(Closed) A 124% rsvp rate for a dw… say whaaaaaatttt??? nightmare seating chart

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
  • poll: How do you manage seating when close friends/famil are attending with famil/friends you havent met?

    Keep everyone together even if it means ppl you dont know sit at a close friends table

    Split them up but only if additional guests will be seated at a fun and appropriate table

    Split them up and don't worry about seats - they invited extra ppl to your wedding!

    Ask for their advice but prepare to be distressed when making seating charts

    Other - add your brilliant idea below :)

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

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    thenewmrsmax:  +1. OP, if these extra ppl are just random ppl who want to vacation w your guests, I don’t see why they need to attend your wedding at all. I would have gone this PP’s route instead of extending an invite. I would’ve said of course anybody you choose can vacation with you and while you’re at the wedding, they might enjoy doing one of these activities: _____

    we have guests bringing someone else (I think a grandparent) to watch the guests’ children while they attend the wedding. We invited the children, but the parents want an adult night. None of them have asked for the extra child attendant to attend our wedding reception. 

    But it sounds like you already told them that the extra ppl could attend your reception so you might be stuck now. 

    For those who haven’t rsvpd, have you contacted them to follow up?

    Post # 17
    Member
    6608 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I believe the OP said she gave everyone a +1 so these are not random bandwagon jumpers. They’re guests she has allowed her other guests to bring. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee

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    mrs_loml:  Like PPs I would say your welcome to bring these ppl however, we cannot accommodate them. When the time comes, I will be having a destination wedding as well, and for dw the marginal costs are sometimes high especially where the hotel is where you are hosting the reception. Unless money is no object and you dont mind having these ppl here I would say no go, sorry!

    Post # 19
    Member
    2056 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

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    Horseradish:  I took it as the guests had a +1…  And then also decided to RSVP for other people.  So an invite for a couple became an invite for a couple and their parents.  Maybe we need some clarification?

    OP, I don’t think it’s necessary to accomodate them, unless you already told them they would be welcome.  In that case, I would try to keep them together- I think it would be weird if these “extra guests” were all sitting at a table.

    Post # 20
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Honestly, I would give them a list of alternative things to do while the invited guests attend the wedding- or, why do you even need a seating chart– if you are having a pre-wedding dinner/get together, they may want to sit with new “friends”– leave it open seating, let them worry about where they sit.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it is incredibly rude to assume my inlaws would be coming to the wedding fesitivities if they decided to come along for the vacation!! You need to tell the people who rsvp’d for more than their own plus one:

    “HI Friend, We are so thrilled you are making the trip to Destination for our wedding. We noticed that you RSVP’d for an extra two people- we just wanted to clarify that the invitation for the wedding is only for you and Plus one, due to space restrictions. Here is a list of things the other people on your vacation can check out that day”

    Post # 22
    Member
    987 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

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    mrs_loml:  Wait, so you are letting people invite people other than plus 1’s to your wedding? That is very nice of you but I don’t think you have to do it. It sounds like the precendent has already been set and you might not be able to take it back but I just thought I would say it. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Also, I’m not surprised that you have 12 ppl who still haven’t rsvpd for a July 7 wedding even though it is destination.  We’re having a domestic destination wedding the week after your wedding and we have just under 20 ppl who haven’t rsvpd.  I’m guessing some of them will take the month of May to decide if they’re coming or not.  It isn’t really late.  We’re giving extra time to rsvp to any of our guests who say they need it and we aren’t giving them any attitude or a hard time b/c we understand that we set an early rsvp deadline and sometimes work, childcare, and budget require a bit more time to work things out.  

    Do you actually need to know before a month out?  For us, we’ll definitley know from everyone by a month in advance when we need to make our final payment. (with the exception of a couple who might need to make a last minute decision due to a pregnancy).

    Post # 24
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    kl1987:  I feel like despite it being a destination wedding, they shouldn’t be bringing extra people to the actual wedding. If my Dad was invited to a destination wedding of people I didn’t know and watned to bring along me and my Fiance for a family vacation we wou ld gladly go but would SKIP the wedding and find our own things to do that day.

    I’m just really surprised to see people say it’s okay for guests to bring people you don’t know. UNless they are children who can’t be left alone, there is no reason vacation guests who aren’t invited to the wedding can’t find something else to do that day.

    Just my opinion, I’ve just never heard of this before.

    Post # 25
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    If you are deadset on allowing the extra guests then I would call up those with extras and ask them if it is important they sit with the extra guests, if the guests know anyone else at the wedding, or if they should be fine sitting away from them (in the case of bringing a younger relative the option to spread them away from the guest they came with is not an option). 

    I would generate “extra” tables as some people have “singles” tables.

    Also, there is always the chance to that a good chunk of them won’t be able to actually make it. When it comes down to dropping cash they may not be able to bring their extras or even themselves.

    I do agree with PPs when they recomment providing the “extras” with a list of activities instead of coming to the wedding if there is no space. They should understand that it isn’t a free for all.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    oh & I forgot to say that doing seating however you like makes sense after I read that the ppl coming seem to be sometimes different ages and social groups from the invited guest.  do seating however you think it’d work out best for your guests and ppl being social.

    so I’d change my vote from keep ppl together to split them up if it makes ppl at appropriate & fun tables.

    Post # 28
    Member
    4835 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

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    mrs_loml:  I would just treat it like a normal seating plan, regardless of who was actually invited and who was an add on.  Basically, you seat people at a table that you think they’ll enjoy. This often means splitting up people of different generations (for example, teenage children usually sit with other teenagers, not with their parents). 

    I’m not sure how that relates to your poll, but that’s what I would do.

    Post # 29
    Member
    970 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

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    mrs_loml:  If people were already given a plus one I think its rude for them to just bring along whoever else they want! I don’t see an issue with extra people joining in on the vacation part but that doesn’t mean they get to go to your wedding if they weren’t invited!

    They can find something else to do, you don’t need to fork out extra money for people you don’t know! I think you also run the risk of changing the vibe of your wedding by having a bunch of strangers there.. One thing I’m really excited for on our wedding day is being surrounded by family and friends who are very near and dear to us.. I wouldn’t want to be looking around and seeing a bunch of people I don’t know!

    Post # 30
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    mrs_loml:  By wishing paper lanterns do you mean the ones like in the movie Tangled that you set off in the air? If so please do not do those. On lunabazaar.com (where i am ordering my regular paper lanterns from) they have a whole section where they explain how these lanterns can come back down and cause huge fires and are bad for the environment and illegal in some countries/states. Just my input.

    The topic ‘A 124% rsvp rate for a dw… say whaaaaaatttt??? nightmare seating chart’ is closed to new replies.

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