Post # 1
I’ve been following this thread for quite some time but this is my first post.
Like most people here I’ve gotten so frustrated waiting, gotten upset and the occasional snapping at my SO, had my bff from college got engaged who was with her bf for a much shorter than I am with mine , my childhood friend got married and already has two kids. Oh and they are both younger than I am.
I know what it feels like, to think your life isn’t going the way you want it to and you were thinking you’d be married by now with kids on the way.
But I invite you all to challenge yourself to be patient and channel your energy and efforts on building your relationship. For me, all the fretting and stressing was taking away from what we were suppose to be enjoying because I wasn’t getting what I want when I wanted and not realizing he wants just as much as I do but it’s just not the right time. Since I’ve stopped focusing on getting engaged, my relationship with my SO is even better than before.
We can be waiting bees without worrying and wondering when it’s going to happen. I really believe if we do this it’s going to be extra special when it happens…
My only hope is that i’ve reached out to at least one person…
Post # 3
@caribbeanGirl: You are so right. It isnt worth all the mental exhaustion. I have only brought up that I want to get engaged/eventually married once to my SO (I told my SO (of 2 1/2yr) that I wouldn’t feel comfortable committing to move with him to another state unless we were engaged first) My feelings and desires were all put on the table and it is up to him to do something about it.
Rehashing and crying isnt going to do anything but make you look really dependent and it just solidifies to your SO that he is in charge and basically in control of your emotions.
Its like if my SO was begging me all the time and whining to get married, i would feel pretty damn cool, and subconsciously I would probably like it and continue to make him wait because being begged must feel kind of good. I dont even think it would be meant in a malicous way, I think it is just how brains and humans work!
I think the best thing to do is just live your life with your SO and enjoy everyday! If you have your walk out date set in mind ( i kind of do) that is good too. but baby, if it isn’t that date yet, just enjoy your relationship. who knows what will happen.
Good luck bees! being a women is tuuuuufffffffffff. this aspect of it especially.
Post # 4
I totally agree. As my username implies, I have been there: anxious, impatient and resentful. NO BUENO. I love him. I feel certain that he is the man that I want to marry, and for that reason, I can be honest about my feelings and patient with him. A close guy friend of mine said, you don’t need a ring to make a commitment. My SO has verbally committed to getting married next year (yet still no ring). I talk openly with him about the visions that I have for our day, but without the “when are we going to put a deposit down” type pressure. We are happy and compatible. For now, I’m not ready for children, so there is no biological pressures. I just try to channel my energy into enjoying our relationship and growing personally. A plus is that the more time you devote to self, the more you can enjoy and appreciate your time with him. If he turns out not to be worth the wait, a little introspection will reveal that in due time. So, it’s a win-win.
Post # 5
You have definately spoke VOLUMES to me. I think we just need to relax, bed thankful for the relationships we have and just leave it be – we know it will happen, and we will soon forget the lengths we went to try and keep calm during the waiting period when we get engaged!