(Closed) A Bachelor Party issue (probably not what you’re expecting…) HELP?!

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In my opinion, bachelor parties are guys only. Period. She is definitely overstepping boundaries here, ever if they didn’t have a romantic past!

I think you should speak to your Fiance about it. I don’t think you’d be coming off as bossy at all. I mean, don’t freak out at him. Just say “Hey, Groomsman told me about this e-mail he got from X. What do you think about it?”

Post # 4
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Its alittle odd I would say, but some girls have a strong need to be “one of the guys”. Why not talk to one of his brothers, or his good friend and get them to plan something without her knowing. And get them to let your Fiance know in advance, or plan something on the same day as hers, so they have an excuse.

You going to marry your Fiance, so you should be able to talk about anything. I would bring it up to him, and tell him what your feeling and do it in a cool and collective way.

Post # 5
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think she has some more things brewing in the feelings department for your Fiance. Personally I have never heard of such a thing!

Maybe its harmless, perhaps you can talk to her about it?

Post # 6
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would leave gender out of the conversation. The best man (or the groomsmen as a whole) should be organizing the bachelor party. She is neither. Whether or not she’s invited should be up to the best man/groomsmen. Maybe she’s doing this because she thinks the best man/groomsmen are dropping the ball? I think it is best to have the best man/groomsmen tell her that they’ve already got plans, but thanks for the thought.

Post # 7
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My DH’s sister stopped by his bachelor party (it was totally tame) and that didn’t seem weird to me. You did say she had that kind of relationship with him.

That said, I do think you’re handling it exactly right. Don’t side step talking to him about it for too long if it doesn’t show signs of getting better though, no reason for you to feel uncomfortable.

Post # 10
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Agree with PPs.  This isn’t necessary and she’s overstepping her boundaries.  No one would want her there.  Let him handle it!

Post # 11
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

well I have a man of honor and he is planning my bridal shower and bachelorette together with one of my bridesmaids, is that strange to you? 

I understand that you want his brothers to plan it since they were looking forward to it, but I don’t really get why her gender is an issue

Post # 12
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think that was she is doing is crossing a line. I would not be comfortable with it and I would just talk to him about it. I’m sure if it were the other way around, you would want him to let you know if something like that bothered him.

I’m sure you don’t want to come off as insecure or like you are feeling threatened, but maybe you should talk to him about this. I think it is inappropriate for her to try to have anything to do with his bach party even if they are BFF’s. It’s just not her place.

Out of curiosity, what was she planning? lol

Post # 14
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If I were you, I’d be upfront with your Fiance about this. Let him know that one of the guys had contacted you and told you this girl was trying to plan his bachelor party and inviting herself to it, and that you are not comfortable with it. Then, if he agrees with you that it’s weird, he can handle telling her, “Thanks, but no thanks – the guys have got this, and we’ll enjoy celebrating with you on the day of the wedding.”

Things like this should NOT be off-limits for a rational discussion with your Fiance. I think sometimes as women, we get told that we’re being controlling for expressing negative feelings about things like this, when really, it’s perfectly acceptable to let your SO know if something like this makes you uncomfortable.

Pay attention to the experience of the many, many bees on here who have said, “I didn’t want to tell him what to do, but now I’m so uncomfortable/upset with what happened at his bachelor party…” Be upfront, and tell him if some behavior or aspect of the bachelor party is going to make you uncomfortable.

Post # 16
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anonybeelalala:  yikes! (esp that last comment). awkward. she clearly doesn’t know anything about boundaries. that’s great that they’re friends, and you are accepting of their relationship, but she needs to back off! bachelor parties are for bachelors, not married women.

i hope you can get everything straightened out! good luck!

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