(Closed) Disappointment

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes I recall your posts as Ms B, where you say your SO collects antique firearms and musician?

Its sounds to me he makes these extravagent purchases quite often given these circumstances of his hours being possibly cut and things being tighter.

Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t know your full situation – but everytime you post nothing seems to be positive; he got upset and claimed you got jealous when you mentioned your friend got married, he thought you were losing interest in him when you didnt mention marriage (he brought it up with the “fear” he was losing you, and guess what now your back to mentioning marriage and he can relax that you’ll be sticking around for a bit longer!). Hes took you ring shopping for over a year and a half with no results, and now he has just bought a new pistol, knowing full well you would be expecting a ring, and saw your reaction – and still has done nothing positive about it (“maybe we can get you something just as nice?”)

By what you’ve told the boards, he sounds like he is using marriage as a way to string you along, and its not going to be what you will like to hear.

My rationale would be that he bought a pistol for himself when he KNEW he should have been saving for a ring. You say you were being passive agressive towards him after – but isn’t he being manipulative and selfish?

You know what my advice would be? Tell him to sell his precious guitar, firearms and all the things he has put over YOU. His reaction will be your answer whether he wants to sacrifice these things and put you first for a change, and give you the sign (finally, because at the moment he seems all talk no action) that he wants to marry you as much as you to him.

Good luck and best wishes that I finally read some positive signs from you! xxxx

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i remember before we became engaged my then Boyfriend or Best Friend spent over $1K on a toy for himself and how disappointed i was because i thought his priorities were misplaced.  after i made a few bitchy comments we talked about it and how hurt i was and how i felt he didnt put me/us as his priority.   in his head he thought as the ring was a done deal he didnt see him spending money on himself as not putting me/us as a priority, not knowing your posting history i would be very upset

Post # 6
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I’m truly sorry for your disappointment.  If I remember correctly, he has purchased several “hobby” items for himself recently, and again, if I remember correctly, the ring you had chosen was very modestly priced.  In fact, I think you said it was less than the pistol his father had given him the money to buy. 

If I were you, I wouldn’t be too upset with myself for being passive-aggressive with him.  You were completely justified.  You were hurt and disappointed, and him having you open the glove box was a jerky move. 

If he’s planning on extending the timeline, the least he can do is talk to you about it!!!!  From your previous posts, he seems to have the money to afford your ideal ring, so money/the ring aren’t really what’s stopping him from proposing.  You deserve to know what’s going through his head, and he should at least know how this is making you feel. 

 

Post # 7
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel ya. Totally. As in yesterday when my SO was talking to his brother and SIL at dinner and he was thinking about investing in a good friends new business when he gets it started. I didnt mean to get upset but I got disappointed because we have been discussing marriage and a ring in the very near future and I, too, thought he might have his priorities elsewhere. I know he didnt really see it that way but when I see him spend a large amount on something, I get kinda sad knowing if could have went towards my Engagement Ring.

Post # 8
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

You should tell him how you feel! Be honest! “From your actions, it seems like your hobby is more important then our relationship”

He had some extra cash, and he chose to spend it on himself. I would be hurt if SO bought a new gaming computer after telling me that it was only money that kept him from proposing. It would feel like lieing to me. If you had 1k to buy a computer, why not make me your wife? If the computer more importent then that?

 

::hug:: sometimes men are just stupid.

Post # 11
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would honestly have a frank conversation about money priorities (not that fancy jewelery should be the priority, but that saving in general, especially when hours are being cut back and it sounds like law school is in the future are going to be huge $$$ drains. I would not get engaged to someone without having that talk, actually. If my boyfriend were buying firearms instead of saving for law school, we would have had major issues and not gotten married if things did not change.

Post # 12
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Girl, I have been there! The expectation, the disappointment, the money dilemma… you are in good company.

This past Valentines Day, he told me he was 3 hours away from home for work, and would miss our Vday dinner… I come home, and see his car, but its not parked in its usual spot in our parking deck. So naturally, I’m thinking eNgAgEMenT! Why else would he surprise me on Valentines Day?

I walk into our apt, see a chair with a rose on it… and he’s nowhere to be found. My heart is in my throat… I open the door to our office… and he’s standing there… in his sweat pants… holding a box of chocolates… and that was it. 

After a quick frown, I try to rebound, but the damage was done. Vday 2011 was a subdued affair, to say the least. 

MY B.

So anyway, what I’m trying to say, many of us have made the same assumptions before. 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I feel you hun.

My SO keeps talking about how getting engaged to me is his number one priority, the most important thing to him. I know where my ring is and I know it’s only $200 to go and get it so for a long time, I really thought he already had it and the proposal would be any day. But, we were talking about our impending move a few weeks ago and he commented about how we would have more jewlers to go look at! I was devestated!

He didn’t realize until after our talk that getting engaged to me isn’t just a hurdle to jump before the wedding. In my mind engagement is a logical step in our relationship, a very important one. I want to have a two year minimum engagement so we can save for the wedding we want.

I just get so frusterated sometimes.

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