(Closed) A complicated child problem

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
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  • Post # 2
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    cuteemoshannon:  You dont have to invite any children that you dont want to. Simply address the envelopes to who are invited: “Mr. and Mrs. Jones” and they should get the hint. If they respond with their kids names too, you simply call them and let them know it’s adult only.

    We had adults only but had our ring bearer there (DH’s nephew). 

    Post # 3
    Member
    456 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    cuteemoshannon:  it’s your wedding!! You shouldn’t feel obligated to invite peoples children. Your daughters being there is completely different than, say, your neighbor’s,sister’s, cousin’s etc children being there!

    Post # 4
    Member
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

    We did that exact same thing. Only kids were ours. I just made sure the invitations were clear on who it was addressed to and on the RSVP put ____ of ____ seats reserved for how many were invited (eg- 2 of 2). Then on our wedding website page, I put in numerous place it was an adult only reception. 

    We had 1 issue of someone not able to get a sitter and asked if there were going to be other kids there and DH told her unfortunately no, just ours. So she politely had to decline coming. 

    Just be very clear and spread the word via relatives, Fiance, invites and website (if you have one).

    Post # 5
    Member
    8375 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Don’t worry.  That is not a complicated problem. It’s perfectly fine to have specific categories of children at your wedding (only the children in the wedding party or only nieces and nephews, for example), while not inviting all children.

    The proper way to not have children at your wedding is to not invite them rather than to exclude them.  Simply address your invitations very specifically to the adults you are inviting, while omitting the names of any children also in the household. Since children’s names are not properly placed on an invitation’s outer envelope, using inner envelopes as well, addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Doe” or “Ms. Smith and Mr. Doe,” will help to underscore your intent.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2284 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

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    MrsTtoB:  Wait… is it really a thing that people would rather a loved one not come than bring their child? 

    Post # 8
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    mrspinesol:  Yes. People have a right to choose who attends their receptions. Not inviting children is very common where I live. We had an adults only reception – people were drinking heavily and partying – not a place for a child. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee

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    cuteemoshannon:  I think that’s basically all you can do (at least initially), but be prepared for a couple people to just not get the memo. You may have to make some follow-up calls to clarify that little ones are not included in the invitation. I just got engaged, and when I told a close friend and started talking wedding planning with her, she assumed her daughter was invited as well. That’s going to be a bit of an awkward convo down the line, since we are only including children of family members.

    Post # 10
    Member
    530 posts
    Busy bee

    You get to decide who comes to your wedding. Obviously your children need to be there but your second cousin and her 4 under 4 do not. It really doesn’t matter what people have to say about it. It’s your wedding and your money. 

    We picked and chose the kids that we included. There were some children who were closer to us than others. Those kids were invited, others were not. I really don’t think anyone cared. All of the parents that attended were totally down with a kid-free night. Just give your guests enough of a heads up so they can arrange child care. We mentioned it on our invites but also had a blurb on our wedding website about it. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee

    For my family it’s fairly common to exclude all kids except bridal party kids. My sister’s wedding had her future nephew as a ringbearer and he was the only kid there. 

    Just word the invites as directed above. If you think it’s going to be problematic maybe include an adults only message on your webpage. Reasonable people will not hold it against you for including your daughters and not their kids. Have the day you want!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    30402 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    mrspinesol:  The loved ones will have plenty of time to book a sitter. Adults are entitled to have child free social events. If parents truly can’t be separated from their children, they have the right to decline the invitation.

    I am sure the OP, like most people, will make an exception for breast feeding infants.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2284 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

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    weatherbug:  No, that part I understand. But did you tell her she couldn’t come, or did she just not come on her own after hearing that there wouldn’t be any other kids? Because for me, I’d rather have a loved one be there with their kid, and just leave on their own once things get really rowdy, than to not have them share in our day at all. But, that’s just me. Obviously everyone has their own thing. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Somehow, an awful lot of women with small children manage to leave their kids and go work outside the home.  Some even breastfeed.   My office has a lactation room, which many young women use.  The fact is, it is a personal choice to bring your child with you.   And if someone else is s hosting, it is their choice. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee

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    cuteemoshannon It’s totally fine not to ask every single child you know, but I would make an exception if there are other children in the adopted daughters family. They are your daughters siblings and only inviting her doesnt sit well with me.

    I also would make an exception for anyone with a newborn – personally I don’t think they should be lleft with a sitter

    :then again I am also with 

    View original reply
    mrspinesol:  and struggle to understand that people would be more than happy for loved ones not to come just because they couldn’t find a sitter. 

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