(Closed) A decade WAITING

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Tell him he’s been saying ‘soon’ for 18 months and that’s not good enough. It does seem like there have been zero consequences for him breaking the timeline, and in my opinion that needs to change. Why would he go to the effort when nothing happens if he doesn’t bother? Get him to agree on one last timeline and if he breaks it again, move out and move on.

Post # 32
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  I know you want him to plan something, but clearly he’s not doing it. He might be afraid of commitment, or afraid that you expect a big proposal that he can’t live up to, or he doens’t want to get married, or he just procrastinates and doesn’t understand the rush.

You have 3 options:
1. keep waiting indefinitely
2. set a mental walk date and leave when he doesn’t propose (almost 100% sure he won’t make it in time because of his history with not keeping his timelines)
3. get him and you a pair of simple inexpensive (just in case) matching bands – either gold or silver and propose yourself. Tell him your wedding ring can be the one with a stone. Start planning the wedding.

If he goes along with 3, congrats, you’re engaged and your wedding will happen soon.

This is your life, take it into your hands!

Post # 33
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Honestly, if he hasn’t proposed after your anni, leave him. You don’t even owe him an explanation. He’s wasting your prime dating years. Til then, let the crazy out on weddingbee like the rest of us. 

 

Buuuuttttttt… hopefully he will propose this weekend. 

Post # 34
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m confused about the part where you mention him picking you up.  Do you not live together?  If you have been dating 10 years and do not share a home and life together, then… I mean, I don’t know if you two are ready to get married anyway. And you block and unblock his number?  If you are playing those kind of games with a long term partner, then your relationship is totally toxic at this point and it is time to let it go.  

Post # 35
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Walk.

Post # 38
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  How old are you?  How old is he?  From the sound of your posts, you do not live together?

Post # 40
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

Come on. Surely you know he’s never going to propose. You are THIRTY TWO. Either you come to terms with never getting married or you break it off. He keeps saying soon and breaking deadlines because he knows he can, you’re not going anywhere. Stop being sad and be ANGRY. FUCK this guy!! You deserve better. 

Post # 41
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  If you don’t mind me asking, are there religious reasons you do not live together?

I’m sorry, I can’t imagine spending 10 years in a realtionship that hasn’t advanced.  Would you be happy if things never progressed further?  IMO, that’s the only way you should stay. He has given you so many timelines and ignored them. 

Post # 42
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

I think I would have walked by now. 

Post # 43
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

You shouldn’t have to beg someone to marry you. That’s not fair to you. I don’t like people wasting my time and you shouldn’t either! It’s not like you’re 22 just out of college. At 33 it’s like he has no excuse to not have his shit together. After 10 years how do you NOT know if you want to marry someone?

Post # 44
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee

Staying in a unmarried relationship for 10 years is a decision on your part, not a circumstance you found yourself in. 

If you want to be married propose to him and walk away if he says no. Anything else is madness at this point. 

Post # 45
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I would stand him up on the anniversary. Seriously! Tell him you’ll meet him at the restaurant instead of him picking you up… then don’t show. If he calls tell him you’re running late, and your on your way. Do that for as long as you can. When he’s finally pissed and ready to leave tell him you were putting off your anniversary just like he’s putting off getting married. 

 Tell him you won’t be have having any more anniversaries with him.

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