(Closed) A decade WAITING

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 108
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beelinetowhere123 :  I feel like you’re kind of lying to yourself right now, and maling excuse after excuse for him. And I get that. I’ve been there. I dont mean to be harsh as this is a hard pill to swallow. But…the night couldn’t have been any better? Really? 

Post # 109
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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beelinetowhere123 :  

He already knows that if he’s to propose, it’s to be over a long weekend.  You know this is weird right ? I get a special  moment  but that can be anytime.

 It’s not going to happen, now or ever if you continue to wait passively for your life to be run by his calendar. Which , incidentally, is made easier by this strange insistence  on it happening only on long  weekends, which  gives him (phew)  only a limited number of  windows of opportunity, a real gift for a  commitmentphobe.  

Time you took a little bit of adult control OP. Life is not a fairy tale  .

ETA, the evening you describe sounds  lovely, I’m glad you had a good time. But you and we all know it falls short of what you really want . I bet he does too and is breathing  a sigh  of relief at a bit more time gained.

I don’t say ‘walk’, I say woman up and address your own future  for heaven’s sake  !  
 

Post # 111
Member
1923 posts
Buzzing bee

A decade. And he hasn’t proposed. Yeah no he does not want too. You’re wasting your time. You need to move on. He does not want to marry you. No one waits this long unless you started dating at like 16. That’s ridiculous. He keeps delaying it because he doesn’t want to marry you. If he did, he would have proposed already. There’s no right time for a proposal. You just do it 

Post # 112
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beelinetowhere123 :  The “proper” way to propose is long gone. It’s been 10 years! That ship has sailed. In my opinion he’s forfeited the element of surprise and romance here. I’d be done. Soooo done. 

Post # 113
Member
7931 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

He’s doing this because you have allowed him to. He doesn’t want to marry you, and he knows he doesn’t have to because you will stick around no matter how many broken promises and unmet deadlines. You need to start living your life for YOU. Make your own timeline and follow it. As it has been said in the past, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Think about what you’re doing and whether it is getting you what you want.

Post # 114
Member
44 posts
Newbee

It sounds like he’s being cruel to me. Actively telling you he planned to ask you but then forgot the ring is unkind. If that were true then it’d be kinder to keep it quiet than tell you he mistakenly forgot the ring to save your feelings. To then continually insist he has one without proposing is rubbing salt in the wounds. It sounds like he’s keeping you on the hook without following through but it’s not fair to keep you in a relationship where you won’t be completely fulfilled and happy. I would personally very seriously evaluate whether this is a relationship where you will be happy. 

Post # 115
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

Wow I cannot believe he took you to a ‘bucket list restaurant’ and pulled out a jewellery box with earrings inside.  He sounds hugely insensitive and you need to accept that he doesn’t want to marry you.

Post # 116
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

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beelinetowhere123 :  Why would you want to marry a guy that’s led you on for a freaking decade?  He’s watched your disappointed face and emotional turmoil every time a date of significance passed and he couldn’t be bothered to order a $10 stand in ring from Amazon to end your suffering.  This man doesn’t want to marry you and doesn’t respect you enough to tell you that.  I’m sure he can come up with dozens of compelling excuses, but it doesn’t change the fact he doesn’t want to marry you. 

Post # 117
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Op…  I didn’t read everyones comments but I read some and I read all of yours.  Ummm…  I want to try to be real here.  

I would say forget about being cute, wearing a greatt dress, a fantastic proposal and forget what the ring does or does not look like.  Sit down with the man and ask him if he is going to propose and when.  Tell him time is going by and you are hanging.  Say you want to get married and you don’t wish to wait that much longer.  Tell him you wish to start moving on with your life, having babies, etc and you wamt to be married.  Put it all out there.

I know women wish for the suprise proposal, not presure the man, etc.  This is not about that.  This is about your getting older and you want something.  If this man does not want the same thing you can move on.  Or, you can get the truth out of him and decide if your happy never being married.  It is up to you.  It is about what you want.  

If he feels all pressured leave him for 5 days or something.  That will be YOUR timeline.  When you return in those five days tell him you would like an answer about what he wants for the rest of his life.  It is what it is…  Life is short and precious.  You have a right to know what he wants.  I’m not saying leaving him is the answer.  I’m only saying understanding him better will help you get the answer you seek.

Post # 118
Member
9755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He is screwing with you and has no intention of ever proposing. You’re allowing it.

Post # 119
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Obviously this guy knows you’ll hang around. You have for ten years. Do something out of character and switch up the gears – give him a short, yes SHORT timeline to work with – he’s already had ten years if he wanted a long one – and if he doesn’t propose, leave him. I’m sure it’s easier said than done but you deserve to be married if that’s what you want and you’ve waited a whole decade….

Post # 120
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

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beelinetowhere123 :  Bee, seriously, give your head a shake here- WHY are you willing to accept so little from this man? He breaks numerous timelines without consequence, he placates you with bullshit even the most gullible and patient of waiting Bees would have a hard time swallowing, treats you like a fucking child with his patronizing ‘it’s my job, all in good time….’. Why even bother to set a walk date? You know if he doesn’t propose to you by then you’ll just stay anyway. Instead of being so easily appeased, so ready to be mollified by this guy, you need to look at yourself, at why you will let yourself be treated like this. frown

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