(Closed) A bit disappointed

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kandykane1:  How old are you two?  One year really isn’t that long.  You’re still getting to know each other at that point, imo.  I know it’s hard not to be disappointed, but just try to enjoy your relationship and focus on your love for one another.

Post # 4
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

A year ago, a year seemed long to me. I had never been in a LTR before. Now, 2 years in, I’m ok with waiting another year, although I hope it’s closer to 6 months. It sounds like you don’t have the assurance that it’s going to happen eventually though, and that is a tough place to be

Post # 7
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@kandykane1:  Communication is key.  Just talk to him about it – say that he seems freaked out lately about marriage but you’d like some assurance that he does see himself marrying you.  Try to get a timeline.  I mean, if you can’t talk to him about the single biggest event of your lives, then how will you talk about issues as a married couple?  Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@kandykane1:  I’m 25 and my BF is 40, so we have that in common 🙂 Listen, don’t feel like you don’t have the “right” to feel upset just because you havent been waiting as long as others. Your feelings are yours and they are every bit as valid as any other Bee here 🙂 That all being said, a year is not super long, but I can understand why you want to see more of a verbal committment. Is there any way he would be open to setting a timeline with you?

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee

@kandykane1:  I have been with my SO for almost 10 years. I am 35 and he is 47.  I am at witts end and about to ask him to move out of OUR house. LOL I have been “waiting” for 10 years.  I know, so crazy right?  He is a TOTAL PROCRASTINATOR about everything. Not just marriage. We broke up a couple times in the 10 years and I got a taste of what else is out there and it for sure wasn’t for me. haha.  I picked out my ring in October…we both went to the jewelers to pay for it (in May), yes, you do that math! it took him 7 months to get back there with me. He picked it up 2 weeks ago and it will prob take 7 months for him to propose. Sadly, I am not waiting.  I haven’t slept as his procrastination is driving me mad and I am actually starting to second guess my answer when he does propose.  You have EVERY RIGHT to be upset. EVERY RIGHT to ask when, why, where, etc.  Doesn’t matter how long you have been with the person. what matters is how you mutually feel. 

Post # 11
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

*Hugs* I’m sorry you were disappointed for your first anniversary. I noticed that you don’t want to be the one to bring it up but I don’t see an explanation anywhere for your hesitance to broach the topic. Bringing it up and initiating the conversation is not nagging! Maybe you can start with “It’s been a while since we’ve talked about our future in concrete terms and I wanted you to know how excited I am that we just celebrated our first anniversary. I can’t help but think about what awesome things the future holds! We haven’t talked about marriage in a while but I wanted you to know that I feel more confident than ever about us getting married. And I wanted to know how you feel about it at this point.” That should at least get the conversation started. And from there, you can ask him what his fears are without having to speculate and guess at what they might be.

 

Do you think you’d be up for starting the conversation? My other piece of advice would be to focus heavily on how YOU feel (not how you think he feel) about your relationship and then ask him how he feels.

Post # 12
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kandykane1:  It sounds like you two just need to talk to each other and figure out if you’re on the same page.  Maybe he’s getting so freaked out about marriage talks because he feels rushed by you.  Try to talk to him not in a “I need to know when” (because it doesn’t sound like he knows at this point) but just to see if marrying you is something he sees himself doing in the future.

As far as getting a timeline, some guys just aren’t into that.  He might genuinely want to surprise you, and see a timeline as ruining the surprise.  I don’t think a whole “timeline for waiting” is something most guys are familiar with.  Hell, I had never even heard of it before finding the waiting board!  So try not to get upset if he’s not down for that type of discussion.  But you do deserve to know where you both stand.

Post # 13
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Give him time! When SO & I were together a year, marriage was not something he was thinking about at that time. Now we are coming up on 2 years, and he seems to bring up our future more than I do now! 

Hang in there.

Post # 15
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@kandykane1:  I understand that it can be intimidating to talk about things again on a serious note. Is there a way of just telling him that he’s the guy you want to spend your life with, without putting the pressure on a proposal? Let him know upfront that you’re not looking for a timeline or to pressure him, but you want reasurance of where your relationship is going.

I think one year isn’t that long, but I do think it’s long enough to figure out where you stand when it comes to your relationship. Next month is 6 years with my SO. We started dating when we were 20, and after 1 year, we knew that we would marry. 5 years later, we’re still not engaged. Having talks about the future don’t necessarily have to pressure the guy to propose.

Post # 16
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I totally get it.  On the one year anniversary of the day we met, we’d already been married for a month.  I don’t like to wait around when I know what I want.

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