(Closed) FSIL

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i picked my bridal party mostly of girls i wanted to stand up there with me because of my relationship with me (most i have known all of my life, or adult life). the only person i didnt pick with that criteria was FH sister. because she will be my SIL. You didnt HAVE to pick your future SIL to be in your wedding, shes marrying into the family and technically isnt even married to your FBIL yet.

i see how it could hurt your feelings a bit since you would think it would be the same for her as it was foryou, buuuut you dont HAVE to be in someones wedding just because they were in yours, if that was so i would be like 27 dresses and have 19 people in my bridal party EEK! 🙂

i wouldnt sweat it, i doubt its a slight to you at all, she might have a set number of girls she wants and might have used different criteria for her selection.

no harm no foul. maybe she will ask you to do something else like a reading or something? if not, no worries, just enjoy the day.

Post # 5
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

ahhh i see how your feelings are hurt – especially if you have never been a BM before. but with a bridal party that small, i can also see where she is keeping it intimate. I am almost certain its not a slight on you, just her wanting to keep her party small. I would suggest if it bothers you to try and get to know her better. share stories about engagements, wedding frustrations, how you wish you could have gotten whatever caterer, and maybe she will see how yall get along and involve you in some other way?

Post # 6
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree completely with spaganya.  I can understand being hurt over this but it is most likely not personal.  Not everyone is comfortable with having a large bridal party, for all sorts of reasons–the ideas, roles, and symbolism of it are different for everyone.  Just be excited for her and be excited to have someone that is going through a lot of what you are right now!

Post # 7
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sure it’s not personal, especially if she is acting normally towards you and you have a good relationship. I was BM for a friend last year but didn’t ask her to be one for me, because there were people I felt closer to, who I’m *sure* will be in my life forever (like my sisters, and my cousin). I asked her to do a reading in the ceremony and while I’m sure her feelings were slightly hurt, she did a great job and we are still friends. It’s a hard decision but try not to be too upset over it or assume it’s a personal slight – you can build a great relationship in other ways 🙂

Post # 8
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sure it wasn’t out of spite.  Maybe she didn’t look at it the same way you did when you thought about having her in your wedding party.  Maybe she just didn’t think you’d be interested or she could have just assumed since y’all are super close you wouldn’t want to be in it anyway.  She could also just have wanted a super small wedding party.  Talk with her and let her know that you are excited to soon be SILs and that if she needs any help with the wedding to let you know because you want to be there for her.

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