(Closed) A convicted sexual predator is coming to my wedding

posted 10 years ago in Christian
Post # 17
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@Treasure43: I couldnt agree more. I honestly still believe he shouldnt come to the wedding, I would feel its almost like condoning his behaviour- yes he’s family, but Im sorry, there are children who may be at risk- that would be my priority.

Post # 18
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I work with convicted felons everyday. We’re not supposed to have convicted sexual predators where I work… but there are a few. I don’t blame you for being concerned about him coming to your wedding. You don’t want him to do anything!

That being said, I know you have a lot of concerns and I’ll try to help you out with some of them. Most states allow sexual predators to leave the state at some point… they can’t leave for like more than 3 days without registering in the state that they are visiting. Most of them have to tell their probation/parole officer about leaving, and be granted a weekend stay or something of that nature. If their officer does not feel like it’s a good idea.. then he/she will not let them go.

Most states allow sexual predators to be around children.. but only if they are supervised (unless they have children of their own). They are typically banned from parks, schools, or places designed for children, also they are typically banned from social networking websites. I’ve never heard of a sexual predator being banned from a church…

My guess is that he knows all the laws and regulations against him. I think it’s unfair to jump to conclusions that he will illegaly go across state lines because he is a sexual predator. This is in regards to your comment about him driving and “not getting caught”. I guess because I work with offenders everyday I am conscious of things like this. I’m not saying he’s a good or bad person… and I’m not saying you should not be careful. I just thought I would point it out.

My suggestion is to call him and tell him not to come, but it is obvious that you are not comfortable around him. It would be a stressful day for you if he were to show up and you don’t trust him. If he does come, you do need to tell the flower girl/ring bearer’s parents that a sexual predator is present so they can be extra careful to watch their children. I wouldn’t tell your pastor unless you really want to, while I don’t think it’s anyone’s business… there are laws that they have to notify people that they are around, so you can inform people (or he can) but I wouldn’t make a big announcement.

Post # 19
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think since he has to drive in order to not be caught leaving the state says it all. It sounds to me as if he is leaving the state illegally and I would base my opposition to him attending the wedding on that. Yes, pedophiles are people too and yes they deserve a second chance if they show they are deserving of it but I wouldn’t want anyone at my wedding that wasn’t there on the up and up so to speak. If he cannot get permission from the powers that be to legally leave the state and attend your wedding then sorry, no can do! Good luck!

Post # 20
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Marie Gabrielle

Why did you invite him?

I wouldn’t give a heads up to the parents of those children because, quite honestly – it could cause a huge, huge, dramatic and possibly unsafe situation.  You are opening yourself up to lots of talk, unwelcome conversations on your wedding day, and worse case scenario – a mob/punishing mentality.  That’s not worth it to anybody, and I don’t see an upside to that. 

There are definitely people in the sex offender registry who were convicted of things like having sex with a 16yo when they were 18.  It sounds like you need more information from your mother to determine what exactly he did – so that you know what kind of actual danger he is.  If he did what it appears he did, I’d have your mother handle it by telling him he needs to stay home.  She doesn’t need to be cruel, but it’s not fair to your other guests/children to have him there – and allowing him to come while warning the chidlren’s parents sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.  If I were that parent, I’d be bowing out of the wedding and staying home.

Post # 21
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you would actually rather him not attend write him a letter telling him ‘since he’s made the choice to come he will have to tell everyone he’s a convicted sexual predator that is attending the event’ maybe that would change his mind in wanting to come? lol 

Post # 22
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If he comes, you HAVE to inform the parents of those children. Think about which you would rather do, tell people that a sexual predator with a “past” involving an 11 year old is at your wedding, or call him and tell him you are not comfortable with him coming. He should understand, tell him you invited him out of courtesy and did not expect him to rsvp. A wedding is about you and your family, but this is an exception.

Post # 23
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

edit: i decided to send you a message. i don’t want to start arguments or debates about your personal issue 🙂 Sorry!

Post # 24
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Edited because the post to which I was responding has also been cleared.

Post # 25
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you’re a convicted sex felony aren’t you NOT allowed to be anywhere near children?? I don’t know how it is in the states but that’s how it is here in Canada, So if he did go to your wedding, Can’t he get sent back to Jail for just being in the presence of children? That being said.. I think it’s crazy that he even excepted probably knowing that their would be children at the wedding. Anyways I think you should tell your mom how you feel and tell her to handle it since it’s her brother and if he does come you owe it to the parents of those children to let them know he’s going to be there, they may not want their kids at your wedding anymore as a safety precaution.

Post # 26
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@teaadntoast: sorry!

Post # 27
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@elivt:  No worries!  I sent you a PM with my question.

Post # 28
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I personally would uninvite him. Especially since you don’t know the full story and what really happened. If it were something minor (the whole 19 yr old dating a 15 yr old thing) then fine, but something with an 11 yr old?? No way! I would just say you are sorry but you cannot have him come. If he did, then I agree with those who said you have to tell the parents of the children that he is coming and I’m sure they won’t like that! Very sticky situation. Can you find out more details, as far as the actual crime? Good luck!

Post # 29
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Daisydew:  Isn’t there a restriction that says he cannot be around children?  and/or leave the state?  I would ask your mom to somehow request he not come.  I don’t think there’s a need for an announcement because that will just freak people out.  I would google the sex offender laws for your state and see what the restrictions are.

Post # 30
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Unless you know for CERTAIN that this was the police / mother going way out of bounds, I would disinvite him. I’m surprised you invited him without knowing the whole story in the first place. If you didn’t think he could come, why did you send him an invitation? You should have just sent the invitation to your grandmother and just said that you can’t have a felon at your wedding. It’s your WEDDING! You deserve a nice peaceful day without crazyness.

Post # 31
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, if I was the mother/father of the flower girl or ring bearer, I would be horrified knowing that a sexual predetor was coming to the wedding.  I would be so paranoid that I would spend the whole day making sure that my child was no where near him or anywhere alone.  That is no fun for the parents or the kid. Weddings get chaotic, there are people running around, and it is the perfect opportunity or even temptation for a sexual predetor to act out. You should univite him – it is better to be safe than sorry. 

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