(Closed) A comforting and much needed reminder

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m going something similar.

Almost all of my friends are married or about to be married since we are done with our Bachelors, except me. At first I took it really hard, but then one of my friends told me she wished she was starting her Masters with me in January, that she was developing her career and traveling with me next summer.

The grass is always greener on the other side, I suppose.

But I’m glad I’m getting my degrees done before marriage, honestly. I want our marriage to have the best possible start, even if that means waiting a little longer.

Post # 4
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Im there too. I have put a lot of effort into my relationship and we are still not married after almost 6 years. We are getting the ball rolling now, getting engaged in a little over a week!.But I thought I would be married by now.

Almost everyone I know already has kids and is married. But I look at them; one couple in particular and would not want that for myself. She met him, 6 months later was pregnant, and is now married and will be moving across the country with him.

Slow and steady wins the race! (for some LOL)

Post # 5
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is really sweet and puts things into perspective.  I feel like we all compare ourselves to other people (after all we are only human!) Its nice to see that while you may not be where you want in one aspect of your life, what you have accompished in another is still important and we should remind ourselves of those things when we are feeling down =)

Post # 6
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am glad that you posted this, as it is nice to know that I’m not the only one who has struggled with some of these feelings in the past.  Of the friends with whom I graduated high school, I am basically the last to find a partner and get married, and there were times before I was engaged that I wondered if perhaps there was something wrong with me, some reason why I was so “behind”.

Truth is, I wasn’t behind!  I was doing things at the exact right pace, and in the exact right order, for ME.  I had a Masters degree and a great job, owned a beautiful home, and was financially independent…all of which are accomplishments that should make anyone proud.  So what if getting married happened to be the last item I checked off of my “must-do” list, instead of the first or second?  I’d get to it when I was ready (and when my partner was ready, which is equally important).

I’ll be 30 in a few months, and I just got engaged to my amazing, wonderful partner in June.  I’ll be 30 when I get married next summer, and y’know what?  It is older than my high school friends were when they got married, but it is younger than lots of other people…and it is the perfect age for me.  Besides, up until now, I have been busy accomplishing other important things!

We are all individuals, and we all do things in different orders, and on different schedules.  No timing is any better than another, because we all have to do what is right for us!  Sometimes it helps to stop and think about that.  🙂  You will get there when you are ready!  Be proud of all that you are…a marriage (or a future marriage) is only a small piece of the puzzle that makes you fabulous.

Post # 7
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

glad you gained some perspective. My Fiance is very much a “I’m behind” type of guy – he is 33 and will be pushing 34 whe we get married.  All of his friends are married, with children, most starting on their 2nd or 3rd now.  He is always saying how everyone will be done having kids before we even start. I don’t see what the rush is (I’m only 26).  I get where he is coming from, but I hate that he views it as some big race and hate the pressure to have children right after we get married (i’m not ready!!!) It’s so important to remember that everyone’s relationships and lives move at different speeds and there are always tradeoffs. I hope my Fiance gains some perspective soon like you have! 

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@FearLess:  thanks for the reminder, most of my friends are married, or having kids. i dont want kids bu t the marriage thing is bothering me ….lol, a little bit…..i’d love to be planning a great party lol

Post # 9
Member
1598 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, thanks for posting.

I am always comparing myself to other people and where they are in their life. And a few former “freinds” starting getting really mean and condenscending towards me and my fiance because we apparently weren’t moving quickly enough for their liking (getting married, getting our own place, etc).

And I totally got fired today! So now on top of everything else I am trying to figure out why, at age 27, do I have NO IDEA what I want to be when I grow up when everyone else has had their career in place for YEARS and everything seems so perfect and happy.

God help me. Frown 

Post # 10
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel ya. I was actually the first of my high school friends to get married. I have a job I love with benefits and 401K. And all I could think about was what my friends where doing with their lives. But then I look at my husband and realize how happy I am being where I am. I need to stop worrying about the next step or what others are doing and concentrate on the amazing things I have now. And all the wonderful things too come. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Post # 12
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

For me, I have the worst of both worlds. I have a group of younger friends who are finishing school or are done school now and living the single life… and yet everyone I grew up with has married/reproduced by now.

I wish I was on the same level with just ONE person.Sometimes I really feel left out because I can’t truly bond with anyone but Fiance. I wish I had a girlfriend who was in the same stage of life.

That said, a lot of people are really into our wedding/relationship because they want what we have, and it’s very flattering and kind of nice to know that our immediate group of friends aren’t bored by weddings yet 😛

 

Post # 13
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Thanks for posting this. I used to feel like this with my friends sometimes. It seemed like everyone was married, had mutiple children, owned a house and brand new cars. I was the VERY last of my high school friends to get married. I was single, working, and enjoying city life. I didn’t get married until I was 29 and am just now pregnant. But because of health issues I’m not working. Now, I miss work and living in the city. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side!

Post # 14
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I just needed this today to remind me I’m not a total loser and that even if I am behind in the relationship part of life I’m still ahead in most others so it balances out and I’m just where I should be. =) Thank you.

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