(Closed) A and B lists

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Please don’t do A and B lists for your wedding invites. It is rude.

Since your wedding will be a destination wedding (of sorts) you can send your save the dates up to a year in advance. If you are getting married in October, I wouldn’t send the invites until April at the earliest. 

All people who receive a save the date should also receive a wedding invitation.

Post # 5
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@hilarycole:  I’ve seen the A&B List method fail time and time again, simply because you aren’t in control of the number of guests that attend….A List invitees could change their mind, get a last minute wild hair and show up because invitations do not have expiration dates, not to mention B Listers might find out somehow that they didn’t make the original cut resulting in hurt feelings and cast you and your event in a bad light.

My best advice is to invite the people you can afford to host and want to share the day with and spare yourself the agony and stress of two separate lists that could result in astronomical costs outside of your budget.

Post # 6
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@hilarycole:  Is your wedding date Oct 2014?  If so I think sending the invite out a almost a year early might be a little too much, although I think it’s very considerate of you to consider your guests travel plans!  What about sending out the STD with a link to a wedding website discussing travel options.  You could encourage people to book early on your website.  If you really want to send the invite out that early though that’s fine, but I definitely wouldn’t request the RSVP back in Feb.  That would be 8 months ahead of the wedding date, that’s hard to guarantee attendance so far before the date.  Usually those RSVP dates are what, 2-3 weeks before the wedding?  I think asking for an earlier RSVP than that in light of the number of international guests attending would be reasonable, maybe 5-6 weeks ahead of the date?

We didn’t do A and B lists mostly because we didn’t want to stress about people finding out which list they’re on.  We did decide to allow plus ones only for engaged and married couples and would give extra plus ones if we had space.  But our guest list has since exploded beyond our intended number so that won’t be happening :-/ haha sigh.

Post # 7
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@hilarycole:  I agree that requiring such an early RSVP could be difficult. I would send a save the date this fall, and then ask for RSVPs to be due 4-6 weeks out from the wedding.

I’m guessing you want to do two lists because you don’t know how many people will come, especially internationally. This isn’t really A & B lists, but could you send all of the international (or even just those that have to travel at all) invites two or three weeks earlier than the local invites? That might give you a better idea of how much space you’ll have, and if you separate them like that it will feel a lot less like some people got “leftover” seats/you just want gifts. You could even use two separate RSVP dates (so send out the international invitations 3 months out with an RSVP date 2 months out, then send the local invites 2 months out with an RSVP date 6 weeks out or something).

My friends did this for their wedding because space was really tight and it worked well for them. I also read somewhere that you should send out 1 new invite for every TWO declines, to account for people changing their minds. (I’m not sure that made sense; I can clarify if it didn’t!) Hope that helps!

Post # 8
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bellaluna290:  This.

Do not do B lists. Invite who you can afford and leave it at that. B list guests will know they were the second choice. Just don’t.

And yes, invites should not go out until 8 weeks before.


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