- 5 years ago
Hey there everybody! So..I am in a bit of a rutt. I have just gotten engaged to my boyfriend (finace ;]) and we couldn’t be more excited. We have been talking about marriage for quite a while now and both agree we are ready. We love each other very much, but we are always very practical. Our original plan was to get married in a few months and follow the wedding with a renewal of vows ceremony and large reception a year later once we had the opportunity to save more money. when we told my father and mother about it they were supportive of the idea, but when I went to my pastor he was not in favor of the idea. he says two ceremonies may complicate things and some people might take offense to it. He then said that a good route to take after marriage counseling would to have a low cost wedding at the church (there would be no rental feees, simply a donation to the churhc) and perhaps have a non-alcoholic reception at the church or have the reception at my parent’s home. He told me that perhaps I should save the extra money I would have spent on a wedding towards a home or something more practical. I liked the idea, but I feel that route would take the magic out of the type of wedding both me and my fiance were hoping for.
My fiance is a millitary man.. we make it with our jobs and are self-sustainable without being married, however the extra money he would recieve would allow us to save a little bit more money. I would also recieve health care and benefits. When I lost my job a few months ago and got ill, it was a real eye opener that yes, the real world is tough and there are ways to manage, but things would be much easier if we were married. We live as we are married already (live together, even though it is seen as a sin) and are faithful to one another and plan on sharing our lives together. Let me also clairfy that we want to marry for love, but we recognize the financial benefit to being legally married in aiding our dreams and wants. My finace also plans to leave the millitary after his first term, so if it were for money, that would be silly because we both plan to finish our degrees and probably wont have any money in a few years (lol!)
I told my pastor that we are still considering doing two ceremonies, that way our relatives who live in different states will have the opportunity to be there with us to celebrate and also (because neither of our parents can afford to help us with our wedding) be able to provide the kind of ceremony we want for ourselves and to share with everyone else. I let him know that we were also exploring the idea of a civil marriage before the religious ceremony of blessing and exchanging of personal vows, almong with other traditional practices (bouquet toss, wedding cake, dancing, etc). I dont think he was thrilled with the idea, but I am still waiting to hear what his thoughts are about a religious ceremony vs. a civil ceremony.
If we do go the courthouse route.. we dont want anything fancy. We just want the legalities out of the way. My mother wasnt pleased when she heard of our idea. Deception is NOT what we want.. we fully intend on telling people we are legally married, though I know some people may not like it. I am also probably going to give people the option to attend the legal or ceremonial wedding if they should choose (but I think the wedding party would be better anyway), but I havent decided.
I myself, don’t understand why people are so wrapped up in the legalities.. Its just the signing of some papers andi think that the ceremony shared with family and friends should be the one that counts. Everyone seems to have mixed views. What are your thoughts about a religious ceremony vs a legal ceremony? Do they absoultely have to be performed together? Is it wrong to have two? Or should I simply have two relgious ceremonies… and If i did, does that in itself make it less special, as the two are supposed to serve different purposes? I need some second opinions.