Post # 1
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
This is a somewhat ridiculous situation but I am curious to hear outside thoughts.
I had a few folks over for dinner. All was well, then somehow it was mentioned that one of the guests was very ticklish. Later in the evening, when that woman walked by another guest (they are long time friends) he started to tickle her. Of course she screamed and told him to stop etc. He finally did and she told him to grow up.
I went into the kitchen sometime later and could hear a commotion. I poked my head out and he was once again tickling her. She was pinned into a corner on the floor. I thought it was stupid and yelled at him to stop as did others. But I went on into the kitchen, afterall how big of a deal is a tickle fight? Well, to my absolute shock I soon hear him scream at the top of his lungs and people gasping. I run into the living room and he is on the ground and she is now standing saying “I told you to get off of me”. I am told that while he had her pinned on the floor, she bit his arm, and punched him in the stomach, hard. He was doubled over. She was visibly upset, grabbed her things and left.
I couldn’t believe it, these are professional mature people in their 30s. No alcohol. She is the least violent person I know and I sort of feel like this was a very extreme reaction to being tickled, although I do think he should have cut it out. She emailed me that night to apologize for the commotion and said she didn’t know how else to get him to stop and that she felt violated. I didn’t see all that was happening but I trust that is how she felt. They are apparently not speaking now. Do you think she was in any way justified? Was there something I should have done different as a host to get him to leave her alone?
Post # 3
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
If she told him to stop and he didn’t stop then she did what she had to to get him off of her. How well do you know this woman? Something could have happened to her in the past that triggered her defensive side.
Post # 4
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
This is a tough situation, but if she was asking him to stop (like the first time) he should have respected her wishes, it doesn’t matter if they are friends he took it too far and she didn’t want to be touched. I think bitting him might be extreme but if that was the only way to get him to stop then it worked. Hope it all works out but they both owe each other an apology and you being the host!
Post # 5
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
Thanks for the thoughts. I have been friends with her for nearly a decade. She is very calm and quiet, he is rambucious and silly. They’ve been friends even longer than I have been friends with either of them. I dont know if anything has happened in her past but I know she does not like people in her personal space too much (not a hugger etc.). Well, except her husband. She did also mention that she was embarassed and upset because her dress was riding up while he had her on the floor…
Post # 6
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@Fies: Well there ya go, she doesn’t like her personal space invaded. He should have stopped after the first time. I probably wouldn’t have bitten the guy but everyone handles situations like that differently.
Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
Being pinned down and tickled is one of the most horrifying things, lol. It’s AWFUL, and if someone already doesn’t like their space being invaded, it makes it doubly awful. I know that when I get pinned down, my fight instinct totally kicks in and I don’t care if it’s my 85 year old grandma doing the pinning, I’m gonna fight like a wildcat to GTFO of that situation. OP, the hostess, told him to stop, the other guests told him to stop, and most importantly, your tickled friend told him to stop. I’m sure she wasn’t smiley or joke-y when she said it, too. He should have backed off when she was serious and said stop…I would say he kinda had it coming.
Post # 8
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
I agree with the above posters, they totally behaved inappropriately but she was fine reacting how she did. He should have stopped after being told (repeatedly), and sometimes jokes go too far. Even when my little brothers (who are bigger than me) or my Fiance hold me down to tickle me, my reactions just kick in and I’ve most definitely hit them in the balls or the throat just to get them off of me.
Even if she had no prior bad experience in her past, being held down can just really freak someone out, especially if she was wearing a dress and becoming embarrassed. She’s already apologized to you, but I think he is the one who owes both of you an apology. I think you did fine as a host, you shouldn’t have to babysit adults, but I think she was justified and he learned that you can take a joke too far.
Post # 9
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee
@indibee:If she is a married woman it can be very offensive and violating to have another man grabbing you all over your body. Her dress was rising up and she was being held against her will. I am not a violent person but in that case I would have picked up something and bust him in the fucking head. He had no right to do that and she can do whatever she feels is needed to free herself from a man unwanted touches. No means no, I hope he learned his lesson.
Post # 10
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
I believe she was ABSOLUTELY justified. I mean, it would have been great if she hadn’t bit him, but being PINNED TO THE FLOOR and tickled against your will (and, as a ticklish person I will say that it is really awful to be tickled…it’s not cute, it’s not fun, it’s awful) is an unpleasant enough experience to lead a person to do whatever it takes to get out of the situation.
Legally, touching someone against their will is battery, and hopefully your friend that was doing the tickling learned a lession.
As an aside, it certainly wasn’t a boring party!
Post # 11
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
I would have done the same thing. The guy sounds like a creep for even touching someone in a personal way without knowing her.
Post # 12
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
I too believe she was absolutely justified in punching him. He was harassing her and no one (apparently) was helping her. Maybe if it was the first time, yes, no punch, but she already politely asked him to stop, he then pinned her down!?!?! Safety trumps etiquette- always. He should be the one apologizing to her and you.
Post # 13
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
She was absolutely in the right here, I would’ve down the exact same thing (bite and all). If someone refuses to let go/stop tickling after I’ve asked them to stop, all hell breaks loose.
Post # 14
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
Tickling is a form of torture. She warned him, twice, and he didn’t listen to her or any of the other guests’ reactions asking him to stop. Her personal space was completely invaded, cornering her and then pinning her to the floor *and* she was humiliated in front of other people. She was completely justified in her self defense. He owes her and you and your guests a sincere apology.
Post # 15
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
Jesus. He needs to learn that NO means fucking NO. For anyone who’s ever been raped, a situation like that can trigger a flashback and be extremely traumatic. Even for someone who hasn’t been, having someone physically hold you down and touch you against your will – well, that’s assault. She was absolutely within her rights to do what she did. Maybe that will teach him that woman’s bodies – even those of his friends – are not his to do with what he wants.
p.s. If I were you I’d give her a call today to make sure she’s ok, tell her you understand her reaction, and that you will tell this guy that he’s never to do that again in your home.
Post # 16
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I think she’s fine. She asked him to stop repeatedly. It’s not pleasant being tickled, especially if she’s pinned down and her skirt is riding up. I know for me, if I’m tickled incessantly, (TMI coming up), it makes me feel like I’m not going to be able to control my bladder.
I would sure as hell bite someone before I peed my pants (or skirt in this case) in public.
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