(Closed) a close friend getting with your ex?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would find it weird. Especially if she’s a close friend of yours. Did she kniw you when you dated your ex? That would be even more weird. Just my thing, but I wouldn’t date my closes friend’s ex. 

Post # 4
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with you that it would be courteous for her to check beforehand, but putting yourself in her shoes…she probably didn’t realize right away she was falling for him, and didn’t want to ruffle feathers by checking with you if it wasn’t going to turn into anything.  Like you, I have two exes that really mattered, and if a friend started dating one of them, it would bother me.  All the rest are fair game, though 🙂  I think your friend did the right thing–she wanted to avoid hurt feelings and unnecessary drama, so when it was clear that she wanted to be more serious with the guy, she told you about it.

 

Post # 5
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe she wanted to wait and see if it was actually going somewhere and it wasn’t just sex before risking upsetting you?

If you don’t care…then don’t care.

Post # 6
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@newname_99:  *shrugs* i would upset if my friend dated an ex but because she out of all people should know how much of a jerk face he is.

But my Fiance is my exs exbest friend. He asked before we did anything. Ex said okay then slit FIs tyres.

Also all my ex boyfriends were ‘important’ boyfriends, i dated all of them for at least 1.5 years. Still could not give two hoots for any of them

Post # 7
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sounds shady. No offense to your friend. I just disagree with her behaviour. I think taking permission is a respectful thing to do, but what was the point if she had already been hooking up with him? And I agree, exes are off limits least for me. I don’t judge those who are in seriousl relationships with a friends ex. I would never feel comfortable making love to a man who has made love to my friend. 

Post # 9
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That is a bit weird, I’m sure it would bother me a bit.

Post # 10
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, I feel like the issue is that it does bug you, and you don’t want to admit it because you’re concerned about how that is going to look/what it might mean for your current relationship.

Post # 11
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Pokemon:  +1

I wouldn’t mind per-se if a close friend dated an ex. I would, however, be worried about her becuase my exes were not good relationship material imo, hense being exes. 

Post # 12
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I would find it a little weird, BUT I can’t exactly judge. My Fiance went to high school with one of my exes, and Fiance is the one who introduced me to my ex, and went on my first meeting/date with my ex. And ex didn’t mind when I started dating Fiance, or when we got engaged, he even said congratulations. But that could be because he dumped me, and he is engaged with a child now, so who knows. I think your friend should have checked if you minded first since she was worried about how you would feel though.

Post # 14
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I have always considerd all exes off limits, I would not be comfortable dating the ex of one of my girlfriends and I hope they would feel the same way if it was my ex!  For me personally it has a certain ick factor like sharing a toothbrush or something, and maybe im just in the minority. The fact that she wanted to inform you of all the details is inappropriate in my opinion, even though you and her are friends sure you two can talk about guys, but about him!  Ackward! Respectfully asking if you mind is good I guess, but she should have spared you all the details. It’s not like we owned these people or something and that they need permission but for me it would be a bit uncomfortable lets say given the history of your ex and whether things ended badly and now that those two are dating you guys now are all forced to hang out as a group etc….I would probably question her loyalty as a friend and be a little bothered but not dwell on it since he’s my past.

Post # 15
Member
1525 posts
Bumble bee

My husband’s best man at our wedding is dating my husband’s ex before me. He gave them permission before they started dating, but it was still a little hard to get used to, but honestly they are much better for each other than my husband and her were, and everything seems to be working out for the best. We’ve just moved on and have done our best to be happy for them, which I think is one of your two best options. Either drop the friendship or be happy for them. Yes, it’s weird, and she should have asked BEFORE she went on a date with him, but what’s done is done. 

Post # 16
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I can definitely understand why you feel a way about it, but at least she told you. I’m sure that wasn’t an easy thing for her to do. I try to look at it like this….If I’ve moved on and two people are right for each other, why should I block someone else’s happiness? Of course that’s easier in theory than in practice. But you’ve found your prince charming; maybe your friend is still looking for hers and just wants to be open to all possibilities. They could end up being right for each other.

 

 

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