- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
So, I have been engaged for almost half a year, but as the wedding was a year and a half out at the time, I only recently started asking some bridesmaids as the year countdown approached. The first three were easy, and enthusiastic enough. The third one especially, and she was the one I worried about.
The one I did not worry about, however, has now presented a difficult situation.
I planned to ask her last night, had written a cute note and gotten a small token. We were chatting about all various things and was going to ask her later that night. BUT during the course of our conversation she started talking badly about the wedding she was in that’s coming up. The price of hotels, the fact that the shower costed more and not everyone was contributing, the dress she didn’t like, etc.
Now I know there is a side reason that she may not be very excited for this wedding (there is some major reunion with the ex stress that I know is bothering her). But I was still taken aback. I had no doubts this person would be very much on board. We’re very close friends, and we talk about everything, and when my last relationship ended, I said, when I get it right that I wanted her standing with me. I know she doesn’t make a ton of money (neither do I really), but I know what she paid in rent until recently, so I didn’t think finances were a concern.
She’s going through a lot of personal stuff, family stuff, and pretty much admitted she’s been not herself and not the best friend to anyone recently. I’ve never seen her like I did; she did seem off to me.
So my question is – do I completly forgo asking her? Do I wait a few months, talk to her again and reassess how she is doing? Do I wait a few months and talk candidly to her and ask her how she feels directly, and how she would feel about my own wedding? I mean she’s a smart girl, she’ll remember what she said about the other wedding, I’d hope she’d be honest if I asked her honestly. I do not want to force anyone to be in my wedding that doesn’t want to. As much as I’d love equal bridesmaids to groomsmen, I’d rather not force it.
I’d love some perspective. I really didn’t see this coming.