(Closed) A disgusting wedding gift.

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 31
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

missnicolemcg:  People are talking about the laptop because the OP was saying, we spent so much money on a laptop for their son but they gave us a crappy gift and no money!  We are saying the laptop shouldn’t play a part in the story and also the OP shouldn’t use the expensive laptop as leverage because it wasn’t even a necessity. 

I have a couple MAC computers. You can even get a MAC cheaper than $2000!

Post # 32
3292 posts
Sugar bee

Stick it outside int he summer and use it at a flower pot. 

Post # 33
7419 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Silver services are expensive and sometimes they are heirlooms or people want them to turn into heirlooms. Water stained? Maybe it’s tarnished? Who knows. It’s not going to be the last crappy gift you ever get, and it might not even be the last time you get a gift that is a whole lot less crappy than you think it is. Get over it, learn to bite your tongue and play nice, and maybe suggest doing family Secret Santas instead of individual holiday gifts so you decrease the chance you’ll get stuck with a gift you don’t like again.  (PS I am well aware that not everything deserves to be an heirloom and some stuff belongs in the trash, and it’s very possible that this pitcher falls into that category. What I’m saying is that the SIL’s intention was probably not “let’s dump our trash” and that a gracious person can accept that they still need to say Thank You even if they don’t really like the gift.)

As for the laptop, firstly, your Darling Husband inserted himself in a situation that is really between the couple and their kid. Even if the kid came to him and asked for help.  There are thousands of kids who take time off before college so they can work and pay for their supplies and even tuition. It’s fantastic that your husband is a generous man who wants to help his nephew; it truly is. But that doesn’t mean the kid’s parents are bad parents, and it also doesn’t mean your husband was forced into buying this expensive laptop. If you have any gripe with anyone over that, it should be with your husband.



Post # 34
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Regift it to her for Christmas. I’m less concerned about the fact that the gift is cheap over the fact that she got you something you specifically stated that you didn’t want. That is rude.

Also, if your hubby spent 2k on a laptop he got royally gyped. I got mine for less than $500 and it is refurbished and good quality.

Post # 36
5970 posts
Bee Keeper

I didn’t even know honeymoon funds were a thing. Huh, learn something new on the Bee all the time. 

Post # 37
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m personally more offended that people ask for money for their honeymoon more than the gift being not up to par…but that’s just my opinion. (Tacky!)

Post # 38
309 posts
Helper bee

Maybe the gift was a family heirloom and she does sentimental gifts? Maybe it was home made soap?

Just because people have good jobs doesn’t mean they have lots of ‘extra’ income.  I have zero debt because I don’t go out to dinner, go on vacation, or spend frivolously. If my kids computer broke, they would get a $300 one when I could afford it, not just because it broke.

I have an engagement party on Friday and am trying to figure out how to come up with a cash gift that doesn’t make me look too cheap when I know everyone is completely out of my economic bracket, but I also know cash is expected. 

Post # 39
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

buzzinbee:  not really, if it was sterling silver and weighed around a pound it would have been worth around ten times what she wanted as cash, just in the weight of the metal. I don’t see a $250 present (plus who knows what the platter weighs) as being “cheapskate.”

Post # 40
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

buzzingbee82:  Hey, I get it. She asked you all ahead of time if you wanted it. You said no. She gave it to you anyway – and in dirty condition. Yeah, that’s tacky (at least clean it!). 

But! That being said, gifts are not a requirement, and you should simply be gracious about it. Thank her kindly, and then either donate it, sell it or pack it up. 🙂

Post # 41
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Maybe she gave you a gift she knew you didn’t want because she was offended by your tacky honeymoon fund.

And as for the laptop. Did you ever consider that maybe the kid was irresponsible and broke the laptop? Or maybe it’s the 3rd one they bought him and don’t want to purchase another? Maybe they realize the kid could use the computer labs at school until he saves up enough money to buy one himself? Maybe they don’t want to raise a spoiled child who gets whatever he wants, when he wants it (not unlike his aunt….)?

Please don’t ever complain about a gift. I don’t care if they are millionaires, how they spend their money is their choice.

Post # 42
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

You seem really focused on the fact that you think they have money.  You honestly don’t know that at all.  Just because someone has a degree or even a good paying career you have no idea what their financial life is like.  Everyone in our social circle thinks we have a lot of money.  We don’t!  We live in a very expensive area so that my children can go to the best schools in our county, we pay daycare costs that are out of this world, Fiance pays a high child support payment etc.  You have no idea what your SIL’s family has for expendable income so try not to be so judgmental and accept a gift for what it is, a gift and move on.

Post # 43
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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Post # 44
2398 posts
Buzzing bee

GFerg:  I totally agree with this. I get that she asked if you wanted the pitcher, you said no, and she gave it to you anyway – and didn’t even bother to clean it first. Yeah, it would bug me too. However; a gift is a gift and you (OP) should be gracious about it and move on. We had plenty of people, who we know are very well off, give us NOTHING. You know what? Who cares. Gifts aren’t requirements, and I’m just happy that they were willing to come share our wedding day with us. The memories we have with them are worth so much more than any gift they could ever give us. 

Post # 45
3536 posts
Sugar bee

Man people are all over OP. I do agree calling the gift “disgusting” is a stretch…yes, it was a cheap thing to do and a bit obnoxious considering she already knew you guys didn’t want it. Just sell it or donate it and move on. I understand bringing up the laptop, as to me it shows your SIL’s character. I think it’s pretty shitty to try to force your kid out of following their dream career by not letting them have the tools to accomplish their goals. I would feel pretty ashamed if someone bought my kid something simply because I refused to do it myself (not because I couldn’t afford it). Also, my husband is an aerospace engineering student and has also worked with computer science tools…you do need a good, powerful computer to run those programs which often means spending a lot of money.

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