(Closed) A decade WAITING

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 121
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Wow I am mindblown. The day you had the anniversary I would have said enough is enough. Even if only for the sake for him to finally get his finger out of his *** and try in a last attempt to fight for you back with the damn proposal you deserved after showing him the cold shoulder and that you indeed are not just so co depended on this one shot with him that no matter what he does he wouldn’t have to actually worry to lose you as he would get away with ANYTHING.

Serious leave. Either he will once he sees the loss do the change or you will learn from the experience to look at it more rational to be able to tell if that is REALLY what you wanna put up with. If he is for real – I mean that would be the last opportunity to step up. If he wouldn’t then – well then you know he just is all talk no action. 

Post # 122
Member
10637 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
jane5730 :  

There is not one Bee here who has given you the advice to stay

There was one , just one , and OP loved   that post.   I dont think there is much  hope  – clearly he’s not interested in marrying or even living  with her  and just   as clearly OP is going to hang humilatingly on, until   I dunno,  40? At which point he’ll leave her and marry a 22 year old .

Or never marry and be a  ‘confimed bachelor ‘ …..

Post # 123
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

OP, I think you know deep down that you and him simply don’t want the same things… and that to get what you want you need to leave him. But its hard, really hard. It would be for anyone. And so you try to tell yourself that you’re actually happy and everything is ok… but some part of you knows that this isn’t true. I think you should watch this… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zESeeaFDVSw

Watch the whole thing before judging, even if it sounds like nonsense to you. It is actually very empowering. 

Post # 124
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

This is the kind of situation that makes me want to scream.

Since OP obviously had a hand in choreographing the proposal, why would it have been any worse after oh maybe 5,6,7,8 years to say “….and if OUR proposal doesn’t occur within the next 6 months, I’m FINISHED!”

I often bemoan the lack of “balance” in contemporary relationships, and this one is so out of balance it’s not even an uneven see-saw, it’s a one way slide, with one partner having whatever is appealing to HIM, and one having, well what actually is she having? The opportunity to plan a proposal that’s been waiting a decade? 

Post # 125
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee

I would have been gone seven years ago. He doesn’t deserve a woman like you, time to move on.

Post # 126
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

Stick around if nothing happens the long weekend i think just sit him down and if he becomes edgy then i guess just leave it be and take your mind off the engagement. Sometimes we become so fixated on the idea of being engaged and end up missing out on all the happy moments. sometimes we nag and that makes men pull away and starts doubting us, start doing things that you enjoy take your mind off things and just enjoy life.

Also when you do start showing him you just dont care thats when he becomes worried and will than have no choice thinking he is busy loosing you.

Post # 127
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
missjitters :  This is terrible advice. This is CLEARLY what OP has been telling herself to do for 10 years, and she’s still effing waiting.

Post # 129
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

I think you should leave. That said, do so when it’s comfortable and convenient to do so! There aren’t any violence or safety issues so no biggie if you leave next week or mid-July IMO. You know what works for you. 

Post # 130
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

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beelinetowhere123 :  We are supporting “keeping you going.” As in, supporting you keeping your spirits up and seeing your own self-worth.

He won’t propose between now and July. In July, you will set a new date. He won’t propose by that one, either. In 30 years, you’ll realize you pissed away your life on a man who loved you to the degree that your presence served his needs but never really respected you. I’ve seen it happen … none of us want that for you. People can support your happiness and wellbeing without supporting your choices. So that’s where everyone’s support is right now.

Post # 131
Member
13800 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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beelinetowhere123 :  I will repeat:

“Why do you want to marry someone who could treat you this way? If he finally proposes, are lies and failure to follow through on promises the kind of thing you can live with? Because this kind of behavior isn’t necessarily limited to a proposal, or lack thereof.”

Think about it. 

Post # 132
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  I think you should just leave now.  If he really wants you, he’ll speak up. If he lets you go…then he was never going to propose, in July or otherwise. 

Post # 133
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  I don’t think the issue is “staying or leaving” any more.  The issue is that he can utter the word “soon”  which clearly means one thing to him, and another to you.

We teach people how to treat us.  I am sorry to see that you have taught him you will wait forever.  I think you deserve FAR better.  

Post # 134
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  you have your walk date. Stick to it if he, again, doesn’t stick to his word. Loving someone who doesn’t keep his word to you doesn’t make you some kind of selfless martyr. you need to love yourself right now and find someone who is EXCITED to marry you!

Post # 135
Member
10637 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
libellules :  

 This is terrible advice. This is CLEARLY what OP has been telling herself to do for 10 years, and she’s still effing waiting.

I. Could. Not. Agree. More.

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