(Closed) A decade WAITING

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 151
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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froggles31 :  none of this sounds healthy. But he gave her a deadline that’s close. I think it’s this month or next. But honestly I think OP realizes what is happening to her 😕

Post # 152
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

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beelinetowhere123 :  I’m very sorry to read your update. Quite simply, I think you should leave. You’re actually in a lot of pain, don’t you realise? It’s not how it should be. Sorry, bee.

Post # 154
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

Leave the relationship. You’re miserable, he’s miserable, no one is being served by a long-dead romance. Cut the cord and try again with someone who WANTS to be with you.

Post # 155
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

If he ignores your calls on purpose, then you absolutely don’t want to marry him. My last ex did that to me a lot. Also, please go to therapy, if anything to get your self-harm under control. 

Post # 157
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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beelinetowhere123 :  I’m a former alcohol abuser and my drinking was at its worst during my last relationship. I also used to self-harm and I did it a lot when my husband and I were having problems. The next time you feel like punching yourself, try punching a pillow or maybe buy a set of stress balls. 

Post # 158
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

He treats you poorly. I don’t know if you can see it right now, but if your partner knows you are really upset about something (especially something he is responsible for) he shouldn’t turn off his phone and ignore you. He should be calling you to talk and calm you down.

Those good days vs. bad days thing you mentioned–yes every relationship has ups and downs but on the bad days you should be comforting each other.

My SO always reminds me during and after our arguments that he still loves me. So I know even if he is not happy with me right now he still supports me. That is how it’s supposed to be. 🙁

Post # 160
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Sweetie, he is not your forever. You have made him your forever for so long you have forgotten who YOU are. YOU would never have put up with this BS from him when you first started dating. That is the person he fell for. 

 

Now you have become something else. Someone who will listen to lie after lie because she is so desperate.  Desperation is not sexy to anyone and you know this. You’re hating yourself as much as you hate what he is doing because you’re putting up with it. 

 

Don’t think we don’t understand. We’ve all been there. Some left after a week, some years, but we all know what that is like. I’ve put up with an abusive relationship myself, until the good days became good seconds and I couldn’t breathe with the fear that it would go on for any longer.

 

there is nothing wrong with leaving after 10 years. You did not waste 10 years. But if you stay another day you will have wasted 10 years and a day. Isn’t it time to take yourself out of this equation?  WHY give him that power?  Take the ball out of his court! YOU decide to end it. YOU don’t wait to hear if soon is really soon. If his truth is really the truth. You find value in you again. Because your future self is waiting to heal and find that man who is waiting for her, who will never turn off his phone when his woman is in pain, who would never lie to his prize, who will protect you, cherish you, value you. He will be stunned a woman of your caliber would put up with this loser and he will spend all his days proving you are valued.

Post # 162
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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beelinetowhere123 :  

I’m beginning to think he must enjoy your pain . Because his life otherwise would be  unbearable too, with your constant calls and  tears and  unhappiness and need/begging for a promise he is never going  to give.

I hasten to add , I am not judging you at all for these actions – I think,  frankly, that  this  relationship has damaged your mental health. And I think he likes the  idea of a  woman  being driven literally crazy by/for  him.

 I can only reiterate what everybody is saying. You need to save yourself.  

Post # 163
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee

Oh bee this sucks, because I think it has got to the point where even if he did propose tomorrow there is too much resentment built up from the wait that you wouldn’t be happy anyway. And you would most likely feel like he only did it because it was what ‘you’ wanted, not what ‘he’ wanted.

Post # 164
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

The faster you end it, the faster you heal, and the faster you will be available to find true love.

This is not true love, this is not even love at all.

Post # 165
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

Bee, being in a harmful relationship is so very very much worse than being single. You need to take back your self esteem and your sanity by walking away. It will hurt and you will go through a grieving process of sorts, but I bet you’ll also feel relief, relief from all the emotional turmoil and drama and- this will surprise you- relief from him. Because this guy is draining you more than you even realize. And you’ll feel stronger, because you had the courage to stand up for yourself and leave a toxic relationship. And before you know it you’ll sart experiencing emotions like peace and hope for the future and happiness. You’ll feel like you’re rediscovering yourself.

And please, knock this jackass down a peg while you’re doing it. How dare he see the pain you’re in and tell you you sound like a broken record?!?! HE is the one who sounds like a broken record with his endless broken timelines and promises of ‘soon’. Please  Bee, tell him he had his chance and he blew it, then walk away with your head held high, even if you go home and bawl your eyes out afterward, it will still feel good, especially knowing you did the right thing in taking your pride and your life back. Don’t grovel to this idiot anymore.

p.s. And please see a counsellor, which is another sign of strength not weakness. A good therapist can help you with your self esteem and in avoiding repeat occurences of self harm. Best of luck sweetie.

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