- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
What exactly are you looking for here?
A baby didn’t change everything here…or maybe the changes were for the better so it doesnt seem like much?
Darling Husband and I are pretty much the same…we just have Dirty Delete to share our life with now.
Sure, we have to work a little harder for “us” time…but really, the change of having a baby was not a huge shock to our household like everyone told us it would be. We both fell into parenting quite easily.
Everyone (friends, family, coworkers, strangers) keep saying “a baby changes everything”.
What the heck does that mean? What changes? I still expect to be the same person, a little busier and a little more sleep-deprived. I expect Darling Husband to be the same person, although a bit busier and a little more sleep-deprived. So how does a baby change things?
I expect that we will be focused on LO and have less time with just the two of us (which is kind of a well, duh, a new person is living with you kind of thing). I expect that logistics will be slightly more complicated, since a third person will be added to the everyday routine.
But none of those things seem to fit the bill of the dramatic cliche everyone keeps throwing at us, that “a baby changes everything!”
@apex: A lot of people throw that out there to “scare” younger couples it seems. Many people have childern without really considering the changes that will occur so it’s a shock to them how much their life changes..i guess?
I mean, yes, lots of things to change. A baby can truly test how patient a couple is. How they communicate. How they deal with stressful situations. How they support one another.
A baby changes what you do with your spare time, how much sex you have, when you see your friends.
A baby changes what you do with your money, your income (in some cases)/
And a baby can really change who you are as a person. It can change your perspective on the world. I’ve changed a lot since I had my Dirty Delete, but I am still the same person at my core that my Darling Husband fell in love with.
So yes, a baby has the potential to change a lot of things, but in my experience at least, it’s not as dramatic as people make it out to be.
I think it really depends on your personality, your DH’s personality, and how you both react to changes.
Well for us a baby actually did change almost everything, but not in a bad way. We had less money, more at stake (we felt), I grew up a lot, we both grew as people, we grew as a couple. I felt much more vulnerable but at the same time like I could handle a lot more. I went through postpartum depression and that changed many things for awhile. My relationship with my parents underwent major change. We moved based on better doctors and schools for our daughter. Yup, a lot changed. None of it was bad but having a baby pretty much shifted our entire focus onto providing the best life for our children.
You also quickly figure out which friends are for life and which were the people who just wanted to hang out when you could party and go out any time.
I’d actually say that “everything” has changed for my friends with kids. Yes, they’re still the same people but almost every aspect of their lives have changed since becoming parents. I’d even go as far as to say that some of them have completely lost their identities since venturing into mommy land. I’m sure they wouldn’t change it for the world but there’s no denying that their worlds are vastly different now than they were before they reproduced.
@UpstateCait: I’d even go as far as to say that some of them have completely lost their identities since venturing into mommy land.
What do you mean by losing their identity? This kind of bugs me. I hear people say all the time that being parents makes you lose who you are, but I just don’t understand that.
For me, it’s only added on to who I am…
When someone says that I have to completely agree with them. THAT DOESN’T MEAN IN A BAD WAY though! But now you have a whole other life to take care of. To feed, to change, to clean, ect. Money changes. Date nights out change. Vacations change. Sex changes. Sleep changes. Possible even friends change.
I don’t mean any of that in a bad way though. For example: When I said sex changes that just means you have to change your routine. It can’t be anytime you want it but you can def still have it. 🙂
I don’t have a baby. But I do want a baby. Just because things change doesn’t mean I am going to run away from parenthood! Not for some time but still. 🙂
@urchin: All she is is “Mom”. She’s a Stay-At-Home Mom but she almost never leaves the house. She hasn’t hung out with friends in almost a year. The only people besides her husband and children that she ever sees are her parents and that’s only because they have a standing date with them every weekend. I know that she loves her life now, which is all that matters, but as an outsider looking in, I see very little of the girl who was one of my best friends for so many years. Don’t get me wrong, she’s still one of my best friends but she’s just different now. I don’t know, I guess it’s hard to explain.
@UpstateCait: I’m sure from the outside it seems that way. I know for a lot of women, becoming a mom does change who they are. They’re still the same person and have the same interests, but their priorities change so much as their child becomes #1.
It’s a lot harder to do the activities that others used to associate with what made them “unique” I guess.
In your friends’ case though, it does seem that maybe she needs to take a little more time away from the kiddos. It’s very easy to get totally wrapped up in being mom and only mom.
@urchin – I do feel like it’s a scare tactic, it mostly comes out in the conversation of “so when are you two having kids?” Which we answer as “eh, someday” No one knows we’re actively trying and no one feels as though we’re ill-prepared for parenthood. I just don’t understand the purpose of the comment and what they’re talking about but I’d like to know what I’m in for!
I don’t think it’s a scare tactic, I think it’s true. We’ve got a four month old and yes, he changed everything. Not in a bad way, though. Our lives are, for the most part, totally different than they used to be. We can no longer do whatever we want, whenever we want. Sex is a distant memory. We no longer go on impromptu “adventures.” Everything is meticulously planned. Of course, I wouldn’t change it for anything. My husband is an outstanding father and watching him with our son makes me love him 100 times more than before. Watching this person we made grow and change has brought us closer together than I ever thought we could be.
But yes, our lives have irrevocably changed. And that’s totally ok with me.
A baby does change a person, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. Having my son has changed me personally for the better. I am still the same woman I was before him but he has opened my eyes up to so much more.
I feel like I have grown as a person. As a PP said, he is, along with my Darling Husband #1 priority in my life. Currently I am mending with a broken ankle so a lot of the responsiblity of caring for my son is put on Darling Husband. For example the first few days out of the hospital I was needing help on doing all kinds of things and if our son cried or was fussing, I would make sure Darling Husband took care of him before helping me out even though I was in pain….
I’m sure it does change everything – how can it not? – but I’m not scared of that (not that I’m TTC, just saying).
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