Post # 1
My brother got engaged to a girl from Connecticut and we are from southern New Jersey. They both live in south Jersey along with the rest of our family. Going into it, I knew she would be having us go to Connecticut for all the pre-wedding festivities – but it puts me in a bad place.
First off, I do not really get along with the bride all too well, especially as of late (long story short I got engaged recently a couple months after she had and she was so angry/upset that she cried about it to the point that my brother was affected and unhappy I got enaged too). On top of that, I have a job that I can rarely get off for and if i can, I am not allowed to pick my days off. This upcoming weekend is a mess, I have a wedding (destination of about three hours+) on saturday, but the bachelorette party from Friday to Tuesday – a destination one at that. The party is in Rhode Island and that is about six hours from where I will be leaving from. Seeing as it is my brother’s fiance, I am trying my best to make it to at least one day and as of now, thats about all I can do with needing to travel. Basically, I will be staying in a hotel friday to saturday for the wedding, driving back to my hourse sunday morning, driving over-night on sunday night, attending on monday, and coming home to work tuesday morning. Unfortunately, it has been echoed back to me that the bride isn’t too happy with me about that for a number of reasons – one being that she wanted me to drive her to and from. If you cant tell, I am extremely upset and stressed because I feel I am trying my best to make it and be there for the days or day I can.
Long story short, should I feel totally awful for only being able to attend one day of the bachelorette party? I worry the bride is disappointed in me:(
Post # 2
Future SIL or not, you’re under NO obligation to attend any or all wedding activities, whether local or long distance.
I would skip it if I were you, and not feel bad.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
I mean, when did it become a requirement for a bachelorette party to be FOUR DAYS LONG?? You had another commitment. I think you’ve more than met your obligation by going for 1 day, with all that driving.
And if she expected you to be her transportation, she should have said so. Being psychic isn’t a bridesmaid duty, last I checked.
Plus, she’s being a brat so why should you be bending over backwards to accomodate her?
Be kind, but firm that you have other obligations and you will look forward to seeing her when you get there.
Post # 4
The bride sounds like she might be in zilla mode. If she chose to have her party in Connecticut, she should have made sound travel/driving plans. Honestly, people can’t expect everyone to go to a destination party. I think it’s pretty normal that people can’t attend due to work, having children, etc. You should not feel guilty here. As long as you are there for the actual wedding (the part that actually matters). Just calmly explain as best as you can to both your brother and his lady. Maybe explain to your brother alone so his point of view is not tainted by an irrational fiancée.
Post # 5
Are you in the bridal party? How many other girls are attending the bachelorette party?
Personally, I don’t think you need to attend at all …she’ll get over it.
Maybe send her something personalized and cute for the weekend in lieu of attending, or set an activity up for them (manicures or so) that you treat them to that weekend. That way, you can skip the party but it might soften the blow and make her weekend extra special.
The only reason I’d do all that work to attend would be if (a) she has a ton of people declining and is feeling extra down about it, or (b) you expect her to attend all your engagement/wedding activities.
Post # 6
An out of town, five day bachelorette is a huge imposition on people. A wedding takes priority. She should be grateful you are able to attend at all.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
You are doing what you can. She’s a brat for not appreciating that, and an even bigger brat for throwing a fit over your engagement. Do what you are comfortable doing and not an ounce more. She sounds so annoying.
Post # 8
Don’t feel bad about it- there is no reason you need to go to this. Also, it sounds like she’ll have her panties in a twist even if you do go, so this isn’t going to appease her. That is an insane length for a bachelorette and no one should be expected to drop everything for that, not even family.
Post # 9
Can’t she take a cab? Or what about the other girls going? This sounds ridiculous. Plus it also sounds like she didn’t ask what was a good date for you because she planned it when you already had a prior commitment.
I’d skip it at this point. She’s not going to be happy either way.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t go at all.
Maybe that’s harsh, but the reality is you’re going to appease her but she will never be appeased. No matter what you do, she’s going to complain about it, so you might as well make yourself happy. Take Monday to chill after the long wedding weekend and return to work recharged.
send a nice gift or invite for mani pedi s and be done.
You’re an adult with a job and a life. Don’t let her control you with her complaints. And tell your brother she doesn’t get a year to be the only engaged person.
The best thing you can do for your future relationship is be pleasantly distant so you can be respectful of her place in your brother’s life. If you spend any length of time with her right now in zilla mode, it might be difficult to come out unscathed.
Post # 11
Really? Crying because you got engaged too?
A 4 day bachelorette party? Come on.
She sounds unreasonable, spoiled and immature. Don’t go if you don’t want to. She doesn’t get that this is you doing what you can.
Post # 12
I probably wouldn’t go at all either. She sounds completely OTT.
Post # 13
Oh wow, I feel really bad for you, OP. Life’s too short for so much stress and drama. If I were in this situation, I would just bow out of the bridesmaid role and just attend the wedding. If she can’t understand that you have other priorities, then boo-f_ing-hoo.
Post # 14
Oh man, I live in south jersey too and I’d have to really love someone to drive up to Connecticut. Just skip it. When you plan a bach. party out of town and for multiple days, not everyone can swing that.
Post # 15
She sounds like a spoiled biotch. I probably wouldn’t go at all.