(Closed) Promiscuous

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is Promiscuity in the past, something you should worry about?
    No, they've grown up since then : (109 votes)
    74 %
    Yes, this should be a red flag : (24 votes)
    16 %
    Other, please explain! : (14 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5671 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about at all. People grow up and people change. Especially in regards to men if they have played the field before then at least they will never wonder what else is out there, but instead they have settled down because they have been around the block and know a good thing when they see it. I would judge someone on who they are now, not who they used to be.

    Post # 3
    Member
    229 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    What’s considered promiscuous? Honestly, I put no merit into my so’s previous ‘numbers’. I was pretty badass in the past but have learned from my mistakes and am now a very different person.

    The only worry I would have would relate to std’s as you already mentioned. But I think that’s something that everyone should be tested for regardless of how many previous partners they’ve had.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I kind of think that the past should stay in the past. He’s choosing you for a reason, and as long as those girls aren’t in his life anymore (or if they are…they’re clearly just friends or friendly), then I don’t think there should be anything you should worry about. My husband has more experience than I do, but that doesn’t make me love him any less. I do know about all of his past, and I’m fine w/ it. I think as long as you’re fine w/ it too, there isn’t too much to worry about.

    Post # 5
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Doesn’t really matter to me.  I dated a guy whose friends insisted he was in his 100s – the only issue I had was requiring him to submit to a STD test before I considered sex. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think I have more experience than my FI… but I have never asked his number, nor has he asked mine.  What’s the point?  It wouldn’t make a difference to me either way.

    What I think DOES matter is whether your FH has shown an inability to be faithful to past relationships.

    Post # 8
    Member
    229 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @bridget_124: Don’t worry about it! I have awful dreams like that at least once a month. Afterwards I always wake up and think about it the entire next day! It sounds like you’ve got a good man who has learned from his past and knows you’re the one for him!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think it’s something that will vary from individual to individual, so there isn’t really a right answer.  I would think that if it was a sign that the two of you were out of sync regarding your value systems or your beliefs about sex, then it could be a problem.  However those sorts of discrepancies can occur even between partners who have similar histories.  So in that case it’s not so much about past actions, but about whether a big discrepancy between two people’s past actions is a sign that they have different values in the present or not.  But that sort of question can be resolved with open communication about values, even if a play-by-play of each partner’s sexual history is not what either one wants to reveal.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I picked other because I didn’t like either of the options. I guess both FI and I could have been considered “promiscuous” in our pasts. But it is neither a red flag nor something we have “grown up” from. We were single at the time. I don’t think there is anything wrong with promiscuity while single. The fact that FI didn’t live like a monk until he met me isn’t a problem.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    COMPLETELY agree with Monitajb – you took the words right out of my mouth!

    Post # 12
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I think it can be a phase that we grow and learn from. We all have some sort of past and it helps shape us to be who we are today.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I dont think you should be concerned. I was quite wild in my single days and actully always strayed when in relationships. Now that I am ready to settle down I would never cheat on FH

    Post # 14
    Member
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    FI and I had a very frank talk about our past in the way way way beginning of our relationship. I think that set the pace for my comfort and security in our relationship.

    He definitely had a promiscuous phase, but I have my past as well. I think at different points in our lives we didn’t have the same view on sex&love (as most men and women differ). Regardless, the man I dated and fell in love with is someone so completely different from how he used to be, that it hasn’t mattered much in our lives. Obviously, I have had insecure moments or even just curious moments of asking questions, but it’s not even a question in my mind that it’s a complete NON-ISSUE.

    He wasn’t doing anything WRONG. He was out living his single life. Thank God he was smart, safe, and didn’t knock any girls up!! LOL 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    quite frankly i have quite a bit more knotches on my bedpost than FH, that being said, no i dont mind if he has been around the block a few times before he met me. all that matters now is that hes with me and will be faithful.

    the only way i would worry is if he was married before and cheated on an ex. that would give me pause, because often once a cheater, always a cheater (people do change, but rarely) but i wouldnt care if he was just single and playing the field.

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