(Closed) a big, jumbled mess of a rant (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow. That would be way too many challenges for me to handle. My only advice is to focus more on taking care of yourself and I am sending virtual hugs!

Post # 5
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh honey,

I’m so sorry your going through this, but if it makes you feel any better, everyone goes through this at one point or another….really.

So first of all, you are entitled to feel any way you like about all of this, the business, money and stress and the wedding and the hyphen, all of those things are totally valid reasons to be upset and need to be addressed, sooner or later, what it really comes down to is two single entities, learning to come together as one unit, and you’ll both learn how to do that, give it time….

Fighting about little things and generally wishing you could smush his face just because of the way he eats cereal…welcome to a long term relationship.

I love Mr. 99, adore and love him…that doesn’t mean I like, agree or even want to be around him all the time….and when that combative urge starts boiling up in me….and it’s pretty typical around the holidays for us, I  excuse myself for a while.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that is NO LIE!  I’m not telling you to leave, just back away, get some space, go Christmas shopping, have a red velvet pancake breakfast with the girls, go get a peppermint facial, and watch the kids tell Santa what they want for Christmas….are your problems real? Yes!  Do you need to face them together?  Sure!  Does it have to happen right now?  NO! 

Take a break, have some fun and look at your man with soft eyes, for all the bad, there’s still a lot of good in there, and he’s still the man that wants you and you alone, cut yourselves some slack and give yourselves a chance to relax, in whatever form it takes.

Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

One thing at a time.  Slow down, take a breath, buy yourself a new bottle of nail polish, whatever it takes.

Now.  Pick something easy (or at least small).  Maybe start with the name thing?  Talk it out.  Why did he change his mind?  Is it because it’s a pain in the arse?  (It is – my coworker’s husband is doing it and it’s going to take almost a year and cost almost $500).  Is he weirdly attached to his name?  Is it a guy pride thing? 

Then – another day or week, pick something else.  Make a budget.  Write down how much you each make, how much you spend on everything so it’s all laid out.  Might help you plan to save more, too!  Then you can start talking about how while you don’t want to punish him for taking a chance and doing what he wants to do, you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with responsibility being the “breadwinner” here and could use some help in other ares (like keeping track of the budget and bills!).

Save the discussion about how he treats you vs his partner for a nice calm evening.  I’m sure he doesn’t realize what he’s doing at all, and calmly explaining that you need to feel like you have some more say in the direction your lives take will eventually sink in.  He might think that you’ll be number 1 life partner… after the wedding. 

Good luck!

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