- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I was thinking about going undercover for this and then decided not to…partially because I’m lazy, partially because I don’t see the point.
I’m a bit of a mess, and questionning just about everything right now. My relationship with Fiance has been anything but traditional. We met while I was dating someone else, and started going out shortly after it was over (the ex had serious anger issues and scared me so it took a while longer than it should have for me to leave… but that is neither here nor there). 3 months into dating, we decided to buy a house together.. and moved in just 2-3 months after that for Christmas 2010.
We’ve been living together ever since and, like any couple, have had our share of ups and downs. Lately I’ve been seriously rethinking all of it.
When we first moved in he was working as a chef at a retirement home (where we met because I was working in another department). In March after we moved in together (March 2011) he decided to quit and get into landscaping. I was okay with this because it meant that he’d be home for supper during the summer months. Fantastic.The following winter was hard because he was doing snow removal and I was alone alot, but he was getting paid and we were working through it (2011-2012 winter).
Over this past summer he decided that he and a friend would start a snow removal business, and this is where our problems started.
We got engaged last Feb, so naturally financial burden and what not coming up, and I just graduated last spring. I got a job in June for a one year contract that ends just after the wedding (cue the “omg what if i don’t get a job” stress).
I’m upset he didn’t talk to me about the business starting, but rather informed me that they had decided. Because of this, I’ve been carrying all the financial crap for the last couple of months and even have to get a second job (he can’t because now that he has his own business he is on call 24/7 but not gettin paid yet… ugg.)
We’ve been fighting about little stupid things ever since, on and off, mainly me not feeling like an equal (I mean I carry all the financial weight and a lot of stuff at home, but don’t feel I’m treated as an equal like his business partner is, and I think that’s something I deserve).
Anyways long story short I find myself asking all kinds of what-ifs and questioning our relationship, and I have no idea if it is because I am stressed out of my mind, tired, or if I’m really not sure. I want to make it work, we’re 5 months from the wedding, he is trying hard and it is an adjustment period for both of us… I’m just.. I donno what to do to NOT be so bitter/frustrated/stressed.
PLUS there’s the whole him going back on certain promises (that we could move to the area of town I liked, that he’d also hyphenate, etc.. etc…) just little things making me go bonkers.
ETA: I’m not questioning if I should marry him, I think I’m more questioning how to get hard this difficult transition… because I’m having a really hard time with a lot of changes