Post # 1
Hi ladies! I’m back from my wonderful wedding and honeymoon which i plan to do a recap on whenever i can gather up some pics. But something has truely bothered me and it revolves around a friend.
A little backstory – i’ve been friends with this girl for 7 years, and i was just in her wedding in July. I recently wrote a post about her backing out of my bachelorette party and how hurt I was about it.
For a recap: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/friend-backing-out-on-party-super-lame-and-im-upset
Well, it just blew up more. Her and her husband RSVP’d yes to my wedding and then NO-SHOWED. Yep! As in, they didn’t come and we ate the costs of their plates. She ended up emailing me the next day and said that she had a horrible cold and couldn’t make it and how sorry she was. She did send me a gift in the mail which was a few items off my registry. Told me she wants to meet up and hopes i had a great wedding/honeymoon. I really feel like i was not important to her AT ALL after I had just stood up for her a couple months prior. She couldn’t even call to tell me all of this on Sunday, or even have her husband call/text me the day of the wedding so I would know. It all just felt like a big brush off. I put a tremendous amount of time/money into her entire affair and she did jack crap for me and didn’t even attend anything (except for giving me the wedding gift).
Now, I am unsure of how to handle this entire situation. Of course i plan on sending her a thank you for the gifts, but I can’t act all sweet like nothing is wrong. I can’t call her out on her cold either b/c it’s possible she did have one. I guess what i’m looking for is advice on how to handle the situation? My friends and family said I should be completely done with this girl(after the thank you card, of course). I felt very shocked and upset that one of my friends would act in this way. I guess it’s true that you really can know who your real friends are when an important event rolls around.
Other than that bumming me out on the big day – everything else was great! I look forward to sharing my pictures with you guys! Thanks for all of the advice!
Post # 3
I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt and there may be more going on behind the scenes in her life that you are not aware of.
Post # 4
You can have a talk wtih her and just say that you were really sad she didnt’ come to the wedding and she didnt’ come to your bachelorette party.
The not calling wasn’t cool, but you have to let that go.
And perhaps she IS pulling away. Do YOU want to be friends with this person anymore?
Post # 5
@JennyW1: I really think I’m about done with her as a friend. I’m not giving her any more “benefit of the doubts”. She’s proved a few times lately that she’s a lousy friend. So, i guess the best thing to do is to just write her a thank you and not respond to her email? She wanted to meet up to give me my shower gift – i don’t even want it!
Post # 6
Well, she bought you the shower gift already. I meant distance yourself–you don’t really need to write her off completely. Just don’t make the effort anymore.
In this case, let her take you out for coffee, be polite, and leave it where you can be sort of historical friends. That’s what I’d do.
Post # 7
It seems like she acted like she was sorry and is making an effort to get together with you. I can definitely see why you are upset and I would be too, but if it were me I would meet up with her and see how it goes. Then make your decision about the future of your friendship. If you don’t think you can go without blowing up at her though, then forget it or wait a while. Only go if you feel like you might want to salvage a relationship with her and can go with an open mind.
Post # 8
Breathe! You are possibly jumping to conclusions and making yourself upset over a small thing. If I were a sick guest, I would not call the bride to tell her that on her wedding weekend, because I would not want to bother her with any bad news or take up her time when she is busy. I think your friend did all the right things (explained her absence, got you a gift, honestly wished you well) and your anger is overblown. People DO get sick and have to miss events sometimes, so I wouldn’t automatically assume she is lying about being sick. I think she did nothing wrong and that you shouldn’t toss out a dear friendship over this. Wait until you have cooled down a few weeks, then if it still bothers you you can meet her for lunch and explain that you were really sad she didn’t show up.
Post # 9
It really sucks they blew off your wedding, but if she really was sick, that’s just horrible timing. I’m thinking (from what I’ve read, I obviously don’t know the whole situation) that at least she emailed you the next day (although a text/call the day of the wedding would have been nice, maybe they figured you were too busy to take calls or texts though.) and she also sent you a gift.
If you are done with the friendship which it sounds like you are, then I would agree with the other ladies, and just keep your distance. Don’t put the in effort, but don’t leave it on a bad note. You never know what may come up in the future and you don’t want to have bad feelings towards her, and same with her towards you.
Post # 10
Well she did not have to send a gift to you, and it might have been a real cold she had. I would be giving the benefit of the doubt in this situaiton.
I think she is def trying to make things up to you.
Post # 11
@snuggielove: I meant just meet up with her and see, then make decisions after that. I think you should take this as a separate incident and she seemed to be unhappy about not making it and give her the benefit of the doubt about the cold.
Post # 12
I see where you all are coming from and thank you for your suggestions. But meeting up with her is not anything i want to do in the near future. Sometimes, it’s not always best to look on the bright side or give people 3rd or 4th chances. Sometimes, people just let you down over and over again. Does she sound apologetic? Sure. But, does that mean i have to forgive and forget? Not really…
I think I answered my own question on how I will proceed. 🙂
Post # 13
i would send her a thank you note and then not have anything to do with her, personally (granted, i didn’t read your original post). maybe she’s being passive aggressive cos she wasn’t one of your bridesmaids? either way, she sounds very immature and flaky.