(Closed) a break in the relationship? Anyone experienced this?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Well, he has told you he’s not sure if he wants to marry you. That should give you pause. You’re being smart to question the relationship! Men arenot complicates creatures. They will say what they mean. They might cushion it by saying they don’t know, but that’s it.

He doesn’t want to marry you. Move on.

Post # 4
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I have to agree with PP.  He doesnt know when and if it will happen is no reassurance at all.  A man who loves you dearly would be happy to committ to you and looking forward to spending his life with you and his feelings would be clear there would be no confusion about that. 

You deserve someone that wants to be with you and knows it, i think after 6 years, he should know. By staying you are taking a chance on someone who is not taking a chance on you.

I think you should walk away, you may never get what you are hoping for from him, and you deserve so much better. 

Post # 5
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We’ve never taken a “break”, because to me that just spells disaster. Breaks are difficult because rules have to be set, and followed, and you may have different expectations of what will (or will not) occur than he does. Too many things can go wrong.

My FI and I did break up once, for a full year. We didn’t expect to get back together, but I guess it was meant to be. Our relationship is 1000 times stronger than it was before; I think we both did a lot of growing up in that year apart. For us, it worked out well.

If you are having problems in the relationship, will time apart really help? Either this is something you can work out, or it is not. I think you should figure this out together, not apart. Just my opinion, obviously!

 

 

Post # 6
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Personally, I don’t do breaks, but if you think it’s best, you should do it. Take a short while to evaluate things. But, if FH asked for a break, it would be over. Like I said, I don’t do breaks. So, be prepared for the fallout.

Post # 7
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was in a similar situation. Decided to end things and honestly, it was the best decision I could have made.

But I think everyone and every situation is different. Is marriage something you need? Can you live without it? Can you live without ever having children? Because I think in order to stay with him you have to accept the possibility of never having those things.

Post # 9
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@justliving007:  I think you are making the right decision for you, which is important! I have to ask… why do you need a break to decide whether or not you want to stay in the relationship? I understand needing some space, but after 6 years, you know what the relationship is like. You are either ok with what you’ve got, or you aren’t, in which case you should probably move on. I swear I’m not trying to be rude, I just don’t understand the reasoning behind the break.

Post # 10
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

I agree with others. I don’t think I would have done a break. But, I think you should sit back and take a hard look at the relationship. If you want marriage and kids, it sounds like he doesn’t. Not to be mean, but he pretty much flat out told you he doesn’t want to marry you. He has been with you for 6 years, and while you say you love him so much, he is not looking to commit. So, you need to do what is best for you. And, that may be leaving. What is meant to be, will be.

 

Post # 11
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Once you take a break, there are no backs.  That’s my philosophy.  I think it is time for you to move on.

Post # 13
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you know the answer to your own questions. It’s just hard. You’ve been with him for six years, you love him, and he’s your best friend. But he isn’t showing any signs of committing or giving you children and those are things that you want/need.

I wouldn’t risk my fertility if having kids is something that is important to you.

Post # 14
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

FI and I were together for 6 years, no break and no question as to whether we were in it for the long haul. I just turned 30 and if he had said 6 months ago that he “wasn’t sure” instead of proposing to me I would have removed myself from the relationship, if not temporarily then for sure permeantly.

You’re right, it’s not complicated and I agree with PPs – guys tend to say what they mean.. If after 6 years he’s not sure it means he is not sure about you. Sorry girl, its a painful reality and as much as you love your bf you deserve so much for that love and comittment to be reciprocated.. And I will add that you’re smart for realizing you aren’t “no spring chicken” and you’re fertility DOES have an expiration date.. Sorry girl – I know this hurts but the sooner you walk the sooner you will meet your FH and have all those little babies you hope for.

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