3
@beginningagain: +1. I’ve been noticing a lot of that as well. One person posted about their cat being sick and not being sure the could afford the vet bills and rather than people saying they felt bad or giving suggestions she got told continuous that she was a horrible pet owner and shouldn’t have a cat if she can’t afford vet bills etc. I honestly felt horrible and messaged her privately about the situation.
Post # 4
I most wholeheartedly agree. I think it’s hard not to judge people, and we’ll remember a time when we were with someone in a bad situation, and want to help the poster avoid something that so the automatic “Dump the jerk!” comes out. Heck, I am even feeling avoidant of my new therapist because she has been very judgemental of my SO, whom she has not met, and it is hurting rather than helping.
Post # 5
I just don’t see what good it does to call people names and try to make them feel bad.
If some girl is pressuring her boyfriend, maybe suggest things for her to do that she may find comforting during the waiting period instead of calling her names and making her feel worse. If someone posts a pic of a dress you don’t like, do you have to tell her I hate it, it looks horrible? Why do people feel the need to be hurtful?
Post # 6
OK – first of all, we ONLY KNOW what people tell us. So we are being ASKED to reply and offer advice based on the information given.
Second of all, why do people even bother to make posts like this? It’s the internet. Message boards are all the same. And there’s always a post every couple days or so where someone is SHOCKED and DISMAYED by how people are acting. This is how it is. Some people are warm and fuzzy, and some people aren’t. Some people want to call it like they see it, and some people want to sugar coat everything. Just like in real life. Take it or leave it.
Post # 7
I 100% agree with this – I have seen a lot of people that haven’t been particularly nice or helpful recently. It’s so disheartening. We should all be working together, helping each other out!
Post # 8
I agree. I always try to be helpfull especially if the person is posting about some serious problem.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Oh yeah. I can think of a few women where I’ve literally never seen them say ANYTHING nice or supportive – they only comment on posts where they can be snarky or self-righteous. Ugh.
But honestly, this place is way more supportive than anywhere else on the internet, so whatevs.
Post # 10
@beginningagain: yes, I have noticed it many times. Particularly in the waiting Boards. People who don’t really read the waiting boards see the post in the “latest posts” feed, swoop in, make a shallow, snappy comment, deliver their one-liner and disappear. They don’t give the situation the thought for consideration it deserves. That is not to say that the bee posting might not need some tough love or that everyone needs to agree with her… I have seen responses that completely told the bee she needed to leave or take stock of her life, but in a nice way.
It’s just the tone that I find rude.
Post # 11
@beginningagain: I notice these things as well… but it’s bound to happen on a free internet forum.
I try to offer constructive advice and generally keep the bitchiness to the minimum (sometimes I am soo tempted to be bitchy though lol).
Those posts where one paragraph gets many “dump him” replies need to be taken with a grain of salt. However… we all have been through different things, so if I see a post where I feel strongly about something (say the guy is bad with money) then yes, I will tell her to dump him. Different things are dealbreakers for different people.
I think that’s the beauty of the internet.. you will get a whole plethora of different opinions and responses. Some of them will apply, some won’t.
Post # 12
@GonnaBeAFind: wow, harsh. I don’t think everyone who has a cat automatically needs a few thousand for possible vet expenses.
I am, relationship wise, a believer in working things out, but I have on some threads said someone should leave
Post # 14
@lolot: I’ve seen that too
Post # 16
Example: I have a friend who is waiting for a proposal. She ia currently trying to quit smoking too. Sometimes she is a little over the top annoying but I still try to be supportive because I know what she is going through is hard