- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I think that I’ve finally realized that for the past 7 years I’ve been avoiding the issue at hand. It all happened when I was 16 on February 3rd. I lost my grandfather, my pen pal and best friend. I guess looking in from the outside I looked rather sad but generally fine. But inside I was breaking. I avoided all conservations of him, his funeral, and generally just anything that would remind me of him.
Today was a normal day. Go to work, come home, play with the puppy, make dinner and sit down to watch a random movie on tv (always bad to watch a lifetime sappy movie….). But today was the day that it finally hit me. I’ve been bottling up all of these emotions because today I realized that my grandfather won’t be there to see me get married. That he won’t ever get to meet my fiance (who I started dating only 1 month prior to his passing).
Today was the day that I realized that I’ve been putting off all wedding planning because I just didn’t want to face it. That I’ve been eating through my emotions for the past 7 years.
I really didn’t mean to make such a downer of post or a post at all. But I think I had to write it all out to truly be at peace with it all. Sure I’ll probably still cry close to the wedding knowing he won’t be there but perhaps he’ll keep the weather calm and beautiful.
Today was a good day. It’s a day of realization and understanding.