- 5 years ago
For anyone who has been following my story, you know that I’ve been in a bit of a struggle with SO. He recently said something pretty hurtful; that he wasn’t sure about us. I was insanely hurt, as I imagine anyone would be, hearing that after almost 3.5 years together (~ 2 yrs living together). And since he has been really sweet to me. Before everyone gets up in arms, I’ve been paying close attention, and making a mental note, and I’m not letting myself fall too fast for “things have really changed”. I’m committed to him, and waiting for him to basically figure his shit out. I have so many justifications though, so it’s all feeling a bit weird to me. For instance, daily life goes on, for the most part things are the same.
Last night before bed though, he made move to cuddle, and I let him, but brought up the predicament we’re in, and let him know that I’m serious about him having soul searching to do, and that it will have to be done in a semi-timely manner. I asked him to think about a timeline for himself, in which to figure things out. I told him that neither of us could live in limbo forever, but I didn’t want to add more pressure to the pot about a forced deadline, so I told him to choose a time-frame, and then tell me.
I am assuming he will say something like “by the end of summer” and I am hoping it to be then or sooner, but honestly, there’s a lot going on in his life right now, and I would feel wrong about pushing him into a decision, because it would likely only serve to push him away from me. The timeline of this scenario so far is, Sunday evening he said the really hurtful “I’m not sure about us”, the following evening (Mon) we had a mature discussion about what that might mean for us, and last night (Tues), after a really good day for both of us (for reasons external to the relationship) I asked him to make up a timeline.
During our conversation on Monday night about fixing things, I told him that I was serious, and that an engagement wasn’t the end-game of this fight. That I still wanted to get married, but I would not accept a proposal before I knew things were fixed. He agreed, saying he wanted it to be a happy thing, not the fallout of an argument. I then told him that if he was serious about making it work, and serious about me, he would have to show me. At the time, I really didn’t think about what this meant, and now that I am trying to figure out what it means, so that I can mentally give him credit when he DOES this… I am drawing blank.
I don’t expect him to do all the dishes, or take me out on a thousand dates… So I was hoping some Bee’s might have an idea of things I should be looking for that would let me know that we’re on the right track? I know it’s going to be elusive.
One thing I have noticed, is that he tells me he loves me first now… Part of me thinks that it’s because of the argument, so I’m waiting, and hoping it wont dwindle, because that would be a positive change… I dunno ladies, the way he reacted when I brought up breaking up… It would have ripped your heart out, I just couldn’t bear ending it yet without giving him a chance to figure things out. He says he’s not ready to end it, but he’s scared we won’t work out long term… I hope that helps with the advice front. How can I make sure he’s measuring up?