(Closed) A decade WAITING

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It sounds like he is stringing you along. And this is coming from someone that was with her BF for 8 years before he proposed. 

Post # 3
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

He’s definitely stringing you along, though I do find it odd that you’re requiring he propose over a long weekend..

Post # 6
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Yep, he doesn’t sound like he’s going to propose. I would give yourself a firm deadline and then end it.

I honestly haven’t got a clue why you waited around this long. I would’ve been gone after the first two missed dates.

Post # 7
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think you need to consider setting a walk date, or accept the fact you might never be married. He is obviously stringing you along and I doubt he has a ring. 

Post # 8
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Why does the proposal have to be over a long weekend? 

Post # 10
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

A decade? Yeah no, you deserve better.  Long past the time to move on.

Post # 11
Member
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to start living life on your own calendar. If he wanted to be married to you, he would ask you.

I ended my last relationship because we had “the talk” and he said he loved me but never wanted to get married again (we had both been married and divorced). Ending our relationship freed me up to meet my DH who proposed months after we met.

Post # 13
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

Time to move on unfortunately. Sorry bee 🙁

Post # 14
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  agreed with everyone else. But if you really want to be engaged, putting restrictions on how and when doesn’t make any sense. Many people have had very meaningful and intimate proposals without it needing to occur in a specific way. 

Its been years, so obviously the guy has had many opportunities. But if you are being so picky about this thing, how do we know you aren’t being unnecessarily picky about others that may result in delays to the engagment? 

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I think the first thing to do is examine his overall behavior. Does your boyfriend have commitment issues outside of your relationship? Does he have trouble making friends, or does he routinely have short-term platonic relationships? Did he have many short-term romantic relationships in the past?  Can he hold down a job and perform well at said job? Does he (at least try to) make mature and timely decisions? If he can’t do all or some of those things, that’s a huge red flag. 

Even if the above things don’t apply to him, I feel that this is only going to get worse if you actually marry him and you are then faced with common issues such as finances, child rearing, house buying, etc. Even so, just the fact that he’s behaving like that in your relationship is unacceptable. You are absolutely right in becoming impatient and frustrated. You don’t deserve to waste time waiting around for him to commit, when he obviously knows you’re beyond ready. 

I hate to suggest an ultimatum, since I hate them myself, but it’s en exceptional circumstance, and it sounds like this guy needs one. Stop waiting around for him, and give him x amount of time to commit to you (three months, two weeks… you set the time). It’s not ideal, but sometimes merely the threat of breaking up will let a man know you’re serious about commitment. And if you’ve done this before and not gone through with the leaving part-go through with it this time. Whether or not you accept his apology/proposal afterwards (if he does so) is up to you, but I’d proceed with caution any way you slice it. 

Again, so sorry you’re dealing with that. Best of luck to you. 

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