(Closed) A convicted sexual predator is coming to my wedding

posted 7 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If it were me, I’d let my mom handle it, cause I’m anti-confrontation and would probably screw things up.  Is it her brother?  Maybe she could talk him out of it, if they’re close enough that she can speak openly about it.  I’m not having kids at my wedding so it probably wouldn’t be a big issue, but if that’s what he’s convicted of, and there will be kids there, I’d definitely make a big deal out of this.  You don’t know him well enough to know if he’s a “changed” man or what the deal is with that.  Good luck! =/

Post # 4
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t understand why you would have invited him in the first place?  I mean I posted it but again… I have a twice convicted VIOLENT felon for a brother and he’s not on my guest list.  I’m assuming he’s your mom’s brother?  You’re getting married and you’re an adult .. I’d call him and ask him not to come … or have your mom tell him.  

I’d tell the flower girls/ring bearer’s parents … You owe them that much, they are their children’s best advocates and it’s up to them how to protect them from harm.  

Post # 6
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

wow that sucks! If it were me, I would definitley either call the man myself and tell him that he was not able to come because of his past. I would have no problem telling him.

I mean sorry I can’t trust you around my flower girls I can’t have you at my wedding. He made his own bed now he has to lie in it.

Post # 7
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s too late to suggest you not invite him, obviously.

I would not risk exposing any children to a convicted sexual predator. I suggest you start by phoming your local police or sherrif’s department. Tell them about your concern and see if he woud be violating any parole or restrictions placed on him by attending the wedding. If he is I would ask your mom to request that in the name of peace on your wedding day, that he not attend.

Post # 8
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

An 11 year old? I’m sorry, but I would not feel comfortabe with a convicted pedophile at my wedding. I would have your mom tell him he is uninvited. And I would be worried for any children at your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

Is he a sexual predator or a sexual offender? You can be an offender for peeing in public and you can be a sexual predaor for statutory rape when you are 18 and your bf is 16. So, do you know what the charges were? Was it molestation of a child or rape or an adult? If it was then I say definatly ask your mom to uninvite him.

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Daisydew: I’m sorry i didn’t mean to sound harsh .. I’m sorry you can’t “unring the bell” .. this totally sucks.  I’d ask your mom to talk to him and i’m sure he’d understand it’s not like no one at the wedding will know.  Maybe she could say you wanted him to know you were thinking about him … 

good luck .. 

Post # 11
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Thats a tough situation. I personally wouldnt have invited him in the 1st place but regardless. I’d call him & say that your concerned that his being at your wedding which will be in a church with children could get him in trouble & you dont want to worry about that on your wedding day. & that your not comfortable exposing other peoples children to a convicted sex offender. “I hope you understand but I think id be best if you didnt come.”

Post # 13
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lovebird1981: I was thinking the same thing, I know someone who got registered. He had sex with a girl who was 16 & he was 18. Something like that. Anyway she said it was something with an 11yr old boy! & thats a no no to me.

Post # 14
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t know the situation. But I don’t think you can be convicted for being a friend to anyone regardless of their age. There is obviously more to the story that your mom isn’t telling you. Regardless if you are uncomfortable having him at your wedding, which I would be, I think you need to call and tell him. You did invite him regardless of whether or not you thought he would come so I think its your job to tell him you changed your mind.

Post # 15
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@PuntaCanaBride: I’ve got to agree. You can’t be convicted or being someone’s friend. Regardless of their age. There’s more to the story then you’re being told.

Post # 16
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Since sex offenders register online, you can look up his status and see if it says “likely to reoffend” or not. 

Here’s a few things to consider:

1) What’s your mom’s relationship with her brother? (Or other siblings) Would someone be willing to ‘babysit’ him for the evening? Depending on the relationship, you can be upfront and honest about it, or just have someone appointed to keep an eye on him, alert someone if he’s missing, wonders off, etc.

2) Does your family think he is likely to “reoffend”? If they don’t think so, and since he didn’t actually commit rape, I wouldn’t worry that he’ll do anything drastic.

3) Does he have a probation officer? Ask for his/her number and speak to them about what they think of the situation. It would be loving your uncle to help him not get in a further mess. She probably knows him better than most anyone and could give you a good read on the situation, not only legally but personally.

4) What are the parents of your flower girl/ring bearer like? Will they freak out? Are they easy going? If they are understanding, it might be good to give them a heads up so they can keep close tabs on their kids. If they are the type to call the police if he shows up…probably best to deal with it beforehand.You could also offer to have the kids come to the dinner part, but hire a baby sitter for the rest of the evening when people will be milling around more.

5) Sex offenders (even predators) are people too. I work with a lot, and it can be really hard for them to pull their life back together, especially once their family has disowned them. Allowing your uncle to come could be much more meaningful than you realize. I wouldn’t exclude him on the basis that he is a sex offender, but on your judgment of the current situation.

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