(Closed) A decade WAITING

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 197
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

beelinetowhere123 :  

I haven’t read the whole thread, so sorry if it’s all been said before:

I waited 11 years for marriage. 

Even after I had a ring ( at year 10, after breaking up and then getting back together because of promises he made) then there was no date.

Seriously, the ring was just to keep me around. He had all kinds of reasons for not finding a date to marry. But the real one he never planned to actually go through with it.

Sweetie, just stop. Just go now.

Even if he freaks out because he never thought you’d actually leave him, and then does actually propose, men like him won’t be able to actually meet you at the alter. (let alone plan a wedding and enjoy marrying you)

You’ve really waited long enough. Just go. (believe me, you will find love again and it won’t be covered in bullshit)

 

Post # 198
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

beelinetowhere123 : “I’m crying because I’ve wasted so much time and not only am I being unfair on myself, I’m being unfair on the guy that’s trying to find me! And when we meet, the past decade will mean NOTHING! I’m just going to sit here and cry a little bit longer.” 

Sweetheart, be kind to yourself. You opened your heart and tried to believe in love – that’s brave. But you need to continue to be brave and let go of a relationship that’s destroying you for exactly the reason above: there is a man out there who WILL make you happy, be a true partner to you, and the more time you waste on this manipulative loser, the less time you’ll have to time your actual once-in-a-lifetime love.

 

Be kind to yourself, but let go.

Post # 199
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

beelinetowhere123 :  if he really loved and cared about you, he wouldn’t be putting you through this. 

Love and put yourself first for once and walk away from him. You deserve so much better. 

Post # 200
Member
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, but if you know at this point you’ll reject his proposal any way, I’d just go ahead and end it now. Why prolong the inevitable? Start the healing process now and let yourself move on.  Good luck! 

Post # 201
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

beelinetowhere123 :  I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad bee, this must be so difficult. As I said in my last post and I’ll say it again, even if he did propose tomorrow and you accepted, there is too much built up resentment at this stage for you to ever be happy with this guy. You’re too far gone and have most likely reached that point of no return where you can’t truly forgive someone and move on, the resentment will always be there lurking in the background. The only way of getting a happy ending now is to seek one elsewhere, which I have every confidence you will do. 

Post # 202
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

beelinetowhere123 :  And you needn’t see the time as ‘wasted’ just because it didn’t work out in the end. We’ve all had long relationships which didn’t work out, I spent 4 years and 5 years with exes before meeting my guy. I missed the opportunity to be single and free while I was young, but I don’t regret it. It made me who I am. Besides I’m sure you’ve had good times together over the years, and those can’t be taken away just because it ended, the time wasn’t entirely waster.

Post # 203
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

FutureMrsBex :  I completely agree with this!

 

 

beelinetowhere123 :  I met my now Fiance 6 months to the day after my ex (who had dragged me on for 11 years.) ended things with me. Said ex ALSO treated me similarly, turning his phone off and letting me freak out / be so upset at night. Or, honestly, whenever he felt like it. If you’ve reached the point where you know you’ll say no – just move on for all 3 of your sakes!

Post # 204
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

Show this guy the front door and MOVE ON!

Post # 205
Member
10027 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

This makes me sad for you. There is someone out there searching for you, this guy just ain’t it. You’ll be okay!

Post # 206
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Hi again, bee. I responded to your post a month ago but felt the need to do so again. I can feel your sadness as I read your updates. In my previous comment, I had suggested that you speak openly to your SO about how his behavior makes you feel. I’m not sure if you have done so, but having read your updates I have to say something that may be difficult to hear:  I’m wondering if you are staying because you truly love this man or because you are afraid to be 32 and single once again.

You see, my SO waited 8.5 years to propose to me but I never once considered leaving him because he wasn’t doing it fast enough. He showed me in his actions that he wanted to marry me (e.g., he bought a house and although I do not live in it, he constantly says “our” before everything. Our lawn, our bedroom, our couches, etc.). He bought the ring and when I came over the next day I barely made it in the door before he proposed:  he said he couldn’t wait to get it on my finger. That very night he began inviting his groomsmen and researching how to sign up for Pre-Cana.

My point in sharing this with you is that I wasn’t upset while waiting because I knew in my heart he was excited to marry me. I don’t think that you, who have known this man for ten years, have that trust at all and that makes me very sad. I think you feel that he is using vagueness and maybe even some blatant dishonesty to give you just enough information to satisfy you. Your resentment is building but more importantly than that, one of your recent posts seemed to indicate that you feel engagement will lead to an opportunity to work on your relationship. Bee, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but that’s similar to trying to fix a marriage by having a baby. Engagement should be the consequence of having built a strong, successful, loving relationship; it isn’t an agreement to work on the problems that both of you have thus far been avoiding.

I believe that you have some very important questions to face. I completely understand not wanting to be single again in your 30s and having to “start over.” And at the same time, do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling the way you feel in your relationship right now? You deserve the trust that someone is excited to spend his life with you. Even the fact that you speak of feeling badly about further delaying a future man from loving you is very telling for me. Hugs to you, bee. You deserve so much more than this and I think you know it.

Post # 207
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

beelinetowhere123 :  

Honestly, “just hanging around to see if he really is telling the truth” really isn’t worth it at this point.

You’ve even said that if he does propose you’ll “F him over and reject him”. I get wanting him to hurt like you do, I really do, but be better than him. And honestly, I don’t believe that you actually would reject him. I think that you would accept his proposal and marry him (if he showed up at the wedding) and that you’d have a  miserable marriage before he eventually divorced you or cheated on you.

Staying in this relationship for any longer is just a waste of your time, and it’s obviously having a very damaging effect on you. If I were you, I’d dump him like the sack of sh*t he is, today. Then I’d go on the New Zealand holiday by myself and just take the time to enjoy myself, put the relationship as far behind me as possible and move on.

You deserve better, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to marry someone who actually wants to marry you. It seems to me, from your actions, that you don’t actually believe any of these things. 

I think that you’d benefit from spending some time alone to work on your self-worth and self-esteem. Take the time to realise that this man has not treated you well, he has not valued you, and he has constantly strung you along. And you have let him. It’s time to get out.

Post # 208
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

beelinetowhere123 :  you haven’t wasted anything!! You were doing something you wanted to do AT THE TIME which no longer suits your needs and it’s time to move on. Don’t beat yourself up this way. 

Post # 209
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Time to leave his ass and find someone better! I found the love of my life at 30…it’s never too late. I honestly don’t even think you all would last being married. Find the real “one”!

Post # 210
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, I’d show him the door too. Stop wasting time you’ll never get back. I know, been there, done that! I regret holding on for so long. 

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