(Closed) a cute way to tell your SO you want to pick the ring together

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

that’s a great way to explain it! I was wondering how I could insert myself into the ring shopping experience. LOL the last time I said anything about it, all he said was “well that’s not traditional, is it”? and I was actually stumped and couldn’t think of anything to say back so I left it alone. Maybe I’ll try again soon.

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I love that! A lot of the time with guys (I don’t mean to generalize, but at least with my fiance &  my best friend’s boyfriend), you really have to spell out what seems so obvious to us. I swear, some of the things that I’ve had to explain blow my mind. At the same time, though, men and women think differently and men mostly see what’s on the surface.

Post # 5
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@purpledaisies:  My parents actually shopped together for her ring (she picked it out.. or it was one of many options she gave my dad!) in the early 1980s. I understand why some may think it’s untraditional, but growing up, that’s all I knew, so to SO it was odd, but his mother didn’t even have an engagement ring, so he had no idea.

Post # 6
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@love108:  I even like the idea of sending him some pictures of rings that I like so that at least he can know my style. I want to have the experience of going to the stores and trying stuff on…

in past, I worked at a Jewelry store, and when he bought me a gift from that store, I had him come in one day and I showed him 5 different things that I liked..and he picked. I love having the surprise, so I kind of hope that we can do the ring the same way….LOL but he hasn’t brought it up in a while. I guess time will tell!

Post # 7
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The two first pieces of jewelry he gave me where not a hit and not practical one bit (the ring had claws). We spent months shopping for rings until I finally picked 3 with Fiance and then he picked which one to get me. Im thinking of upgrading but keeping the same style just changing to canadian diamonds and a better metal. I was really picky on what was practical for me and my ring is perfect.

Post # 8
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Ahhh! Thank you, this is the perfect analogy! The jewelry he’s gotten me in the past, while really nice, isn’t exactly my taste. He seemed shocked a few weeks ago when he found out my cousin had picked out her own engagement ring, haha. 

Post # 11
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Mid 1970’s My dad put my mum on the bus with his chequebook so she could pick out her own as he recognised he had no interest or idea

Post # 12
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Great Topic.

And I totally agree, men can be totally overwhelmed by this topic.  But at the same time they have very fragile egos, they see the whole ring thing as a sort of “judgement” aspet of themselves… knowing full well that EVERYONE is going to want to see the ring.

On the positive side of things, by shopping together, we gals tend to end up with a ring we love, and with our GENTLE assistance, can take some of the stress off of our guys, especially when it comes to them knowing all there is about rings (the 4Cs). 

Most guys don’t know alot about that, or even necessarily ask a lot of questions… so they can potentially be an “unprepared consumer” in such a major purchase.  Next to a House and Cars, a E-Ring is one of the most important purchases in one’s lifetime (would you think of buying a car or a house, without doing much reading / research beforehand ?).  Putting things in that perspective, can help a guy see that going together to make this purchase (or choice) can be wise planning.

My first wedding happened in the 1980s.  I guess you could say I was a “progressive” Bride for my time, because I insisted that my Fiance and I go ring shopping together.  My reasoning was that I have short stubby fingers (which I do) so not everything looks good on them.  And if I was going to wear something the rest of my life, then I should certainly like it.  He didn’t complain at this… he seemed rather relieved that I he didn’t have to go into a Jewellery Store all alone (a very daunting task for a guy… ever notice how many women browse these stores… even if they aren’t in the market for a ring, while their guys wait outside)

We went in looked around, priced out a few things, tried on some others.  And left with an idea as to what was out there, and what it cost (IMO an important consideration for any couple, afterall an Engagement Ring is often the first major purchase of your relationship.  I think as a couple, finances should be discussed as a couple… it lies down a foundation for a healthy future considering how many marriages break-up over money) 

A few weeks later, he told me he had ordered a ring (my ring), and it was being sized, and we should go into the Jewellery Store after work to pick it up.  I tried on the ring he had chosen and loved it, he had even added a “chip” diamond to the Wedding Band from the samples we had seen when we were browsing.

On the weekend we went out to a local Hotel (5 Star) for a very fancy meal to celebrate… I put on the ring before we left the house, and it was official, we were engaged.  Lol, no big Proposal for me.  Frown

This Time Round (TTR)…

When my SO and I first started talking about getting married, I asked him when we would be going to look at rings.  He looked at me in stunned amazement.  He had never heard of such a thing.

Like most guys he had the “traditional” concept in mind of picking out a ring, and surprising me with it.  Which is indeed romantic, but like FLUTTERBEE I tried to find an equivalent suggestion to something in his life he’d relate to… for us it was Hockey Equipment (lol, Guys and Sports eh?)

He quickly realized that he wanted me NO WHERE in charge of any hockey equipment purchases !!  I said, ya, but if I had WON a Gift Certificate for a Sports Store, and had to come in and access the credit on my account to make my purchases, and I was thinking of buying you all NEW fabulous state-of-the-art hockey gear, would you want the Surprise, or would you prefer to come along and do the selecting (and drooling) yourself.  He agreed, something so personal and important, and he’d sacrifice the surprise.

We recently went ring browsing.  He told me to point out things that I might like.  I am looking for something very unique TTR, I do not want a Solitaire.  I am leaning towards something more of a cocktail ring.  In seeing my preferences, my SO is glad that he has come along… because as he has said, he would have just headed right to the Solitaires if he had been left on his own.

We continue the hunt.  I am pretty sure now, that this ring purchase will go similar to my first one over 30 years ago.  In the end I will end up with a ring that I have taken part in choosing, and will LOVE it forever and happy that it is a valuable symbol of our love and who we are “together”.

Post # 13
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@flutterbee:  Even though by all possible comparisons my ring is a “budget” ring, when we first went shopping he was floored by the prices. I tried to explain to him. You have a dream car in mind, let’s say it’s 50k, you want to buy it some day. IT WILL NOT RUN FOREVER. THIS RING IS 5K! You can’t even buy a new car for that and I’m wearing it for my entire lifetime! Let’s put this in perspective!

Post # 14
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@love108:  So LOVE your analogy.

When my SO and I recently went ring browsing, he was a bit taken back by the prices of e-rings these days.  It has been about 40 Years since he last bought one (mid 1970s)

In my case, as a girl who was along when my first e-ring was purchased for my own first marraige, I thought that the current prices were pretty reasonable, seems that diamonds haven’t gone up much in price since the early 1980s.

Mind you, I am pretty aware of what I want this time round… and it isn’t a traditional solitaire (they are nice, just not me).  The ring I have in mind is still pretty expensive considering that it is a BIG Sparkling hunk !!

Lol, I have found myself thinking in terms of our realistic ring budget in regards to other things that we may purchase for our new home… do I want a ring that costs more or less than what we are willing to so easily spend on a NEW Refrigerator, or a Washer & Dryer set, etc.  Does put things into perspective IMO.

 

Post # 15
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@This Time Round:  I know, right? Most of the rings I loved happened to fall in the 3k-4k range, but based on our current financial situation, I could not justify wearing that sort of money. 3,000 dollars… that’s like… 3 months rent, that’s…. money towards a house! Then again, it IS something you plan on wearing for your entire life, so I can totally understand justifying the expense. Diamonds are expensive, but metals have gone up SO much, the cost of some settings I looked at almost doubled!

Post # 16
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@love108:  I hear you and I totally understand.  Your situation sounds a lot like what it was like for me when I got engaged the first time back many years ago.  I posted about it in another topic this evening…

My first Bridal Set back in 1980 was pretty modest… with the price of gold then at an all-time high ($ 500 an ounce) and Interest Rates at over 20% (Financing & Credit Cards were in the stratosphere, 30%+ was not unheard of).  With wages of just a few bucks an hour… money was tight for any Fiance purchasing an all important e-ring.  Lol, you can tell Brides from that timeframe, the rings are all very plain.  Once ya paid for the gold, there wasn’t much money left over to add a diamond (mine was under 10 points).  And if I recall correctly the ring cost $ 1200 and took over a year to pay off.

— — —

Continued… post somehow got cut-off.

By comparisson the price of Gold today is trading at $ 1600 an ounce.  Which is certainly a lot of money, but based on where couples were back when I got engaged the first time, a diamond ring today is a good value.  Certainly so in dollars to dollars, but also in the quality of a keepsake or family heirloom.

Of course back in the 1980s things were a lot different than they are today.  Our lives were a lot more modest than most Engaged Couples today.  We all rented, NO ONE owned a house when they married.  Most of us didn’t have a car, and we all had Student Loans.  Whe my first hubby and I moved into together he owned a stereo, and I a set of dishes and a few pots and pans.  Our immediate needs were a lot more basic.  Consequently, there was no stampede to purchase a Designer anything, let alone an E-Ring.  In general we spent years of our lives accumulating goods in the midst of also having kids.  We did it slowly, probably a lot due to the fact that financing borrowing was so expensive.

Couples tended to get engaged immediately out of College / University and so got married a lot younger.  “The Wait” was considerably shorter, but so then were probably some of our expectations.

I am lucky to be able to see this pre-wedding process from several perspectives, my previous one, my current one, and the one that my Daughter will go thru when her times comes.  There is no RIGHT or WRONG answer, just a different way of doing things in different timeframes.

I am also fortunate in that this time round, we can afford a fancy e-ring (at least $ 2 K).  But I do realize that I am a lucky girl.  And that this isn’t something that can be for everyone.  Then again, I have a real hang-up about the symbolism of these rings… Engagement and Wedding… I am not the sort of person who will exchange them, or trade up.  The rings that are blessed at our wedding are the rings that I will wear forever.

 

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