(Closed) Flip-Flop

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If he expects you just plan everything then no dont write it down just do what it is you want…  flat out say, listen you didnt want anything to do with this and so this is what I chose to do.  Period end of story.  If you want to be involved in the rest of the process then lets make a decision and stick to it. 

Post # 4
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with ESEDS … If he is leaving you in charge of the planning then plan away girlie! You MAY change your mind on things, dont let it stress you at all though. Just move on and keep planning. When it comes to a guest list, that is a very key part of the planning so that should be the first thing you focus your attention on (other than the budget) Good luck, I hope he comes around and see’s where you are coming from!

Post # 5
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If he gave a reason for the changes I would think nothing of it.  I’d talk to him again (when he’s in a mood to do more than just shrug).  Explain that you want him to be happy with the wedding so you need his input.

A lot of times my Fiance is uninterested in details (such as Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses) so I just tell him “pretend you like this and listen to me talk about them.”  Sometimes he does just that and other times he states his opinion.

Since your Fiance stated his opinion about the matter, I would want to listen to it.  But, like you, I wouldn’t know if he wanted his first opinion or second opinion to be followed.  Try your best to make it clear that he needs to help plan the wedding too.

Post # 6
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

J did some of this when we started planning. (The one that had me tearing my hair out was when he said he definitely wanted a dinner reception, but plated dinner was way too formal so we couldn’t do that, and he could never ask his elderly relatives to stand in line for a buffet, so that wasn’t an option either – I was like, “You have to pick one or the other!”)

What I eventually came to realize was that he had never really thought about what he wanted in a wedding before, and while I’m not the girl who planned her wedding when she was twelve, I had at least considered some of the options. And I was the one spending time researching and on the message boards. So while I had processed through a lot of my ideas and opinions without him, he was literally processing through 100% of his wedding thoughts with me. Meaning I got to see every time his opinion changed or he had new thoughts.

I’d be wiling to bet that you’ve seen lots of stuff that appeals to you in your wedding research. And that it won’t all fit into the same wedding. Right? Eventually you need to make those decisions, and choose between conflicting ideas that you like (even when you LOVE both ideas). It’s the same for your guy – he too has visions of things he likes, and they sometimes contradict. That’s normal. His are just on a different scale than yours.

I would say keep the discussion open with him. Talk about pros and cons of different options, and once you start making real decisions (together), if he keeps wavering, just gently remind him of WHY you two made the decision you did.

Post # 7
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

Is it possible that he really just changed his mind? Look how many times us girls change our mind about wedding things, boys can do it too. Maybe he just had a different idea of what he wanted after having more time to think about it.

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