(Closed) A bit of a conundrum

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think, given her new and somewhat unexpected work schedule, she would not at all be offended if you told her you were going to spread out some of the duties. She may even be relieved! She may be worried about the same thing, thinking she is going to let you down if she can’t get everything done herself. That’s what I would be thinking in her situation at least. I think it’s perfectly fine to spread some of the work around. Why don’t you just talk to her and see how she feels about it. Approach it in a way that she knows you are trying to relieve her stress, not "taking away duties" from her or something. Honestly, though, I think she will probably thank you and it will work out for the best if you split up the tasks.

Post # 4
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

I think you should just bring that up casually with her. Tell her that while you want her to feel every bit as important as the title should make her feel, you don’t want to put unneeded pressure on her. Ask her if she would like for you to delegate some of her "duties" to others.

Is she sure she will always be working 12 hour days 6 days a week? I know that training time is sometimes more intensive than the actual job for some companies. Perhaps once she gets the routine down, her hours won’t be as intensive.

I think you have time to have this conversation with her, and if she refuses to allow others to help, give her a chance. But when crunch time rolls around, and if she isn’t fulfilling the duties, then you can hae another chat and really decide what needs to be done.

Post # 6
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think that’s perfectly alright to spread out duties so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed. My maid of honor isn’t into a lot of the traditional Maid/Matron of Honor duties (dress shopping, wedding details, etc.), but I knew that when I asked her and wanted her as my maid of honor because of her friendship, not because of her usefullness, so she wasn’t offended at all that she wasn’t included in some of those details.

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 Idon’t think it’s a big deal to have some BMs or mom help out with these responsibilites.  I think they often do, regardless of a totally busy Maid/Matron of Honor.  I think first, you haveto be clear on what are "generally looked upon" as Maid/Matron of Honor duties.  For example, if you are wanting help making favors or looking for your wedding gown, those aren’t responsiblities solely of the Maid/Matron of Honor.  No need to overwhelm her.  Just have someone else help out.  But with regards to planning the shower, etc. just ask her like some of the pps said.  Maybe you could even just say to your Maid/Matron of Honor, your mom had some ideas, but that you didn’t know what she (MOH) might be thinking.  Then she’ll know your mom is happy to help out, if she isn’t up to it.  But that she isn’t being bumped out of the process if she wants to plan it.

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