Thank you for all your replies, and I’m afraid you all express what was in the back of mind for a while now.
Regarding the living expenses: Long story short, before we lived together I lived with my parents and he lived with his. One night I got in a serious argument with my father and decided to leave. I was planning to stay in a hotel until I find an apartment but my then bf suggested that I go and stay in an apartment his parents owned, because the last tenants had moved out two weeks earlier and it was available. I agreed and he offered to stay with me for a few days until I can be more comfortable with the new house. The few days became months and we ended up living together in this apartment. There was no planning or conversations, it just happened. On papers, I still live in my parents’ house, and he still lives in his. So if he decides to get married, he will have to inherit the apartment, and the various expenses that go with it (plus the bills we already pay). I felt like he wanted to tell me that the extra expenses would be my “punishment” for wanting to get married, and since I am the one who wants that, I should be able to pay them too.
When I asked him when he’s planning to move forward he told me that if I really wanted that, then fine, he would marry me the next day. As if he was doing me a favor against his will. I told him that if he doesn’t want to be married then he should never have asked me to get engaged and that I never pushed him or even mentioned anything about marriage before that. Also asked him if he felt pressured to do it because we were living together, and he said that no, he really wanted it and nobody pressured him.
He generally talks about us having children one day and growing old together, but marriage is never mentioned. As if he feels uncomfortable talking about the whole thing. On another conversation we had, I asked him what would happen if one day we had an unexpected pregnancy. He replied that would marry me immediately, and I replied that my dream is not to find a man that would only marry me if a pregnancy forced him to do so.
I took off my ring a few months ago, just wearing it made me feel bad. He told me it hurt him and that I don’t want to wear it because I want to find someone else, and that I don’t want people to know we’re engaged. He wears his all the time.
Honestly, he treats me well, he stayed awake for several nights to look after me when I was sick, he helps me with all the house chores (vaccum, mopping, dishes, laundry etc) and he really tries to keep me happy in our everyday life. But when it comes to the serious stuff, marriage, planning the future, starting a family, it’s like he becomes a different person. He seems really proud that he’s engaged to me but in his mind, the meaning of engagement is distorted, and I honestly don’t know how he got to that conclusion.
I don’t know if something made him change his mind the last years. His parents have the perfect wedding, but an issue with his brother and his wife could be a possible explanation (she got pregnant and he married her though he didn’t want to). This happened 1-2 months before we were engaged. We can’t let other people’s choices effect our lives though, it’s just stupid.
This whole thing just doesn’t make sense to me.