A Dear Abby column got me thinking.. Stealing Thunder

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Would you announce the pregnancy a week before the wedding

    No. Its inappropriate and thunder stealing

    Yes: Good news is always welcome

    Why is he asking and not his wife? Its her sister.

    Doesnt matter one way or the other.

  • Post # 61
    6790 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

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    Mrs.MilitaryBee :  So this happened to me. My husband and I were engaged for 6 years, and we spent a year planning our wedding. Because we had had such a long engagement, with people asking us continually when we were getting married, a lot of my husband’s out of town relatives came to our wedding. My husband’s family planned a whole weekend of family visits and dinners, etc. around the time of our wedding because it was the first time in a long time that so many of the relatives had been together. (These were not wedding-related in any way. They were just scheduled at the same time.)

    At our rehearsal dinner, my then sister-in-law (she is now an ex sis-in-law, and we don’t keep in touch) announced her pregnancy. She had made little gift bags for my husband’s parents and for all of his aunts and uncles and for his grandparents. The little bags contained a sonogram picture and a bunch of boy-themed items, and she went around to each person at the table, while we were eating, to give out the bags and say (again and again) that they were having a boy and how it was the first grandchild in my husband’s family.

    It was clear she had been planning to do this on this specific occasion, because she took the time to print copies of the sonogram pictures and put the gift bags together. And she had also waited long enough that they knew it was a boy. Oh, and she didn’t tell me or my husband about this ahead of time. When she stood up and started handing out her gifts, we had no idea what she was doing.

    My hubby and I have been married almost 20 years. Now, I look back at that and it’s funny. It has become one of those “funny family history” stories that live on within a family. At the time, I played it off like no big deal and said we should also celebrate their happiness, but I’m not gonna lie: I was ticked off and hurt by it. If she had told me ahead of time, I might have been okay with it. If her intention was to make the announcement when my hubby’s family was all together, then she could have picked any of several other occasions that weekend. And I would not have cared at all. She didn’t have to do it at the rehearsal dinner. And, from the way she did it, it was clear that she was bent on getting attention onto herself.

    In the end, it didn’t work out the way she had planned. There was no joyous outpouring of excitement over her news. Everyone told her congratulations and looked at the sonogram picture. And then, we all went on to have a lovely wedding. (Yikes! Sorry I wrote a novel here. LOL)


    Post # 62
    190 posts
    Blushing bee

    It depends on how far into the pregnancy she is. If it’s still early, I would wait after the wedding but it’s 3 months or more, then it doesn’t really matter, people would probably sus it out most of the times. 

    If I were the bride, I would be happy for my sister and woudn’t think she is stealing my thunder. They are two different life events as far as I’m concerned. I don’t under the “thunder stealing thing,” wedding is just an event( albeit a glamours one) the in my life, if I’m the bride, I don’t expect people to think about me constantly about me for the week leading up to the wedding and probably most people just go on with their lives too.

    Edit: If they choose to announce it before the wedding, they should do it on their own time and not hijack any wedding events.

    Post # 64
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

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    longtimemrs :  omg… what a piece of work. Im glad they didn’t pay her much attention lol, how rude. 

    @Mrs.MilitaryBee no waaaayyy!!! 😂 lol KEEP THE DECORATIONS UP?!! Wow lmao. Terrible. 

    Post # 65
    6790 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

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    Mrs.MilitaryBee :  I’m sorry I’m so late in commenting back. I’m visiting my parents, and life has been too busy. (but in a good way) Yep! She really had it all planned out, apparently. Not that anyone else knew. I guess my bro-in-law knew, but he was never good at curbing her nutty ideas and plans. 

    Overall, I think I was a pretty chill bride. I had waited so long to get married that I had made up my mind I was going to enjoy every moment. There was no way I was going to let someone spoil it for me … or make me spoil it for myself with negative feelings. It helped a lot that everyone kind of ignored her big news. Not that we weren’t happy for them. I think most everyone was, but pretty much everyone there gave them a congratulations and got back on wedding track. I know that’s what I did — ha, ha!

    I agree there are a lot of cuckoo relatives out there. The story you shared about your husband’s niece almost made me laugh out loud because it is so beyond crazy. It sounds like the plot for a soap opera or something. Just wow. That is unbelievable and actually a lot worse than what happened to me. Hopefully, in time, his niece will look back on it as a funny/crazy thing and not as something that nearly ruined her wedding. It sounds like she was able to have a nice and lovely wedding, in the end. I honestly don’t understand how people think sometimes. Well, most of the time … LOL!

    View original reply
    made2comment :  It was almost shockingly rude. (Although nothing near the whole “hey, just leave your decorations up and I’ll use them for my own wedding” thing. That is beyond crazy.) Even now, 20 years later, I can’t understand what she was thinking. I’ve never been an attention-grabby person, so it would never occur to me to do something like that. The whole thing was kind of bizarre, especially since there were many chances all weekend long to make the announcement and have full attention on herself.

    This girl’s mother, after sis-in-law and bro-in-law’s wedding, told me to make sure to let her know when we were setting our date so she could laugh about our wedding. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree … :/

    Post # 66
    2975 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

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    Mrs.MilitaryBee :  Jesus Christ this is the best crazy relative at a wedding story ever!! I love it!

    Post # 67
    12 posts

    I’ve never understood why people see this kind of thing as an issue. I love good news and celebrating it, so if this happened to me and people were talking about it at my wedding it wouldn’t faze me in the slightest. I still get my day, I still married the love of my life and everyone is having a good time and celebrating. I’d just see it as something that added to my wedding. 

    Seems petty to me to be annoyed at something like this. Worse things could happen. 

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