(Closed) A Baby?

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010


If you want to do it this summer–the whole wedding, I mean, not the courthouse–it can be done.  Don’t let the wedding industry tell you you need a year.

I’m trying to plan a wedding in 6 months and while a lot of places are booked, I still have too may choices!

Best wishes, congratulations, and hang in there. 😉

Post # 18
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Congratulations! That’s so exciting. 🙂

I agree with the other posters that you definitely have options when it comes to school. Graduate students have access to leaves of absence, and schools are indeed obligated to oblige federal regulations about time off for pregnancy and childbirth.

You might also have the option to defer for a year without having to reapply. From my experience, most graduate programs are willing to accomodate 1-year defferals.

Just listen to your heart. I’m not pregnant just yet, but I have recently been going through the process of figuring where academia fits into my life. Getting married and having your first baby are one-in-a-lifetime experiences, so it might be worth thinking about whether taking a bit of time off to enjoy it all might be something to consider. Then again, if your program has a good infrastructure in place for families it would definitely make fitting grad school into your life a lot easier. I guess my point is that you can totally make school work with a new baby, but that it’s also totally okay to want to take some time off. It just depends what your heart tells you. 🙂

Good luck! You’ll have to let us know what you decide.

Post # 20
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I just checked my university’s requirements for our Child Care Center. They take as young as 6 weeks! Now, that’s a bit young for ME to leave a baby with a stranger but if you have to you have to.

Post # 21
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

First off, congratulations! It sounds like you have a TON of amazing and wonderful experiences ahead of you, so that’s a good place to start. I would caution you to take a few weeks and relax before committing to any big plans. Pregnancy makes physical changes to women’s brains (some groups of brain cells die off forever, and are replaced by entirely different ones which is just about the coolest process ever) so your thoughts on what you want in terms of the wedding/school/work may change during the course of your pregnancy. Also, I don’t want too be negative but it sounds like you are very early in your pregnancy, and sometimes things do go wrong. It would be very sad for you to make all kinds of changes now and then find out you’re not going to have a baby after all. Just wait a bit and see how things go with the pregnancy, then take some time to consider what you want to do. I hope you are able to get everything you dreamed of, and a healthy baby too! Best wishes!

Post # 22
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I really don’t have a long reply, but one thing to think about it terms of care of your young child…most colleges have daycare type programs on campus for students, faculty and staff. More times than not, they’re great programs run by the Child Development department and reduced price. Ask about that asap and get your baby on the waiting list. I attended the University of Alabama CDC until I was 3 while my mother was in Engineering School there and it was great. My aunt was actually a teacher there for a short time and "taught" me. Anyway, just something to think about. Good Luck!

Post # 23
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I just wanted to say Congratulations! I know in your timeline it’s not what you planned but a baby is such a blessing. ((((Hugs)))) to you rnc.

Post # 24
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

All I have to say is CONGRATULATIONS on everything. This really is an exciting and complicated part of your life but I think you’ll look back on this time very fondly. It’ll just take some figuring out.


Post # 25
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Congratulations on expecting a baby with the love of your life, your fiance!! Even though this was not planned once the baby comes you won’t be able to imagine your life without him/her.  It will all work out in the end.  Just take it one step at a time and everything will fall into place.  Don’t stress over things like breastfeeding just yet! You have time!  Best of luck with everything.

Post # 26
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009


My sister went through something very similar.  She found out she was pregnant (a surprise) and she was sooo worried about having a baby before she was married even though she was in a committed relationship and had graduated from college and had a teaching job already lined up!

Let me just say that everything has worked out great for her.  She has a beautiful, beautiful baby girl who is just the cutest mix of Mexican and Philipino!  She has bought a house and will be starting grad school soon!  Sure, she’s had challenges but the good really does outweigh the bad.

I would personally advise you not to rush into the wedding especially if it means doing the whole courthouse thing.  It doesn’t sound like that’s what you want at all.  Have the wedding that you want.  And, having your baby before doesn’t make you any less of a mother or committed partner.

By the way, I had a PhD student in one of masters degree courses and she had her baby right in the middle of the semester!  The professor was very accommodating and understanding of her situation.  I expect that you might find the same thing in your grad program.

So go on with your plans!  You are going to be a strong, educated, happily married mother! 

Post # 27
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Hey, I don’t have a lot of practical advice for you, but I just wanted to say that we are going through this almost exact same thing right now (due November 28!) and it is OKAY to feel ambivalent right now. We got the positive pregnancy test one day and the rejection letter from my husband’s potential grad school the next day — it was super stressful. But this is why babies take 9 months to gestate — you have time to soak it in, figure it out, and maybe somewhere along the way get excited about the awesome new dynamic your family is going to have.


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